Hi guys, I just wondered about your thoughts and experiences with AA as I am confused..
I have been attending meetings regularly, albeit 3rd time around, since 1st January and believe, along with mwo it has been a crucial part of my recovery (I took my last drink on January 3rd). I am, however feeling under increasing pressure to actively participate in the "programme" ie the 12 steps and traditions. I am supposed to meet up with my intended "sponsor" tomorrow night, but I don't know whether it is the right thing for me to do. I am not religious, was not brought up in a religious family and am overwhelmed by everyone saying that in order for me to recover completely, I must have a sponsor and I must do the "programme". I am really struggling with all this "handing over" and getting down on my hands and knees to pray that I will be kept on the right path and steered away from temptation: :no: My understanding is, that I am responsible for my actions and it is up to me to deal with the consequences of them. I have benefited immensely from the meetings but am getting fed up of all the negativity regarding "just attending" and not following the programme. Apparently I will just remain a "dry drunk" if I don't commit to the steps. I was told that at the moment "pride" is keeping me from picking up a drink.. the fact I will lose my "count".. was told that "pride" will keep me sober for a little while but not forever... I HAVE to get on the programme. It also concerns me that whichever meeting I go to, and there are many in my area, I see the same people, hear the same stories... Is being at an AA meeting every night of the week (some attend the daytime ones as well) a mentally healthy alternative ?? Is that "living"? I know they/we are not drinking which is great, but is that the way to integrate and deal with the daily life we have hidden away from for long enough in our battle with the bottle ?
I am not disagreeing with the principles of AA, I cannot criticize something that has helped so many people. I just want some hope that I can still get better if i just go, listen, absorb and leave, or am I setting my self up to fail. Should I get together with my sponsor and start following the programme even if I don't agree that that my insane actions , paranoia and lack of control can be removed from me, if I merely "hand over" to my higher power as I understand him.. . or her...or whatever
I have been attending meetings regularly, albeit 3rd time around, since 1st January and believe, along with mwo it has been a crucial part of my recovery (I took my last drink on January 3rd). I am, however feeling under increasing pressure to actively participate in the "programme" ie the 12 steps and traditions. I am supposed to meet up with my intended "sponsor" tomorrow night, but I don't know whether it is the right thing for me to do. I am not religious, was not brought up in a religious family and am overwhelmed by everyone saying that in order for me to recover completely, I must have a sponsor and I must do the "programme". I am really struggling with all this "handing over" and getting down on my hands and knees to pray that I will be kept on the right path and steered away from temptation: :no: My understanding is, that I am responsible for my actions and it is up to me to deal with the consequences of them. I have benefited immensely from the meetings but am getting fed up of all the negativity regarding "just attending" and not following the programme. Apparently I will just remain a "dry drunk" if I don't commit to the steps. I was told that at the moment "pride" is keeping me from picking up a drink.. the fact I will lose my "count".. was told that "pride" will keep me sober for a little while but not forever... I HAVE to get on the programme. It also concerns me that whichever meeting I go to, and there are many in my area, I see the same people, hear the same stories... Is being at an AA meeting every night of the week (some attend the daytime ones as well) a mentally healthy alternative ?? Is that "living"? I know they/we are not drinking which is great, but is that the way to integrate and deal with the daily life we have hidden away from for long enough in our battle with the bottle ?
I am not disagreeing with the principles of AA, I cannot criticize something that has helped so many people. I just want some hope that I can still get better if i just go, listen, absorb and leave, or am I setting my self up to fail. Should I get together with my sponsor and start following the programme even if I don't agree that that my insane actions , paranoia and lack of control can be removed from me, if I merely "hand over" to my higher power as I understand him.. . or her...or whatever
Comment