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    #1

    Freedom

    Hi all.
    I've been thinking a lot lately about freedom, how it plays out in my mind and how the concept influences my drinking.

    I realized that those nights that I choose to drink - they are few now compared to previously, when I drank "8 days a week" - there is a voice in my head that says, "You're free to do what you want to. You wanna drink? Go for it, you're FREE!"

    I'm a single mom, and this voice rears up when my daughter is with her dad. And it also reminds me that there is no partner, no nobody, who can determine or judge what I do with my time alone. To drink a bottle of wine is my way of asserting my freedom to do whatever the hell I want.

    Or is it???

    What kind of freedom makes me pull into the jiffy mart for a bottle of wine when I've committed, for the thousandth time, that I would not drink any more? What kind of freedom is this when after the first glass I cannot stop there, and I abandon all plans of getting some housework done, or writing, or going for a walk?

    This is NO FREEDOM. This is SLAVERY.
    Choosing to have that first drink is the metaphorical equivalent of holding my wrists and ankles out for my master (drink) to control me, to determine my immediate and long term fate.

    This is NO FREEDOM.
    I am free to choose that first drink or not. After that, I'm a slave to it.
    FINALLY -- I'm a non-drinker!!
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    #2
    Freedom

    MOW- I completely understand and also realize the loss of freedom after glass 1. However, you made it much more clear in my head. If I could mark this post as a Favorite, I would! Sometimes I think alcohol kills our weak brain cells and the strongest continue to thrive. Your post confirmed it! However, you may have strong brain cells but are still a slave. I say FUCK SLAVERY!

    Peace!

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      #3
      Freedom

      thanks Lucky!
      (by the way, that Einstien quote has long been one of my faves)
      FINALLY -- I'm a non-drinker!!

      Comment

        #4
        Freedom

        MOW- ok, glad we agree!

        You look really angry in your avatar! Are you that angry?

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          #5
          Freedom

          Oh god, thanks for reminding me Lucky. No, I need a new avatar. That was me a few weeks ago....
          Will find a new one now!
          FINALLY -- I'm a non-drinker!!

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            #6
            Freedom

            Hmmm- angry to pyscho! I think it is all good!

            Comment

              #7
              Freedom

              MyOwnWoman, your post completely hit the nail on the head for me. I used to mistake my choosing to drink for freedom. I now recognize it for what it really is. Thanks for summing it up so perfectly. :h
              ~K.

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                #8
                Freedom

                Thanks for this great post. I feel very much the same way your post states.
                Goal 1: Today
                Goal 2: Tomorrow

                Comment

                  #9
                  Freedom

                  MOW~

                  You are such a beautiful woman, so insightful, so honest, and truly one of my favorite reads..

                  Your insight here is so parallel to mine it's uncanny. Everytime my little one went to her Dad's I would have that dialog. I would give my self permission. I worked so hard, I was due.. due what? Due to sit there as a slave to my wine glass.. not doing all the things that I wanted to do. Things I really, really WANTED to do, but just couldn't - if that is not slavelry, what is?

                  My little on is now at my parents, I will follow in two days. I am alone for three days. I have no desire to drink. I am running errands at night. I am cleaning, decorating my house, shopping after work and talking with people, going for coffee in the morning without fear of smelling like the wine I drank the night before. I am free. 70+ AF days later.. I am a non-drinker and I am free...

                  Thank you, MYO. You are amamzing!

                  Namaste, my friend.

                  MM
                  Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.

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                    #10
                    Freedom

                    meditation mama, i'm crying having read your post. i'm just new to the site...sipping beer as i write and wishing i could capture the freedom you speak of..the freedom of truth to myself rather than the cynical freedom of lies...where i tell myself i drink cause i have no other options. i drink to forget.
                    i remain a slave cause the alternative is too petrifying...and yet, what a lie that is...continuing this road is what's petrifying...picturing myself in 10 years having allowed all this to continue and my soul to deteriorate...being true to myself would hurt other people at the moment...i'm a coward.

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                      #11
                      Freedom

                      Larissa, you sound so sad. Read lots here, try the supps, learn all you can, and never give up.

                      MM - You inspire me. :h
                      FINALLY -- I'm a non-drinker!!

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