Children of Alcoholics, is it hereditry???

[Princess Fiona]

:hallo: I am newish at MWO, just been here a month or so. 38 days AF, I log in once if not twice a day, a couple of times I've replied, apart from the love and support of my family, just reading yr stories, a compilation of my life....Scary....All of you and your thoughts are totally inspirational, we all fail, at times and so necessary to know there is always someone to help pick up the pieces:thanks:
AL has always been a part of my life...good old Scottish upbringing... the whiskey always flows at parties... no coffee mornings for the old aunties..mine waited for the pubs to open...nothing wrong...couple of tots before lunch...(wonderful people...Loved them to bits)
Grew up with an alcoholic father, who beat and raped my mother, she finally divorced him when I was 21...why then do 3 out of 4 siblings have a problem with AL???? the eldest is a controlled drinker, Carol and I, well we're not...I married an alcoholic, divorced him, and went on a 6 yr bender until 9 yrs ago when I met my 2nd husband,(non Drinker, of an alcoholic father!!!) slowly but surely, my drinking escalated, I knew that soon enough, I would be made to choose, booze or my family, definately, had too much to lose.
I adore my husband, can't handle his baggage...ex-wife, should be shot!!!! step daughter,a compulsive liar(has caused 90% of our arguments) kept telling him they were why I drank... RUBBISH....just another excuse.His daughter(19 yrs) AGAIN, this week, has caused a huge argument, again with her lies, I will not let her bring me down....
Now that I have waffled on, when we argued, I still voiced my opinion regarding his daughter, as I would have drunk, does it make a difference? Do we say it differently with no AL, drunk or sober, my feelings are the same, I abhor lies, how do I tell him that I cannot have her in my life? would appreciate yr thoughts.... could write pages on what they have done or said!!!
One more ?.... my own daughter is 18, she has alcoholism on both sides of the family...lots of us...she is now going out and having a few drinks, have spoken to her about this evil monster that lurks in her family, she has her head screwed on(I think she is an "old soul" and was sent here, to teach me a few things!!)this is hereditry, should I leave it for now, as I never started drinking til 28,her father also, what are her chances of becoming dependent???
Sorry, needed to vent,
:blah:
Fiona

[Guest]

Children of Alcoholics, is it hereditry???

Fiona,
I don't know about this being hereditary. I have no drinkers in my family. We never even had AL in the house while I was growing up. It does seem that many on here have AL in their family though. With all the 'cures" we have out there, you'd think we would find a cure for this one.

[KateH1]

Children of Alcoholics, is it hereditry???

Hi Fiona,

Good question. I have read that there is a genetic componant to alcoholism. I also believe that there is an environmental factor as well. What we live, we learn. But, at the end of the day we still have free will on how we choose to live our lives. I often wonder if it is this "gene" that allows some of us to mod and some simply cannot.

This step daughter sounds treacherous! Yikes! Liars are the most difficult for me to deal with as well. I simply do not want liars in my life. Perhaps you and your husband can have a calm long talk about this and set some bounderies. Good luck with this!

Take Care,
KateH

[meditation mama]

Children of Alcoholics, is it hereditry???

Well, let's see... Both Grandfathers were alcoholics, An Aunt, An Uncle, My Father is a 10 yr Sober AA Member, My Mother is a Gambling Freak, .. let's see... Sister is a Shopaholic, Brother out of Rehab for Meth, hmmm... heriditary or family conditioning?

Whatever.. the cycle stops with me.

MM

[Lefty]

Children of Alcoholics, is it hereditry???

Both my parents are alcoholics. My sister is addicted to alcohol AND narcotics. I have a brother who has been in and out of alcohol treatment for years. The remaining 3 siblings are all heavy drinkers...just not completely self destructive. That's me, too, actually. I've not had any brushes with the law, never lost a job, in fact, never missed work because of alcohol. I just realized one day that the wine was in the driver's seat, not me.

I worry every day about my children. I have a grown son who drinks too much. It breaks my heart to think of him throwing his life down the A-pit.

