I crashed....

[MyOwnWoman]

I crashed....

MediMama -
You are a shining light to me and I think of you often. And I am in deep respect of how you are processing your slip, and how you are reaching out for support. You certainly have NOT gone back to ground zero here Hon, because you are so aware of what you have done, what you are going through, and what you must do to continue to heal

Compassion... I know you know all about the power of compassion, especially for oneself.
In the morning, if not now, forgive yourself. Do not hold any grudges or resentments for your slip. You are human ... so very human. In fact, it is your humanness that makes you so special.

Times of transition is where we meet life face to face. And if we happen to get into a tangle with our egos in this time and the ego wins (as in talking us into a few drinks) it is nothing more than further evidence of our need to endure on the journey.

I really do admire you so, and am so impressed by your honesty here tonight.

Forgive yourself, first and foremost. Then continue on to do the work of healing that must be done. You dont need much coaching here, I think - you know how to heal. Just do it.

Humungo hugs to you....

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

I crashed....

Mama Mia... I hope when you read my message, the internal crisis is over and your heart is healing....

Wishing, Welcome, and THANK YOU for your wise message to MM... what I "was gonna" say, but what you said so wisely is:

You made me believe I could grow too.
I think you're amazing.

Please don't take this infinitely small bump in the road as anything other than what it is.
It means nothing.

You are and will continue to be a pillar of strength to me and no doubt, to all of the others you've supported and touched with your wise words.
Who cares if you drank?
How does that detract from the wise and caring person that you are?

You'll simply get back on your path and grow with each passing day.

Please have the same compassion for yourself that you have for us. :h
There is no need to be sorry.

You've done nothing wrong. Disappointment serves no purpose.
You make good choices and you'll continue to do so.

MM, much love :heart:. WW, thank you for offering a clean band-aid to my friend. :l

[lukalee]

I crashed....

MM, I did not read through all of the posts, but I know you are a great, fabulous woman. You are strong, dedicated, and absolutely beautiful. None of us are perfect. You have been going through a difficult part of life, and it is OK that you had a slip. I am not saying it is ok to go out and get trashed every night, but shit happens. You have been dealing with so much that it is only human to want to take a break from what is going on. You are a dear heart, and many people love you here. Tomorrow is a new day.

[nancy]

I crashed....

Hi MM

I didn't have time to read through all the messages you received...

but my feeling is that like so many people, you were using this as a crutch to help you when you feel low. And sure it does for a while, but there are so many worse consequences to go along with the temporary relief.

It seems simple to think we all would learn after disappointment never to seek that temporary relief, but oh, well I guess that is what addiction is all about.

Someone told me that alcoholism is a psychological dependency, a dependency on alcohol to deal with problems and that the way out is to find other ways to deal with it and I know this is true.

So you went back to the old things that made you feel better and you are disappointed in yourself. I hope you look at this with "loving kindness", such a human flaw, as I think that this is the best way forward.

Of course there are the disease theorists out there but let's look at all the practical things that alchohol provides, including the release from repressed feelings, as you indicate in your messages. It's seemingly the perfect haven for someone in distress.

What makes you feel really good for a longer period of time? The things I have read from you previously seemed to show a woman who had overcome a lot of obstacles and felt good about it. This flaw that you have doesn't change any of that or dictate the future.

Good luck MM. You are the best.

Nancy

PS I wonder about you spending all this time with all the old photos and things. It doesn't seem very healthy after a divorce,though I know women who have done it. And this was a guy you seem to have moved on from. Whether you realize it or not, you are subjecting yourself to a lot of pain, which in turn needs relief. i think you should try to fill your schedule and not dwell to too much in memories, that is what buddhism is all about after all... The hardest thing to accept is that relationships change and dwelling on all those losses just brings suffering. and of course, there could be more joyful times to come, because the whole nature of life is change. So, I know you must know this, but seems like you are suffering because your relationship changed.

[maasai]

I crashed....

MM you have been an icon to me, and i feel sad you slipped but listen find a lesson you have learned from that. am sure there must be one, the answer will keep you alert. we need you sober KEEP COMING BACK.

[livingfree]

I crashed....

