I crashed....

[wonderworld]

I crashed....

I have bee thinking alot about that place we go to - what you described - when the idea of drinking has built up in our head and you kind of lose the connection to your 'higher' brain and go through with it on automatic pilot. It IS like you're someone else. Once you're in that mindset, it's very hard to turn back around.

[meditation mama]

I crashed....

No, Kate. I wouldn't have. I just don't want it. I wanted the "check-out", not AL. I just was overwhelmed. it has just been too much lately. This is the biggest transition I have ever gone through in my life. AND quiting AL at the same time. I wouldn't change that for anything, but it has been tought.

I just went to my quick fix. I think I was hurting too much today...

[wonderworld]

I crashed....

And I totally agree that vicodin could have had your defenses WAY down.

[meditation mama]

I crashed....

I love how myself WAY to much to go back. I WILL NOT drink again. This was a lesson for me. One I will take with me.

WW.. I will flush this out. I DO NOT want this in my body now or EVER!

Now, the biggest hurdle for me is to not let guilt beat me to a pulp....

[Determinator]

I crashed....

MedMama, as you said in your thread starter...you have grown a lot. You have also helped myself and many others grow. catch you on chat soon ok? in the meantime rest up your back and know you are loved

[wonderworld]

I crashed....

meditation mama;287264 wrote:
Now, the biggest hurdle for me is to not let guilt beat me to a pulp....

tomorrow may be pretty rough, I'm afraid. stay close here please :h

[KateH1]

I crashed....

WW-You are so right, once we get on board, it is nearly impossible to abort the plan. God...how many times in the past have I done that!

MM- I am so sorry that you were hurting so bad. Yes, this is a huge transition. More than that, there is a grieving period when a marriage ends, it is natural to feel loss, even when we know it is what we need to do.

And yes, vicoden can definitely lead to drinking. But what choice did you have, but to take it. You are injured.

Remember, what's done is done. You have never taken your sobriety lightly or for granted. You won't start now. You also do not always have to put on a brave face, when you are hurting. You are human too! And, a beautiful human at that.

[meditation mama]

I crashed....

I actually worked my self to to death today, so I don't have to go back to my old place.

My STBX wanted to bring the last few boxes over to me on Monday, and I just called one of my friends and her hubby said he would haul them. I am not ready to have him in my new space. I was having huge anxiety at the thought...

I guess I am having a more difficult time with this whole thing than I thought...

NOTE TO SELF: Do Not Bury Emotional Shit - May make you DRINK!

[wonderworld]

I crashed....

meditation mama;287272 wrote: Do Not Bury Emotional Shit - May make you DRINK!

oh yeah. and sometimes it's hard to see it clearly, until it's too late:upset: But that won't be forever. Not with you !

[KateH1]

I crashed....

I certainly understand the anxiety of your STBX coming to your new place......that would be rough, especially so soon and when you are so exhausted.

I will make that note to myself! It may will help me in the future. Even now, you are a teacher.....always a friend!

[wonderworld]

I crashed....

Because the more you come into balance, the less you get blindsided. And you are doing that. Bringing issues into focus, processing them, integrating them. It's happening. Right this minute even.

[meditation mama]

I crashed....

growing pains.. training wheels, does it ever stop? aarrggh!

I am absolutely exhausted, thankfully.

Thankfully I was able to not let this night go further than it did.

Thankfully I was able to stop and pour out the 3/4 of a bottle of wine, even if it was $25 bottle.

Thankfully I have the most amazing friends anyone could ever ask for, and I have never met them.

Thankfully my DD had a sleepover tonight.

Thankfully I know I don't want to feel this way again. I don't like this buzz. I like being clear and sober.

Thankfully I have MYO. Thank you RJ.

Thankfully I have tomorrow.

Goodnight, my dear, dear friends. I will go to bed now. I will drink lots of water. I will rest. I will log on in the mornign before I have a chance ot beat myself up. I will go on with my journey.

I love you.

MM

[wonderworld]

I crashed....

I love you too:h. Good night XOX

[KateH1]

I crashed....

Love you too.....and you as well, WW.....night ladies.

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

I crashed....

You gorged on wine, so big frickin deal.....tomorrow is another day :l


Hang in there MM, you are my inspiration


Luvya,



Myheart