[Princess Fiona]

Children of Alcoholics, is it hereditry???

Thanks so much...saw my sisters tonight, my youngest sister has auto-immune hepatitis(has never drank) so sat around, and so nice all totally sober, can still have a good laugh, and a decent converation.
KateH, thanks for the advice, my husband has this problem(?) that he feels he has to protect his daughter, he knows deep down she is in the wrong...just finds it hard to admit it. Totally frustrating!!!

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Children of Alcoholics, is it hereditry???

Fiona, welcome!
Personally, I think there is a genetic disposition for alcoholism, and probably both nurture and nature play a part in the disease. It seems like "normal alcoholics" :H can handle booze when we are in our 20s and early 30s, but then the ugly disease either rears it's ugly head or stays controlled.... Forewarned is Forearmed for your daughter!

Sorry to hear about your step daughter's issues. One of my favorite quotes is, "Either you control your emotions, or they control you"... when your step daughter starts with her lies, step back from the situation. Engage brain, and think about the deceit that she's spewing, and then, CALMLY, throw the bullshit bouncey ball onto the table.... nicely of, course!

"I'm having trouble understanding that statement. Are you saying that THIS happened because of THAT?", or whatever her lie is- call her on it.

She does not have the POWER to cause an argument~
Don't let your anger, or your feelings of intolerance, become "the issue". You want your husband to focus on her behavior, not on your emotions. Keep the bullshit ball bouncing her way until he sees that a.) she is lying and b.) it's not YOUR emotions that are the issue, it's her.

Much love, Fiona. Stay true to yourself. :l :heart:

[Victory]

Children of Alcoholics, is it hereditry???

Hello Fiona

Hi ya Fiona, yep agree with the others, best bullshit bouncer for me is, ?what do you mean by that???.. Said in my most honeyed tones with a smile of course. You should see the back peddling that usually follows that most honeyed voiced question. Am from a long line of alcoholics on both sides of the family tree, not my mum tho?, she never drank. One of my children is hitting AL, she is only 26 which is the age I began. And yep, just the most ghastly feeling watching history repeat itself.
Aunty Vic
:no:

[skygal12]

Children of Alcoholics, is it hereditry???

Yes - I believe it runs in the family. My family is chock full of alcoholics. Father and Mother are both drinkers. I have also been diagnosed as bipolar II (which they now say is rampant in alcoholic families). Both my siblings have the same problem as me, complete and total bingers - can't stop until we pass out......

[OMGWTH]

Children of Alcoholics, is it hereditry???

I believe in predisposed to alchoholism. (though also being scottish, think that's more cultural than genetic )

6 of 8 siblings are we're all alcoholics of varying degrees. (one of the two sober ones is crazy enough that she just never needed alcohol - dulls the dramatic fits she likes to throw daily)

Your daughter's chances? As good as anyone else's dear, IMO. You've warned her (as my family warned me) sometimes youth hears, sometimes they don't. Sounds like she might be a smart cookie and listen to you though. (crossing fingers for you)

[Hannah]

Children of Alcoholics, is it hereditry???

Hi FionaS. Yes, I believe heredity plays a part. My grandfather on my Mom's side was definitely an alcoholic, My Mom is, my brother (now dead) was, and I am. But - I also think environmental factors play a role. When our (adopted) son was four years old, my hubby and I were concerned about my Mom's ever present glass of wine, and son's growing interest in it - he just knew there was something special in that glass - and we took a good look at ourselves, and realized we were hardly any better - so we quit - for ten years - my son grew up in an alcohol free house, we feel back into it when he was a teenager, but it was under control until a few years ago. He drinks very little, and I am sure glad we did what we did then...

All you can do is talk to her. Sometimes they appear not to listen, but I think the message still gets in, and you will have tried. Good luck.

[Leanwolf]

Children of Alcoholics, is it hereditry???

