This Is Noelle's Mom

[AMELIA]

This Is Noelle's Mom

Well thank god,... it seems the shortbread swiss army knife has saved the day!!!!
:H

[lillyatter]

This Is Noelle's Mom

I spent 45 minutes writing a ridiculously long post to you because i thought by your post that you were reaching out for some kind words,support,i am still not sure?I am assuming by your short response to us that you are actually OK and that you were just being funny,so-Sorry if i was too "RAH-RAH" Noelle when that was maybe not why you were posting....didnt mean to make a big deal of something that was nothing?

Hope all goes well this weekend for ALL of us this Easter weekend,and that we can stay strong...

hugs,

[AMELIA]

This Is Noelle's Mom

Yeah, Lilly I get you. Don't worry about being too 'RAH RAH', I was worried too.
You are such a sweetie.
x

[Noelle]

This Is Noelle's Mom

Lilly.......I loved your post! Don't be sorry. What I posted was not about "nothing."

Amelia.......didn't I apologize? I will again, no problem. I am really very sorry for causing anyone to get upset about my post. I was just doing something a little different. I guess it was a little easier for me to pretend to be someone else and talk about how I was feeling.

I tried as soon as I saw what was happening to stop eveything. Y'all might not believe this but it upset me quite a bit that only a few understood me. In fact I shed quite a few tears over it. I'm really sorry I did it. However, I can't promise I'll change into someone else, that's just not me. I hope everyone understands, okay?

[betty boop]

This Is Noelle's Mom

Don't shed tears, Now that we all understand you can do it more often .......

Anything that helps you is OK by me .........

Post away as whoever you want to be .........

Love ya, BB xx

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

This Is Noelle's Mom

Noelle;295513 wrote: BTW, my mom knows nothing about anything I do. She is not the kind of supportive person one would confess any weakness to. That's probably why it was fun pretending to be her.

I'm sure that's why it was fun pretending to be her and that's pretty sad Noelle, you deserve better than that. I understand, I don't have a Mother (to speak of :H) and it's a big part of the reason I've turned to alcohol.


Take Care :h

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

This Is Noelle's Mom

Rebecca,
I hope you don't mind if I dissect your post, because it was wonderfully written and applied to many of us! While you may have been thinking of Noelle when you wrote it, I'm glad I took the time to read your advice.
First, you are very wise, and wonderfully accepting that we are all screwy:
Dont you even THINK about apologizing to any of us here .I totally understand what your thought process was now.This is the place we SHOULD be able to toss the confusing thoughts we have in our heads about this extremely hard struggle that we have to deal w/ day to day.that's why we joined this group in the 1st place,right?
And what about this snippet? While Easter may not be the most commercially hyped up holiday, it is a time for family gatherings, and rightfully so, you remind us that we need to take care of ourselves first....

...but I just wanted to let you know that remind yourself that it IS okay to be selfish for a while, okay, honey? I mean if you are not going to be mindful of where you go,w/ whom and what kind of circumstances you are going to be thrown in, how th F--K are you going to stay on top of things?



I was going to say that the next part is my favorite, but I might have to wait to make that call....
You are trying so damn hard,I can tell that and FEEL that in your posts-in fact you stand out among people here to me for that reason.

SO- please please-DON'T you feel for one moment that you need to get your stomach wrapped up in knots and take on any feelings of guilt over what you think you "should" be able to handle, or what you "think" you should be able to enjoy already, or how other people (who, by the way are NOT going thru what you are going thru, so cannot truly understand where your head and heart are right now)"think" you should act,and SO ON!!!


Rebecca, when I read the part about not getting my stomach wrapped up in a big huge knot, I could totally relate... and a little bird in the back of my head said, "she's right. I always do this, don't I?"

And whether the next part was on-the-money or not, I'd bet a gazillion dollars that this part TRULY hit home with many of us, who think that because we have a drinking issue, we are second class citizens....

Now, I am not even sure if I am on track here at all, but it sounds to me like you feel like you deserve less than another because of the fact that you are an alchy. Well, guess what Noelle?
You deserve MORE! You are proving right now that you are stronger than most (most people will never have to fight such a tremendous struggle!).

You deserve EXTRA love and kindness right now because your sweet little body is recovering from hell, and you can only do so much on your own. So, on top of having to be the superhuman superstar that you are right now, kicking al's ass as hard as you can, it would also be really ideal if you had loved ones (Mary,if you are online again,I hope you are listening,hee hee..) who took extra steps right now to make sure that they made sure that YOU were ok 1st, i.e,making sure that holiday plans were sensitive to our dear Noelles recovery process. Gonna happen? Well, goddamn, sure would be nice,huh! Maybe some people will be that kind and maybe others won't-it really doesn't matter.


Will you please read that part again, so you can realize how impactful you are? Not only did you give her a "Hall Pass" for school... no, you gave her Student of the Year. And as I read that, I thought, "Oh, Lilly, you hit that right on the head, girl. We all need to recognize how it takes more strength to fight this addiction, rather than to give in"... Thank YOU!

