OK, So it has been a while, and I wish I could say I have been a good girl. But No, I mean.... I am better. I did quit wine, replaced it with beer. Anyway I am not getting shit faced every night, but I sure do have a need to drink every night.... 2 to 4 beers, oh but its wheat beer so thats OK... right?? One thing I have definitely gotten good at is rationalizing. I am the queen of that.
I know I am better than this, I know I will quit, someday...I want it today, but I don't. I know many of you can relate with this inner tug-a-war, it is the strangest thing. I feel sometimes I haven't hit rock bottom. Coming from a family of addicts who have overcome their addictions after hitting rock bottom. I have learned to moderate, just enough to still be a problem but not enough.... evidently, to make me really want to do something about it. I don't mean to come off like I have a problem and it is unfixable, it obviously is.... just not enough will power.
I have been a member for a while here. I mostly just read the posts, I have read the book, taken the supplements, listened to the Cd's, I have been slightly successfully, 3 days AF. So not quite good enough. I actually dream of a life without booze, sometimes the dream is a nightmare...a lot of how boring it will be, and what a change.... I mean what will I do...go to bed? Sometimes it is a great dream, one of clear mind, healthy soul, a good example to my children...etc. etc .
I want it, but I am not feeling greatly motivated....weak is the word. Can somebody smack me...please? Well, I will continue to read and focus on becoming motivated, and since the web site made notice of my lack of participation(notice my titile) I will try to be more involved. Maybe that will help.
I know I am better than this, I know I will quit, someday...I want it today, but I don't. I know many of you can relate with this inner tug-a-war, it is the strangest thing. I feel sometimes I haven't hit rock bottom. Coming from a family of addicts who have overcome their addictions after hitting rock bottom. I have learned to moderate, just enough to still be a problem but not enough.... evidently, to make me really want to do something about it. I don't mean to come off like I have a problem and it is unfixable, it obviously is.... just not enough will power.
I have been a member for a while here. I mostly just read the posts, I have read the book, taken the supplements, listened to the Cd's, I have been slightly successfully, 3 days AF. So not quite good enough. I actually dream of a life without booze, sometimes the dream is a nightmare...a lot of how boring it will be, and what a change.... I mean what will I do...go to bed? Sometimes it is a great dream, one of clear mind, healthy soul, a good example to my children...etc. etc .
I want it, but I am not feeling greatly motivated....weak is the word. Can somebody smack me...please? Well, I will continue to read and focus on becoming motivated, and since the web site made notice of my lack of participation(notice my titile) I will try to be more involved. Maybe that will help.
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