And I too believe it's hereditary

So, how do you stop the witch of the cycle is the REAL question to be asked.
This is it. MYO Look, I'm no soap boxer! But I was a Doubting Thomas! My sister, also an Alchy pointed me to this, now I'm, more in control, not perfect, but getting better, and she hasn't even begun. And I'm sending e-mails to her saying :happy: In other words, point them to the knowledge of the book and the tapes. Just let them know. Knowledge is a wonderful thing. They are going to do what they want, especially in thier late teens and 20's they are really going to express themselves, but if they get something they read themselves, it's going to be something they came up with on thier own and they will adopt it.
Can't hurt. I'm going to try it with my daughter. I am from a very long line of alchy's. As the saying goes,'I'm Irish, English, Roman Catholic and American Indian....at my family reunions, there isn't a designated driver amongst us!' I don't know what comedian said that, but someday, I need to thank him profusely!. My daughter is testing her bounderies, more than I did, and this scares me, so I am finding my way out so that I can help her if or when she gets here. Boy, I don't talk for days, and then today, I'm on 3 of these things. Thanks every one for your input. You all inspire me to continue.

[steer64]

Children of Alcoholics, is it hereditry???

okay

I think it's a combination.......I'm in my mid 50's and it seems that alcohol has been so easy and so important in advertising, happy hours, parties, keggers and for us who really got into that, we didn't want the party to stop.....then we started drinking at home and then alone......back in the 70's marijuana was a big thing and alot of people did other drugs......thank goodness I stopped that.
I don't think that I had any alcoholic parents, but I hear about an uncle who "was lost" and went someplace....and another uncle who was always a good time, and my parents wouldn't have any alcohol around when he came by......

Many of my friends can't drive because of too many DUI's, I've been lucky......

I have kids and I'm on my third marriage. They were a pain in the ass to my second wife and I had to choose between them and her....of course, I went with the kids because they were of the age that needed a parent. My first exwife is an alcoholic from an alcoholic family (I mean bigtime). Yes, kids do give you an excuse to hide your lonliness (sorry about the spelling it's early), and I really kept my cool with the kids.....my third wife understands and the kids were old enough to not interfer with our relationship.....it sounds like I'm a loser, but the biggest difference between 2 marriages and three is still one.......I also did the rebound thing.....and because of child support at the time, I was financially in poverty and .....well.

Okay, we're big kids now, right? How do we handle our own kids who are alcoholics? One of my daughters has had three DUI's, been through 3 rehabs and is still drinking? Binge type drinking.....

I tell my other kids to not have it in the house, and when she is at an event that they remove themselves from the situation....tough on them, but it's better than to be imbarrassed or be in the middle of an argument......

As we get older, rather than look back at our reasons why, we need to look in the future and think of our kids and grandkids and what we can do to help them? We need to stop blaming and pull our boots up and lace them tighter......

I didn't stop drinking because of just me....it's because of them and I would like to have a chance to see them graduate and go through all of the fun stuff while in school. I am af now for the third, fourth, fifth time, but this time is different. I'm really concerned about my one daughter, and if I'm not there, how can I ask or give her what I can and should.

Good luck to you all......list the reasons and it helps.

[trixietrack]

Children of Alcoholics, is it hereditry???

there is a lot of information out there to prove that alcoholism is hereditary, but isn't the only reason people become alcoholics. Some nationalities races are more prone to alcoholism than others.
Kids also learn from example, so if they grow up around people drinking they will eventually become curious about it.

Trix

[Jaded]

Children of Alcoholics, is it hereditry???

My family is riddled with alcoholics...neither parent was..My mother never touched the stuff my father did on occasion....None of my grandparents were. But almost all my aunts and uncles were..I have 4 siblings and we all are except for one sister as far as I know..we don't have a relationship so I'm not certain about her. I married a fall down drunk..a man that would drink until he couldn't stand up and keep drinking until he didn't know who is was..he couldn't drink. He was mean when he drank too. I had 2 boys by him. My youngest was 3 monthes old when I remarried a man that didn't drink much..only on accasion. Now my son is 19 yrs old and he drinks just like his biological father. So I think it has to be in his geans because he never knew his father...My husband addopted both the boys and they never knew their biological father.