Hiding a drinking problem

[trixietrack]

So I have noticed a lot on this Web site that many people hide the amount of liquor they consumed or are consuming from friends, family, co-workers etc.

I am very curious about how this phenomena happens. I mean is it just because it's people who come here to post?

The internet has become somewhat of a place where people who normally can't express secrets or desires can, due to how easy it is to not have to show your true self.

Is this site mostly people who are hiding their drinking problems from the real world?

Most of the drinkers I happen or happened to socialize with were pretty open about their heavy drinking.

why do people do it? is it more harmful to just be all out and not care what people think?

I am just very curious.

[barebones]

Hiding a drinking problem

well for me it came about because of my husband and daughter noticing and that. they wasnt happy with the amount and frequency i was doing it and ofcause the personality changes. before i didnt give a toss what people thought and i didnt have to hide it.

i came a recluse with my drinking i would mostly do it at home, also i started to hide the amount of drink i drank. how i did that i would start earlier in the day and then would buy more to make up what was suppose to be left. near the end of my drinking i would top up bottles to hide that i was drinking. it was easier hiding than getting the agro or let people know how much i was drinking.

well thats my account

[Sunbeam]

Hiding a drinking problem

My excessive drinking was always at home alone. I think there are all kinds of drinkers here, including those who drank heavily in the open. They maybe won't be as likely to post on this topic of hiding drinking. If you want to connect with them, maybe you want to post the opposite topic, something like, "Heavy drinking in public". I think it is a different kind of person with the same problem of excess alcohol.

[Guest]

Hiding a drinking problem

In my experience meeting other drinkers with a problem whether it be at AA, local support group or in treatment the majority hide their drink(ing) in one form or another. Many "heavy" drinkers will have a drink before they leave home and/or when they get back after socialising.

Me, I thought living on my own for most of the time without a partner that I was SOOOO honest about my drinking and had no-one to hide it from. Then I remembered downing bottles of wine before going out at weekends, storing bottles in my wardrobe when staying in lodgings (lest my landlord find them or worse even drink them). Throwing an empty bottle of vodka in the bin before my boyfriend got home - then replacing the bottle I took from his drinks cupboard.

More recently creeping down the stairs from my flat with bags of bottle or cans, one bag at a time trying so carefully to stop the clanking and tin noises making sure I did it during the day when most of my neighbours would be out working.

We all hide our drinking in one way or another - just most are in denial or don't recognise it as such.

[Gumby]

Hiding a drinking problem

For ME it is embarrassing, to have to admit you have a weakness, also once you tell someone, they may think it is as simple as ...well just quit. It is not that easy, as we all know. We wouldn't be here if it was. You begin to feel like they do not understand and you look for someone to talk about it to who does understand. So for me to say, hey I drink to much to my family , I set myself up for scrutiny, and potential criticism. I criticize myself enough, at this point I don't need my family to keep track of it. They probably already are, but if they are not saying anything to me about it, I can continue with my denial. This is where I stand with it. Not a good approach, but my honest feeling on it.

We all know the first step is admitting you have a problem, now you have to let others know. This is the part that scares me, it is the part that may make me have to commit to not drinking. That is a loss of your pal al. This is all coming from the mind of someone who is still battling with the I have a problem. I am clearly still in denial. But working on it. I hope someday I can turn to my family and say I quit drinking, and mean it. I don't want to commit to it and leave them disappointed, if I fail. This is why I choose to keep it private, but know that I am a fool to think they don't see it. They have just been kind enough to spare me the criticism.

[disapprovingcat]

Hiding a drinking problem

interesting topic

and I'm not sure what to say about it other than I did conceal how much I drank at home - not from my spouse really, it was just the quantity of the empties that embarrassed me.. I knew it was too much, but it wasn't *only* my empties, but on the other hand it wasn't like we were hosting mad parties every week either. I hardly had the occasion to drink in public. We rarely eat out, most of my friends had moved away. I was an at home drinker.

I am ashamed that I did drunk internet surfing more than once - especially when my husband was away and I drank later than usual. God I wish I could take those entries back!

Funny that there is a little pub close to my house - stumbling distance I used to say - that I have been to perhaps once or twice a year. Every single time I went, either with a friend or my husband these certain people would be there - the public drunks! They had to be, since they were clearly at this pub every night (or nearly so) How I used to look down on them! When I was the same - minus the socializing.

[bald headed old guy]

Hiding a drinking problem

TT,
I don't think I tried to hide how much I drank, as wife ususally knew when I went to the package store and how much I brought home, and how much there was in the AM. she also knew how much I drank when we went to dinner...the difference was she did not truely understand that I was suffering badly from the effects, and that it was an addiction that was consuming me from the inside. Shee could see the changes in my facial expression, my speach, and my attitude..but she did not know how bad it was internally.
I never drank on the job, never drank before work or at lunch, so that was not a problem.
So, I can't speak for others...hiding it was not my issue.
My 2 cents worth.
BHOG

[elsie17]

Hiding a drinking problem

I think I started hiding my drinking from my kids at first. On my days off when I would be home before they got home from school, I would drink my wine from a mug and keep it on top of the fridge. They were having lessons at school about 'The dangers of drink and drugs' and I didn't want them to feel different or ashamed of me. But when my drink problem became evident to all the family, mainly from late night abuse down the phone, I started hiding it from everyone,having secret bottles stashed away,I'd top up when I went to the toilet e.t.c. I think what I was scared of was if people knew how much I was drinking, I'd be forced into an ultimatum. Them or AL?

