For long-term AFers...

[Shikakai]

For long-term AFers...

TiredofHiding;297411 wrote: Having just learned the hard way that I can't moderate, I am really interested in this thread. I noticed that the voice was gone after about 5 days but after hitting 50-60 days I started hearing it again. I shouldn't have listened. I hope it will go away one day and I think what everyone has said about surrendering and choosing 100% abstinence makes that easier - there's no point in thinking about it or wondering if I can stop at 1 or when I'll be able to moderate if those aren't options anymore.

I have a friend who was on a lot more than just alcohol and has been clean and sober for 14 years now. It's just not an option for her and I am so amazed by her. She still goes to NA to keep her commitment and to give back and help others because there were people there to help her all those years ago.

Yes, I've been thinking about this for a while now, especially since joining here. What triggers the "voice?"

I know, I wish it would go away too, but it probably won't... we just have to learn to ignore it.

I heard the "voice" this morning after only two days... gee whiz (not long, I know)!

But it frightens me when I read stories like yours wherein the "voice" is still there. We're constantly under siege, seemingly... trying to steadily draw us back. The people in AA talke about it too (long AFers).

I so agree with you... more and more I am reading that people here are going AF and forgetting the moderation bit... AA is totally against it.

"Giving back"... that too is a lesson of AA. I had forgotten about it, actually. Thanks for the reminder. Now I know why long-term AFers are still here. It helps to keep them sober too... by giving back.

[Heavenly]

For long-term AFers...

Shikakai;297293 wrote: Over the last couple of days I've read posts by people who have been sober 30 days, 60 days and maybe 82 days and then they "fell".

What happens at day 82 that tells an AFer that they can moderate? For me it's always been a "little voice" in the back of my brain telling me I can handle that one drink. Do you all hear a "voice" too telling you the same thing?

What makes you think you are cured? I'm trying to understand what triggers any of us into thinking we can handle ONE drink, especially if you're AF for such a long period of time?

I've heard that "voice" repeatedly and the results have always been the same... one drinks turns into too many. My love of alcohol plus continuous bad habits keep me drinking, and I know that. What makes you all continue to drink and/or crave the liquid?

I can't remember who said that Satan is the biggest deceiver the world has ever known, but unless Satan is synonymous with alcohol, I will have to respectfully disagree.

For me, alcohol has been the biggest deceiver MY WORLD has ever known...

Good luck to the people who have fallen recently. I hope you can try again and be successful. My struggle continues. I didn't drink yesterday, and was in a foul mood all 24 hours.

Only yesterday a bottle of Whisky was calling me to have a ''little drink of it'''....and I don't even drink whisky (well I don't drink anything now !) and I am 335 days af (except New Year - 1 glass champers).
I sooo wanted to take a swig straight from the bottle - in the middle of a party too !

CURED ? is there such a thing ?

[Shikakai]

For long-term AFers...

5thaday;297402 wrote: Hi Shik,

For me, the classic bullshit excuse I've used for resuming drinking goes as follows. To flesh this out, I'll use an example from my last major AF run of 26 days. I was feeling much healthier, both physically and mentally. I had just been hired at a great new job, so upon walking home from my new office, I said to myself; "You've certainly drank too much in the past. You feel so healthy now, don't start drinking like you did before . . . BUT . . . this time you can be more careful".

Within 2 weeks, I was basically back to my previous levels of drinking. I think that the goal of addictive thinking is structured around convincing us to take that first drink, because once that happens, it's game over. Despite our resolve to quit drinking, we have to realize that ANY internal suggestion that we should put alcohol to our lips is a delusion, at least once we've been consuming the quantities of alcohol both you and I have been consuming in our lifetimes. Just think, after 26 or even 82 days, is it really plausible to assume that we have successfully been cured of an addiction/habit that has consumed most of us for well over a decade?

Omigod! And that's all it takes, 5th... any form of "congratulations" or anything... you're down for the COUNT! Easter dinner; hanging out with friends; friends who drink. "Oh, I can have a LITTLE one or JUST one..."! DECEPTION/DELUSION!

I called myself celebrating my new job (pre-accident). Not that I was 'moderating', but I thought because I was so happy to have this new job, I could handle a little "celebration"... well... you know what happened (the accident). The depression came back and with the alcohol... it was over. And then afterwards, I was AF for 15 days straight... that "voice" soon came back... I've been drinking ever since until this past Saturday.

A delusion is RIGHT! Even my mother, who isn't an alcoholic, has told me that alchi is a GREAT DECEIVER! I couldn't agree more!

