Worried...need a bit of an ear...?

[LVT25]

Worried...need a bit of an ear...?

FMS--I feel for you. My parents both got sick (cancer) about the same time. Mom passed away first, so my siblings and I took turns caring for dad. Fortunately he did not have the same attitude as your father, but it was a very sad time, cause all he wanted was to die. He did 6 months after mom. Anyway, I know this doesn't help you, I just wanted you to know I care and I will say some prayers for you.:l

[happydog]

Worried...need a bit of an ear...?

fms,

Take care....i will be thinking of you especially those words you say.. when going home it will hit home and starting kicking in. (I know that feeling... wish i coud be there with you when you get home:h)

Stay strong

Love

Teardrop.x

[disapprovingcat]

Worried...need a bit of an ear...?

Gosh. It shouldn't surprise me that many here have parent issues.

(((FMS))) I'm so very sorry about the loss of your mom. I won't hijack your thread with the issues that my dad has put us through since my mom's passing, but know that you're not alone.

Hang in there, you have to save yourself.

[Noelle]

Worried...need a bit of an ear...?

FMS, I have nothing to add but wanted you to know I'm thinking about you! ((((FMS))))

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

Worried...need a bit of an ear...?

It sounds like he is playing games with you and you are allowing yourself to be victimized because you feel sorry for him. There is no excuse for toying with someone's heart. If I were you I would not answer the phone eerytime he calls and I would focus on my own kids, JMHO.

Sorry you are going through this crap :h

[YoungAtHeart]

Worried...need a bit of an ear...?

You've gotten a lot of good advice here, FMS. When I'm faced with really difficult situations, I try to listen to my heart and my gut. Not my guilt or shame or negative emotions.

I want you to try and do that. Even if you have to tell your father, "I'll need to think about that," you need to give yourself space to make decisions about what kind of role you want to play in his life and how much you want to give. Please think about your own self-respect--not his ability to make you feel guilty.

I send my prayers to help you to find YOUR WAY of handling this to your satisfaction. Just remember: what makes your father happy IS NOT likely to be what makes you happy.

:l :l

[Prest4time]

Worried...need a bit of an ear...?

Hi FMS,

Just wanted to say really quick that I am currently awaiting a conference call initiated by my older sister to discuss the current situation with my father. I can relate to so much of what you shared, and what you are experiencing. It is a helpless feeling to have a parent now completely dependent on their children. I am grateful to have two brothers and a sister to share the load with, but nonetheless, its a rough one to travel. Maybe you can make some compromises such as visits at certain times with the understanding that you are not available to be his daily mental/emotional strength? I know I sound trite -- I dont mean too, and I certainly understand how complicated these things can be.

Wishing you all the best, and sending you cyber strength!

P4T

[slightlysuze]

Worried...need a bit of an ear...?

Just remember: what makes your father happy IS NOT likely to be what makes you happy

That is SO spot on, YoungAtHeart.

It's sad but we have to make a compromise - meet whatever of your dad's needs that you can (with a smile and cheerful heart)...BUT....realise and accept that it will never be possible for you to meet ALL of his needs.....and somehow learn to live with the sadness.

Don't mean that to sound gloomy...and it's the prescription I am trying desperately to put into place with my mum......and not doing too well with :H

Be of good cheer, Finding


Love


Suze xx

[Finding My Self]

Worried...need a bit of an ear...?

Oh wow.....I have just got to a hotel to use a weak signal.....depserate....a thread coming....look out!

You are just wonderful......I hope you know that. All the going ons 'out here' hasn't come anywhere near the sage and amazing advice and empathy I've just read here... It is sooooh helpful to read it and there are so many good things to take home....i shall be cutting and posting away like mad to save and re-read at home!

There are so many new threads (8 pages!) that I am dying to read and can't just now....I do hope I can catch up soon and in the meantime send everyone loads and loads of good wishes. (In case I don't post a thread, basically, I managed to get my phone line back on yesterday but have to re-order my internet connection and it will take 7-10 working days at least..... our b*%&$^%%?^$&%&% phone company in the UK - causes more stress than almost anything out there I think! (I know I am not alone!!) To be cut off by mistake (theirs since December 2003 and at last admitted !!!) I also broke my glasses last night too so have to go buy glue and hope; I am wearing my ordinary ones and my arms aren't long enough to see and type!!!

So, thinking of you all and back later.....

Big hugs
FMS xxxx :h:h:h:h

[slightlysuze]

Worried...need a bit of an ear...?

:l Loving you, Finding! :l

Find those specs....LOL!!!!:H


Love


Suze x