how much better my life is without alcohol?
Last night I was at 82 days AF but, like last Saturday night, I had a very very strong urge to have wine.
To let you understand I have breezed through and had stopped taking any supps and stopped listening to hypno a while ago and was fine but as of last week the strong urge returned and I put it down to coming up to the 90 days and that Saturday feeling. I did not drink last week but stuffed my face with large amounts of food by way of compensation!
Last night I persuaded myself that it's Easter, I'm going on holiday next week and was planning on having some wine then anyway, it's Saturday night, I'll just have one glass with my dinner.
Yes you've guessed, the one glass turned into the bottle and then a glass from another bottle.
So what did I learn from this, well during the binge I didn't feel happy and lifted, I felt only negative emotions. I found myself hiding the empty bottle behind the bin. I felt lonely, bored, very aware of the drunk feeling and ashamed especially when my sixteen year old came home and commented that she knew I would drink the whole bottle.
I was surprised that even after all this time I really can't control how much I drink. I was disgusted when my partner , who had been at the pub, came home and thought because I had been drinking that he was on to a good thing, if you know what I mean (we haven't been getting on)
This morning I felt sick from a slight hangover, surprised again I didnt feel worse after the period of AF. There's half a bottle of wine in the fridge and I'm going to pour it out.
I have learned that maybe this was supposed to happen to let me see the two sides of the coin, so to speak.
So what now? I really do want to enjoy a glass of wine out with friends, but could I stop at just a glass or two? I think if I was in company I could. I won't and can't drink on my own again as I now see it's the bad, lonely, desperate place I've was before which doesn't just stop with a saturday night. I can really see my triggers, (coming to the end of the 90 days with no plan in place, holidays, lonlieness, feelings of being deprived of 'something')
So a new plan is coming into my head. I do not drink in the house. I am going to try the glass or two when out with friends and closely monitor myself. I can see the journey before me and there is lots of stuff going on in my life and control over alcohol is only a small part of me and that's where it deserves to be.
I'm rambling now, just thought I would share this with you and see if any of you have a similar experience and where on the journey are you? I'm just picking myself up, dusting myself off and taking another path to see where that leads
Last night I was at 82 days AF but, like last Saturday night, I had a very very strong urge to have wine.
To let you understand I have breezed through and had stopped taking any supps and stopped listening to hypno a while ago and was fine but as of last week the strong urge returned and I put it down to coming up to the 90 days and that Saturday feeling. I did not drink last week but stuffed my face with large amounts of food by way of compensation!
Last night I persuaded myself that it's Easter, I'm going on holiday next week and was planning on having some wine then anyway, it's Saturday night, I'll just have one glass with my dinner.
Yes you've guessed, the one glass turned into the bottle and then a glass from another bottle.
So what did I learn from this, well during the binge I didn't feel happy and lifted, I felt only negative emotions. I found myself hiding the empty bottle behind the bin. I felt lonely, bored, very aware of the drunk feeling and ashamed especially when my sixteen year old came home and commented that she knew I would drink the whole bottle.
I was surprised that even after all this time I really can't control how much I drink. I was disgusted when my partner , who had been at the pub, came home and thought because I had been drinking that he was on to a good thing, if you know what I mean (we haven't been getting on)
This morning I felt sick from a slight hangover, surprised again I didnt feel worse after the period of AF. There's half a bottle of wine in the fridge and I'm going to pour it out.
I have learned that maybe this was supposed to happen to let me see the two sides of the coin, so to speak.
So what now? I really do want to enjoy a glass of wine out with friends, but could I stop at just a glass or two? I think if I was in company I could. I won't and can't drink on my own again as I now see it's the bad, lonely, desperate place I've was before which doesn't just stop with a saturday night. I can really see my triggers, (coming to the end of the 90 days with no plan in place, holidays, lonlieness, feelings of being deprived of 'something')
So a new plan is coming into my head. I do not drink in the house. I am going to try the glass or two when out with friends and closely monitor myself. I can see the journey before me and there is lots of stuff going on in my life and control over alcohol is only a small part of me and that's where it deserves to be.
I'm rambling now, just thought I would share this with you and see if any of you have a similar experience and where on the journey are you? I'm just picking myself up, dusting myself off and taking another path to see where that leads
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