scary dream

[TiredofHiding]

Hi -
I have been AF for 68 days now I think it is. I am feeling good and am contemplating what the next steps are . . . going mod or staying AF? If I go mod, how do I define that?

Last night I had a disturbing dream. . . very realistic. I was the old me. I don't remember all of it this morning but I was pulling vodka bottles out of all my old favorite hiding places, and sending my husband off on made up errands so I could drink while he was gone and was sloshing vodka and diet coke into glasses quickly and chugging while watching the door to the garage to see when he'd be back.

It was scary. I woke up feeling the panic of getting caught. I felt the guilt and the angry looks from him.

I wonder if its my subconscious' way of telling me I'm not ready to moderate - or may never be - and reminding me of how it used to be? I'll stay the course for now. . .

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

scary dream

Wow, that must have been a nightmare! I'd say you are right, and while there may be "one day" where you can moderate, you are smart for staying the course for now.... :heart:

[greeneyes]

scary dream

Wowee.. that would scare the big girl pants right off of me. Congrats ont the 68 days! I shall aspire to that. Maybe wait til you go 90 days and think about it then. Brain telling you it's a tad bit too early? Listen to me giving advice. I yearn for a string.

[Breez]

scary dream

This dream is almost an argument to keep the track your on. Why go back to the tiresome ways of "watching how much to drink, when to drink the next drink, watching the clock, watching the glass, planning, etc". Too much time and energy wasted. You saw that in your dream. Being AF you can enjoy your freedom anyway you want without worries and burdens.

[wonderworld]

scary dream

Hi Tiredofhiding-

Awesome on those 68 days! And so impressed with your being so open and honest about considering your next steps drinking-wise. I can certainly understand your fears. I'm sure you will get all kinds of good feedback and suggestions.

Going back to drinking has never 'worked' for me for very long, and it's a big risk in my eyes. 68 days of sobriety is incredible - definitely protect it with your life until you're sure your next steps are fully thought through (which you are doing!).

Maybe ask yourself - what is my motivation to drink again? Seeing as there are infinite other possibilities for beverages, drinking alcohol would mean adding back the brain, mood and mind-altering effects of it. Yes, it should be considered very very carefully. And if you do, would you want to take a medication like Topa, to help your brain chemistry support moderation?

I say put off any decision until 90 days. Physical cravings end fairly quickly after quitting, and reasearch says that with total abstinence new patterns of behavior are estbalished by 21 days. But research also suggests that at around 90 days there is a significant shift in the brain's recovery (a recovery which fortunately can continue the rest of your abstinent life). Maybe your answer will be more clear then, and this way, you don't have to even start thinking about it again for another 22 days. Just a thought.

Or..... is it curiosity? I don't know if this is the first time you have quit, but I can imagine that after 68 days you would be dying of curiosity to see what it would be like to have a drink now. Very tempting. Also dancing with the devil! But then again, sometimes a little AF time followed by a little (hopefully) drinking really shows you where it's at and helps you be naturally more committed and happy about being AL-free, because you know for sure. But again - potentially a big risk.

Whatever you decide, we're here to support you. I can see that you are working very diligently to find YOUR best long term solution, in a responsible way. What else could anyone ask of you? We are here to support your process in whatever way we can.

Love WW xx

[Tony]

scary dream

That's scary....
I once had dream that I inherited a Brewary......I woke up in a cold sweat !

[AMELIA]

scary dream

Yep, that dream sounds very scary to me...and reminds me of my reality too (with wine) up until 3 days ago. I even dreamt the night before last that there was a terrible black beast in the apartment and I couldn't get my partner to see it (alcohol perhaps as I was hiding bottles here and there).
Anyhow....as others have said, incredibly risky to go back. You will undo the work you have already done clearing your system of the booze.
The dream sounds like it comes from a place of fear (it's not a positive dream about moderation), therefore I would wait. Sounds like you subconscious mind is trying to tell you something.

[TiredofHiding]

scary dream

Thank you all. I too wonder why I keep trying to figure out when I can drink again. The fact that after 71 days now I still think of times it might be nice, is a sign I probably shouldn't. but I so want to be able to be mature about it and be responsible.
Today is almost 80 degrees, beautiful blue sky, gentle breeze. I keep thinking how nice it would be to sit out on the patio when DH gets home and have a glass of a nicely chilled chardonnay and celebrate a 3 day weekend. Is that ok? Can I stop with one glass or will I open the flood gates?

I'm going to go drink some sparkling water and sit outside in the sunshine until my husband gets home and talk to him about it. I think I might take some L Glut just to make sure I make a choice for the right reason and not a physical craving.