What matters is that YOU remember that it is OK to put yourself 1st!
And I mean,WHATEVER that means.


And while Noelle/Mother Mary may or may not need this bit of advice, these are great coping suggestions for the rest of us. I know, holidays are supposed to be wonderful, but like you so eloquently pointed out, Rebecca, they can really bring out the beast for some of us....

Now, I am certainly not suggesting you cancel your trip and hide in your house alone on Easter to keep yourself safe from the AL-monster-but, you know what, hey, if you are a team player enough to be spending the money and flying out of state to be w/ your family for EAster and you feel like there are some activities that just sound REPULSIVE to you (i wish i could remember-did you say the actual Easter dinner was at that nasty bar-ugh- I hope not )...and that you feel are just going to be detrimental to your health, basicly- f- them!

You have right to say,"you know, guys, I'd love to,but i think i'll stay here and enjoy a nap in the beautiful, bed you made for me. Gosh, life is so hectic at home, it is just such a treat being able to rest in your warm, cozy home! Then how bout I'll get up and get a head start on dinner for us and catch up w/ yaall around 5?"...Or something like that...You need to enjoy your vacation too! Its not just their easter, its yours too,you know?

So, I've taken your "ramble" and added more ramble to it, because I don't want you to think that the perceptive advice you wrote earlier was for naught. Thank you, Lilly girl, and have a wonderful Easter. As you said, I hope that everyone has the weekend with our heads in the right place.
Help up high.
Much love, with one chocolate foiled egg hidden behind the piano bench, (and one beautiful lilly perched on top of the piano, too).... :heart:
Patty.

[lillyatter]

This Is Noelle's Mom

Patty....

I have had to read your post 3 times because my eyes are welled up w/ tears and i can't hardly see...so much more to say to you,spent a long time posting back,but realized I dont want to "hi-Jack" Noelles thread,so i erased it....I am just so grateful for your kind words,i cant tell you ...You are wonderful beyond words and your post means more to me than I CAN EVEN try TO EXPLAIN!?:thanks::huggy
p.s.Coming from a person like you that i have respected since I have BEEN here...oh,god,not EVEN gonna cry again .....SUPER special..:h

[Mags]

This Is Noelle's Mom

Noelle

I just caught this thread and I got it right away and thought it was brilliant. I wish I had written it. You speak the truth to yourself and to me. What a brave woman.

I never could and still cannot talk to my Mom about anything. But don't we all play the punishment game on ourselves? We think so much of the mothers who will never understand us and wish so much for the mothers who do. We love them both.

Wouldn't it be nice to be three years old again and to reach your little hand for a piece of candy on the table. And Mommy says no. That's it.

Now, that Mom is nowhere to be found. She never was. Now we are picking out little pieces of crab.

Not so bad, really. You have taken the punishment that you have given yourself. Time to let that go also. Pick out the crab slowly and with purpose. It does take some work but tastes sweet.

Just my two cents worth.

xoxoxox

[Dolly Sunshine]

This Is Noelle's Mom

your 2 cents was worth a million to me.

[Cinders]

This Is Noelle's Mom

Noelle,

One thing I have learned the hard way, and I mean the hard way!! Is that your sobriety must come first. It truly must.

If going out to watch your family eat crabs and drink beer is going to be a trial for you, especially sobriety-wise, simply do not do it. Say whatever you must to get them off your back, but do not do it.

By the way, telling your mom is not always a good idea. I have been honest with my 84 year old mom. She now calls twice a day, all she ever talks about is whether I am sober or not, and once told me that "if you loved me, you would never drink again."

Now, I love my dear mom very much but the calls are starting to get on my nerves "just a bit" (I don't even talk to my husband that often on the phone!!) and two, at least he talks about things other than my drinking, and three, he gets that I love him even though I am an alcoholic.

So, moms are great but sometimes it may be best if they don't know. It depends on their personality.

Back to your situation, Noelle, if I were you and I hated crabs and loved beer and was trying so hard to stay sober like you have been doing, I would find a really good reason not to go. There is alway the mysterious tummy flu...

Love and best of luck sweetie,
Cindi

[Noelle]

This Is Noelle's Mom

Thanks! I got through last night with no problems. Thinking about y'all helped and knowing I had the computer to come back to in the hotel room made me feel better too. I was only on a little last night because I was so tired, but just knowing I had access to MWO was very comforting.

The ONLY reason I ever really come to Baltimore is to see my husband's father. My daughter is the same way. He's not doing well health-wise so we buck up and come whenever we're invited. Next time will be Father's Day.

Being at the bar/restaurant wasn't that bad. They've painted, cleaned and generally lightened up the place since the last time we were there. The only problem was the SIL who was trying to get everyone up to sing Kaeroke (sp?). Poor thing was very drunk and just didn't understand why no one wanted to do it. It's "her" bar and she was sorta showing off. I totally understand how she felt, but at least I was not one of the ones trying to push the others. Whew!

Next is Easter lunch. I can do that standing on my head. But I'll sit in my chair instead!

Thank God for MWO! Y'all Rock!!!!!!