Wrapping arms of love around you

MM - The wise words of wisdom have been spoken in the messages above here. Please Please Please do NOT beat yourself up. This is a slip - not an all out relapse. The fact that you feel so awful mid stream into drinking a few glasses of wine tells that you are done and are a non drinker! So move on from this - toss the wine glass over your shoulder and congratulate yourself that you have come so far! You will be STRONGER for this experience I have NO doubt.
I love you and am sending hugs

Liv

[wonderworld]

I crashed....

Good morning my friend. I wanted to offer this poem to you this morning, in case you don't know it already.


AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE CHAPTERS
Portia Nelson


1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost...
I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it's a habit
My eyes are open; I know where I am;
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

5) I walk down another street.


Love, WWxx

[meditation mama]

I crashed....

Good morning, my friends....

Thank you all so much for your kind posts. I really feel like they are from the heart, and they mean the world to me. What an amazing community of people. Think about it for a moment.. Think about how lucky we are to have one another. If I didn't have this place I may have finished that bottle, but more importantly I don't know if I would even be a non-drinker. I feel very fortunate today.

Today is a new day, just like yesterday and tomorrow. Yesterday I drank, that won't happen again. I had the opportunity to lay in bed and walk through my day yesterday. I had to look at where this all started, that is just the way I am. I have to get to the bottom of everything.

First, I really must say I think that the vicodin trigger my cravings. I know this is true for me. I didn't have a choice with this... , the pain has been excruciating. I was at the doctors, accupuncture twice, the chiropractor twice, and had three massages. Still the pain came back. And yesterday it was bad. I did take another vicodin yesterday so I could power throught the rest of the move. (really not smart - mask an injury and make it worse by numbing it - bad idea - don't try this at home) I felt I HAD to finish. I emotionally couldn't let it go on any longer. So, the Vicodin triggered the cravings.. but I have overcome cravings, why did I cave in?

When I think of myself metaphorically, I see myself standing in the ocean in a storm. And the waves of life just keep hitting me, spashing in my face, over and over, one after another. Coming at me so fast I don't have time to catch my breath before the next wave hits. This is what it feels like right now.

Then I think to myself, metaphorically, float, MM!! Why are you standing there fighting these waves. Pop yourself up on top of the water and float. You know how to do this, you have done it so many times before, so get your ass back up here and float!

Yesterday I was standing in the water and I couldn't breath.

Today I am floating.

I will not drink. I am a non-drinker. I love my life as a non-drinker. I will continue on. This is like a stump on my path. I will step over it and continue on journey.

Thank you again, everyone. I love you all so much...

MM

[meditation mama]

I crashed....

wonderworld;287364 wrote: Good morning my friend. I wanted to offer this poem to you this morning, in case you don't know it already.


AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE CHAPTERS
Portia Nelson


1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost...
I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it's a habit
My eyes are open; I know where I am;
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

5) I walk down another street.


Love, WWxx

Love it, WW. I will print that out.. Goes on my wall!

xoxxoo

MM

[meditation mama]

I crashed....

WW..

I read that poem and yesterday I was at 3).

Today I choose to be at 4). I will be walking around it next time.

I look forward to seeing what lovely surprises the new street has.. new shoe shops, perhaps?

Nice to see I have made progress...

[wonderworld]

I crashed....

I was thinking the same - 3 to 4 ! mmmmmmmm......... that new street.........
I wonder too.........

WW xx

[Guest]

I crashed....

MM, you did not let us down.....after 7 months I feel flat on my face....was begging to be carted to rehab. You can do this. Dust off, you are a strong woman. we all have a breaking point. Next time, call one of us.......if you would like my number, PM me!

[meditation mama]

I crashed....

Thank you, Luv!

[betty boop]

I crashed....

Not Happy Hour-Happy Life;287293 wrote:


Please have the same compassion for yourself that you have for us. :h
There is no need to be sorry.

MM don't let the guilt beat you to a pulp, you deserve better than that ....

Love ya, BB xx

[Chief]

I crashed....

Good to see you bounce right back, MM......

Forget about yesterday, just live today AF....

You are a great asset to this site and all of us...

Don