Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

A Blessing In Disguise

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
    #1

    A Blessing In Disguise

    I've spent the great majority of my life feeling in control of things. I felt I never needed any help and never wanted to feel indebted to anyone. I thought this was the source of my strength. I never took anything from anyone (or so I thought...I actually took a lot from this world by giving nothing). Looking back, I now can see that I was running from the basic need we all have to connect with and accept from others. I may not have felt indebted to anyone but my false sense of security and my narrow world were a very high price to pay.

    Because I wouldn't admit to myself that I needed others, life decided to grant me the blessing of alcoholism five years ago. While it has and is the hardest struggle I've ever faced, it forced me to come to terms with the fact that I needed others. I would never ever have broken down that wall I had built. That illusion that I needed no one. Alcohol literally tore down my defenses bit by bit and I held on to them every step of the way. I missed out on the opportunity of a larger life filled with love for others and for myself. Now I'm realizing that I want others in my life. What a lonely existence I had with only myself as company. Projecting a face of independence and confidence alienated me from everyone. I was not "real" with anyone, including myself.

    It took alcohol, something I could not beat through bluster and denial, to force me to see myself and my life for what it was. On good days, I remember to thank alcohol for providing me with an obstacle I could not overcome without help. For all of the pain alcohol has caused, it has given me so much more. I have real relationships now that I value and trust. On my bad days, I know that I can't win and I reach out. One thing I've learned is that accepting help is actually a gift to those who offer it. It acknowledges their value as a fellow human being. But I always try to give in return. It doesn't have to be to that person, right then. But someone needs us to give at any time of the day. A smile, picking up your own mess, getting someone a cup of coffee, or listening to their recollections of their day. Giving and taking is a symbiotic relationship. I have to become good at both giving and taking. Because that opens up my life, my mind and my heart to something bigger than myself, which reduces drinking to it's proper place. Alcohol gives me absolutely nothing and takes everything I have.
    Tags: None
    #2
    A Blessing In Disguise

    That was a very enlightening post. I got a lot from this, and I am sure others will as well. Thank you.
    Goal 1: Today
    Goal 2: Tomorrow

    Comment

      #3
      A Blessing In Disguise

      Thanks for the thought provoking post, AW. I think that those of us who are trying to recover can think of a few things that our drinking gave us in a roundabout way.

      :l :l
      AF as of August 5th, 2012

      Comment

        #4
        A Blessing In Disguise

        (((((Always Wishing)))))

        Sounds like you were abused, either emotionally and/or physically. I'm sorry for this if true and I understand. Either way, my guess or something else, I give you kudos for recognizing your so called strength in being a "turtle" limits you from the luv and kindness you can experience.

        You got guts hon. :l

        Comment

          #5
          A Blessing In Disguise

          Hi Hart and all,

          As for lots of us, abuse did play a role in my early years. Mentally ill father, foster homes etc. Learning to give was the last thing I wanted to learn how to do. I was so angry and defensive. Most of my early accomplishments were gained out of spite to others, to show them I could. I wasn't a very aware person for most of my life. Sometimes I feel like such a little kid in how I look at things. Like I have such an incredibly long way to go to "grow up". But I'm just so glad to be growing at all. To see a light at the end of the tunnel. It helps me to remember that life is one long growth process. As long as I'm working at it, progress will happen.

          I wanted to say that I hope that my post about alcohol as a blessing didn't strike anyone as flippant or making light of the issue. I in no way intended that. It's just that if I look at it that way, I feel more positive. If I can turn my problems into allies that can push me towards growth, it is so much easier to deal with them. If I look at my alcoholism as a deadly enemy that might kill me, I want to give up. That whole ying yang concept. There's a positive and a negative to everything.

          Comment

            #6
            A Blessing In Disguise

            AlwaysWishing

            You didn't see one reply saying your post was flippant, did ya? I have found MWO to be a caring, understanding group. With a lot of humor at times, I'm a subscriber, you almost HAVE to have humor to be one If you read my story in MY STORY you will see why I recognized your abuse in your post.

            I really am glad you have come here. We need enlightened (as Young at Heart said) people like you. Post on! :goodjob:

            Comment

              #7
              A Blessing In Disguise

              AlwaysWishing, thank you for posting, for both posts. Your optimism, love for life, and acceptance is amazing. I'm so glad that I found your post. I look forward to watching you "grow up". However, you are on a fast track to getting there. You have such strength and determination, you really are an inspiration.

              AND HART.....reading your posts, I have always felt that you were an amazing, caring person. I was blown away by how intuitive you were by asking AW about childhood abuse. Do you have a couch I could use?

              Comment

                #8
                A Blessing In Disguise

                Hart, posting at the same time. I will read your story, and still hope you have a couch!

                Comment

                  #9
                  A Blessing In Disguise

                  AW, I really enjoyed reading your post. I think I know exactly what you mean about viewing negative events in our lives that we have to work hard to overcome as having value. I think we become better and stronger people - better able to give through our difficult experiences moreso than the easy times. Sometimes I think the difficult times are meant for growth, even though that comes with some pain, and the easier times are for taking a breath and smelling the roses - a reward of sorts.

                  While I wish I had never taken that first drink of alcohol (LOL - along with a long list of other things...), I am what I am for better or worse. There is something very positive about looking for the silver lining inside every cloud.

                  Thank you for sharing!

                  DG
                  **
                  Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                  Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

                  One day at a time.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    A Blessing In Disguise

                    Thanks to all of you! It's so valuable to get feedback about where we're at and how to move forward.

                    And Hart, I agree with Suki411, you are one perceptive person!

                    You're all working so hard and doing so well. There's a lot of growing happening on this board.

                    Thanks for taking the time to reply. Be safe, well and happy!

                    Comment

                      #11
                      A Blessing In Disguise

                      Thanks alwayswishing, for the food for thought. Great post.

                      Comment

                      Previous template Next
                      Working...
                      X