You got that right! 26 days; 50 days; 120... the list goes on. We will NEVER be cured! Some of the people in AA have been sober for 10-20 years, but they still hear the "voice." They block it! And they continue going to the meetings... it's imperative, seemingly.

As you said, dear, we have drank TOO LONG to ever go back to... "I'll just have ONE!" We might as well buy the damn bar!

[Shikakai]

For long-term AFers...

livingfree;297393 wrote: What a great thread Shikakai
You are starting to sound like "you've made up your mind". The song that I have quoted below from the Soundtrack "once" is the song that made the imprint in my brain. Go to i tunes and download it if you have a MP3 player. I know it's suppose to be about a "breakup" between two lovers, but "breaking up" with Alcohol was a "break up" of sorts for me. If you can't get the song - let me know and I'll see if I can get you the lyrics

I found this thread interesting - I am 84 days AF today - so maybe this is my caution sign. I'll take extra care. I KNOW I can not stop at 1 -2 -3. So I am in the group of NONE.

Kate - Words of wisdom. I'm printing and pasting into my favorites! Your name is in there a lot!

Zen - I think "popular opinion" is that most of the people on here can not moderate. It's just that so many of the people on here are drinking more than moderating it is a scary place to say it! I have only seen a handful of people on these threads that I think are successfully moderating - by that I mean - they drink alcohol like they would "eat butter" as RJ says!

Angel - I love your N.O.P.E. - as an X smoker!! How about N.O.S.E. for Not One Sip Ever!

Hippie - 82 days - Awesome - we are heading into the 90's at the same time. I don't know about you but I am really excited!

My Heart In Wine - You my dear may be one of the true Modders! Lucky Lucky you! I've often wondered if I would have stopped earlier if I could have been?! But to late now!

Bear - I cut and pasted this post awhile back. It is in my journal. You give me so much hope. The words:

"Surrender
Become a New Person
Drinking is not an option
& nothing is more important than this (for without it all else fails)" quote by bear
are on the COVER of my journal! I cut and pasted after I read this you wrote on the AB threads. You are amazing to me. I know it has not been easy - but nothing is sweeter than seeing the top of the mountain through the sweat of the effort it took to get there. Those who get dropped off by helicopter don't see the same view!!

Rip - I know you will change your mind before you start drinking again - and if you don't we all want to be standing near in case you have an allergic reaction and need to be rushed into intensive care!

I am learning so much from you all - Thank you

Liv

Yes, even with HELL looming over me, I don't need this anymore... I'm TIRED! :upset:

The desire to drink (knowing how much I love it) is the equivalent of a love affair... "you're a hard habit to break..." anyone remember that song? Damn!

If only we could get rid of that "voice"!

Congratulations on 84 days! I was watching an episode of Judge Hatchett not too long ago and one of the litigants said he had been sober for 120 days... I almost cried! I'm almost crying now... what a victory! I saw this during my 15 days of AF...

Yes! Let's toast to NONE! Again, congrats! You stay on it! You and Hip should be excited! To God be the glory!

[Shikakai]

For long-term AFers...

Heavenly;297440 wrote: Only yesterday a bottle of Whisky was calling me to have a ''little drink of it'''....and I don't even drink whisky (well I don't drink anything now !) and I am 335 days af (except New Year - 1 glass champers).
I sooo wanted to take a swig straight from the bottle - in the middle of a party too !

CURED ? is there such a thing ?

Almost a year! That's amazing... you SHOULD be very proud of yourself, as well as those who are 5 days; 30 days... any day as an AFer is an ACHIEVEMENT!

No, there is no cure... how would you feel 335 days AF and then get blasted? I don't know... that would have to hurt which is what precipitated this thread.

How do you handle it? What triggered it? What were the signs? Was it an event? WHAT?

[Shikakai]

For long-term AFers...

Ripple;297370 wrote: Shikakai~my goal is one year AF. 30 days the brain is said to be reset? Its no different than an aggressive savings plan, you don't touch it until matured? Save it for a rainy day type of idea? I plan to try drink again. Its all a matter of decision and self-discipline, we all know that, but are we all STRONG enough to follow a plan? Yup, I will know if i have organic brain disease when i pick that drink up and probably i do. Its a risk i plan to take posting this today, but i could change my mind by then. :thanks::catroll:

Good luck, Rip... you are very BRAVE! :H

I swear, if I can get past day 5 or 6... *please God* :h

I'm not going back... the flesh is weak, thus saith the Lord... (I'm not a Christian but was raised as one and believe some of the scriptures).