[Laurav]

Hiding a drinking problem

I hid it because my husband disapproved of my over consumption and I did not want to set a bad example in front of my children. He knew I drank, just not how much. Occasionally I drank too much as it was obvious but most of the time I could drink just enough to maintain. I took bad breath capsules so that my breath would not smell and hid my bottles in the regular trash. I even felt guilty about not recycling but did not want to get caught..
I was embarrassed and ashamed and felt guilty.
I am so glad that it is over.

[trixietrack]

Hiding a drinking problem

very interesting
sunbeam I agree with you, yes I guess I should have titled this thread public drunkeness versus secret drunkeness .

I think that people who drink heavily in groups or at pubs etc. take longer to admit that there is a problem.

the shame aspect doesn't seem as obvious. If you are alone and hiding. you already are aware that it is not OK.

If you are out every night with your buddies "having a good time" every one is sort of supporting each other into thinking that it's OK to be drunk.

[Noelle]

Hiding a drinking problem

I would only hide stuff when I was drinking vodka. And my daughter would generally find it, if she wanted to. I thought I hid stuff pretty well too. When I started drinking the box wine, I couldn't really hide that. I put that in the laundry room which is off the kitchen. My husband was VERY clueless about my drinking unless I couldn't talk. My daughter noticed right away.

Everyone knew I drank. There towards the end, I sorta gave up and just didn't care at all who knew or what they thought about it.

OMG, it was awful. Especially with my daughter knowing and me not really caring.......or so I thought.

[poohbear]

Hiding a drinking problem

I had to start hiding my drinking when my husband refused to take me out to the bar anymore. We used to go to a local hang out quite frequently usually every friday night. This was something I would look forward to every week. This was my reward for working hard all week. I would save up all my drinking for friday night. Well my husband finally got tired of it, he said he was tired of babysitting me and well we just stopped going. I can't say that I blame him. My husband is the kind of person that can have one, maybe two and switch to soda and he is good. So then I started isolating and drinking at home. That is when I really started to 'try' and hide my drinking. I would pick the nights I knew he would be gone and those would be my free drinking nights. I planned them, knowing how much time I had from the moment he walked out the door to when he would come home. I of course thought he would be no wiser when he got home, I thought I could fool him into not knowing I had been drinking. Well this only lasted so long until it got the best of me. My drinking only escalated with time. The longer it went on the more I drank. My hiding spots by the way were always my bedroom for some odd reason. Like I thought nobody was going to look there. I think I hid first because I didn't want anyone to bother me in the middle of my addiction and second because of shame. Anyway that's some of my story - hope it helps.

Hugs,

Pbear

[trixietrack]

Hiding a drinking problem

Guess when one either doesn"t care what people think, or is hiding the consumtion, it is still an issue.

I have had to let go of some friends because they always caused problems when they were out at bars or parties, and forgot about it the next day.

I live alone and had work very hard at not drinking alone.

You know? I would be such a wretched wreck.

Right now, -
I drink socially, but sometimes with heavy drinkers.
It is fun, but extremely draining

TRix

[spottydingo]

Hiding a drinking problem

hi trix, nice thread. i don't hide mine for my husband but i do for family and friends (the friends i have now). in fact we're having friends from SF over tomorrow night to see our house and then go out to dinner. we decided to "have some on hand" in case they wanted a bevie before we went out, because it would be too wierd not to offer. so, i went to the liquor store today and yep, bought a big bottle o' white for tonight. gonna TRY to mod ... after all, lots of cleaning to do still ...

in my 20s in NY everyone i knew was open about the amount they drank, and pretty much everyone had their bad nights, myself included. it always ended up in all night parties and i'm surprised i kept my job as i'm sure the days i went in to work after drinking i reeked of booze. i actually broke up with the guy i moved to NY for after 8 years because he was so much an alkie i became his mother not his lover. even after we broke up i'd take him home with me so he didn't pass out somewhere on the way home -- which he did on numerous occasions. one time he passed out in chelsea and his trombone was stolen ... big surprise.

the worst was in those days i didn't try to buy at different places -- i had male owners of 3 differnt corner stores (2 in brooklyn, one in sf) tell me "lady, you drink too much". no one ever cut me off, but ...

my husband's dad and his dad's sister were both full-blown alcoholics, so his family doesnt have too much on hand. Plus, his brother is a total christian freak (no offense to anyone) who doesn't even believe in evolution so they NEVER have AL at their gatherings (where I need it most, LOL)

my family is pure WASP so of course everyone drinks (family tradition includes bloody marys on xmas day for opening gifts in the am) but even my and my husband's drinking (and my only sister and HER husband's) has started to cause enough criticism for my parents that we really watch it.

not sure, is it that we hide it because we don't want the criticism? thats what i think.

cheers.

[amashed]

Hiding a drinking problem

Well I started being a public drinker, always in the bar and always trying to be in the middle of it, but that gradually changed to being a private drinker when the parties and people died out. This too seemed OK for a while, well until the morning beers to ?clear my head? or some other ridiculous excuse was used. There was a time when I?d smuggle a bottle of wine home and then drop it off (in my inside coat pocket in a street bin on the way to work).

When I was waiting for the girlfriend to get in the shower in the mornings (shower on ? open beer ? she couldn?t hear the ?pop?) and then necking that followed by waiting for the hairdryer (same again, noise to cover the opening can).

Then things got a bit silly. Pouring vodka into diet coke cans (the cola went down the sink) or packing alcohol for holidays (what was I thinking???) ? it was almost on the list ? socks, pants, vodka?and you know what? I don?t think I fooled anyone apart from myself.