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    #1

    Now I am screwed

    Well I have really gone and done it now. Lst week or maybe the week before my husband caught me drinking. Not that I can't at all but you all know what I mean. Anyway I tried to hide it and said it was my meds. I think...Anyway, I hid the wine glass and did a bang up job of it too. Haven't been able to find it. I came home tonight from my certification exam for phlebotomy and all was well. He asked how I did said kids were fine, didn't seem to care that I had a beer, and even kissed me goodnight. I go to do something in the kitchen and there it is sitting in the sink of dirty dishes!:shocked: Now what?? H emust hve found it in the basement moving stuff for the water co. tomorrow. I don't understand?!? Why wouldn't he say anything? He always tlls me I am just going to do it again. This is the crap that helps it along. We barely ever talk, when we do it's never good. Was it b/c it was so long ago and I haven't had any wine in the house? Maybe he's just given up completly and just going to throw me out. I talked to a lawer this morning to find out what my rights are to our kids. Without him knowing. Maybe he is doing the same thing and putting on a poker face. I am working on this for not just me but my kids first. I know I can't place blame but I feel like the reason I am in this state is b/c of my marriage, and I know I have to find my own happiness and be clear headed and sober to see if that is the answer but it is so hard when you are in such a crappy situation. And know to boot I am scared to death b/c he didn't even confont me. Ugh!! I think I might be sick.
    Thanks for the place to babble
    One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your 3 closest friends...If they seem OK then you are the one.
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    #2
    Now I am screwed

    If he gave you a kiss goodnight and put the glass in the sink==== I am thinking this is a jesture of love and ...let's work this out. Maybe, he sees you are suffering and wants to help?
    Sometimes I wonder...."Why is that frisbee getting bigger?"...and then it hits me.

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      #3
      Now I am screwed

      Stay here with us

      Hang in here and read these threads - I believe you will find yourself here - over and over. And there is success here, in many people coming to grips with this brain that craves .... Your husband doesn't know what else to do at this point. When we hide our drinking - we are fooling no one. Buying but a moment of peace for ourselves. I am 70 days Alcohol free, and I still know I will find a bottle somewhere. maybe even next year? But I am committed to adding no more. It can be done - and you will be there too - If you choose.

      Hoping you stay here with us
      Liv
      AF since Jan. 1, 2008 .... It all began right here


      Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice, you made it now.


      (from the Movie "Once")

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        #4
        Now I am screwed

        He might have thought the glass was from a long time ago?
        Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
        - George Jackson

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          #5
          Now I am screwed

          I dunno

          Mmmm thank you both. Maybe it was a gesture of love and he didn't want to confront me. Maybe it was just resignation.. both sound right. His silence has always killed me. He waits about everything and then says I didn't say anything but.... then he pounces! And there is nothing you can do or say. No matter what it is about. I was thinking about writing the letter that our marriage counselor wanted us to do ( that lasted 3 sessions) and tell him how I feel about everything. And iclude that I know about the glass. I dunno I am jsut all shook up.. No one likes to get caught with your pants down. especially when you are not in the act!
          One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your 3 closest friends...If they seem OK then you are the one.

          Comment

            #6
            Now I am screwed

            I hope so myheart!
            One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your 3 closest friends...If they seem OK then you are the one.

            Comment

              #7
              Now I am screwed

              Twinsmommy, it sounds to me like you and hubby need to have open and frank conversations about the al issue. you can't go through life pretending not to notice the elephant in the living room. Just my two cents. Communication is everything in relationships. Hope it all works out
              nosce te ipsum
              (Know Thyself)

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                #8
                Now I am screwed

                Livingfree thanks for the encouragement. How did you stop? I did the program in the beginning but the Topa was too strong and I had fallen off the rest b/c the Topa worked so well. (except for the side effects!) But now I don't know how to get back on track. I feel lost all over again. When i stopped the Topa it started to creep up on me. He doesn't want an AF wife we've been through that several times. He just wants me to have one sometimes or not let it bother me when he drinks and I can't. Easier said than done.
                One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your 3 closest friends...If they seem OK then you are the one.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Now I am screwed

                  Thanks Determinator, I like everyone's cents ! :-) Communication has ALWAYS been our problem so that's hard.
                  One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your 3 closest friends...If they seem OK then you are the one.

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                    #10
                    Now I am screwed

                    Twins Mommy.... it really depends on what type of wife YOU want to be, J.... you can't be worried about whether HE wants you to be AF....
                    if he wanted you to be blonde, would you dye your hair?
                    If he wanted you to weight 100 pounds or 200 pounds, would you lose/gain weight?
                    (Hey, if he wants you to have a boob job, but you don't want them... will you send them to me? :H)

                    What is so different about alcohol?

                    What DOES twins daddy really want? You sound like you are trying to quit drinking completely for you and your twins, but thoughts of moderation are entertained when YOU THINK of what your husband wants for HIM. Are you sure that Twins Daddy wants you to moderate?

                    Isn't it more important for you to be there, as a woman? DOES IT REALLY MATTER WHETHER YOU ARE SIPPING ON MERLOT, OR ON CRANBERRY JUICE?
                    If you want to save your marriage, and what you truly want to do is stop drinking, then get a sitter and have an AF date with hubby. Tell him that his choices are
                    1. a responsible AF, happy you or
                    2. a confused, unhappy drunk wife.

                    Tell him that you choose #1, and that you want to do it with him by your side, but you need his support so that nothing sabotages your journey.

                    Much love, J.... stay close by, okay? We'll help you. :heart:

                    Patty
                    Tampa, FL

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Now I am screwed

                      Hi Twinsmommy, I really believe we are so full of guilt that we see problems where none exist.
                      Had it been a cup would you have felt so bad? I agree with Determinator, re. frank discussion,
                      but then I'm good at giving advice not so good at taking it.
                      Best of luck.
                      .

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Now I am screwed

                        Twins Mommy,
                        I agree totally with Det and NHH_HL, communication and letting him know what you are thinking is a major part of the solution. If you need to put it in writing, if that would be less confrontational, then by all means do so. You need him to understand how AL affects YOU, and that YOU want/need to quit using AL for your own sanity. Just my two cents worth!
                        Stay Strong!
                        BHOG
                        War isn't working. Let's try Peace!

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Now I am screwed

                          Hi all Thanks for the advice. I think my best bet is to put it in writing. I will give it a shot.. I think Paula is right about seeing problems where there aren't any..I mean who knows what he thought when he found that glass maybe nothing. (b/c he figured it was months ago) And I just make myself nuts. i tend to do that. Anyway thanks all. Going to post a new thread about why I am drinking stay tuned. LOL
                          One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your 3 closest friends...If they seem OK then you are the one.

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