Once a drunk, always a drunk apparently

[TiredofHiding]

Feeling like I've been punched in the stomach this morning. Pissed off, hurt, sad, disappointed. Sorry for writing a book.

My husband and I went away last weekend for a night in the mountains. We hadn't done that in a couple of years sadly and we had a babysitter lined up so we went and had a great weekend - nice resort, great food, beautiful hiking weather, romance. I had been "good" on my diet and with Al for 3 months and decided to give myself a break - I had bread for the first time in 3 months and potatoes and alcohol - champagne and wine. It was nice but by Sunday I was feeling pretty stuffed and ready to get back to my healthier lifestyle.

I came home and lined up the supplements and dug in on Monday - heal those brain chemicals again, get the carbs and sugar back out of my system. I admit those sips and flavors made me start craving it all again - I've fought the urge to have that chocolate ice cream I've dished up for husband and daughter, I've fought the urge to go buy a bottle of wine. It's been a tough few days - how quickly your body and brain remember the things they want. But I haven't caved.

Plus, (sorry guys) I'm PMSing so I have more cravings that usual.

Last night I came home from a busy day at work and taking my daughter to soccer practice and was hungry. She is always starving after soccer too. I expected, since I had mentioned what we were having for dinner, that it would be started. Nothing. I admit I was pissy and grumpy. I own my own company so I have the stress of it all being on my shoulders, I volunteer with my daughter's activities, coordinate those I don't volunteer for, make sure the house is taken care of (need to mow, time to trim, gotta call the exterminator, need to put drano in the drains, gotta clean, need to call for a repair or get a bid on this fix up), pay all the bills and do all the personal paperwork plus all of the bookkeeping for my business, I volunteer at church and coordinate any social activities we do as a family with others. I am TIRED. Business was slow earlier this year which worried me and now its picking up which means I have more to do. So last night when I came in - no dinner, crap all over the counter, dog puke hadn't been cleaned up, dishwasher hadn't been emptied. I just had had it. I gave the ol' silent treatment cuz I was too pissed to talk.

I thawed a little later but I was exercising and reading later and DH comes in with that damning look on his face and says "What's going on?" "I'm exercising and reading." And he walks away. Later turns over to go to sleep without saying goodnight. I figured he was avoiding the argument because he knew he was a schmuck.

This morning I get up and am doing all of my stuff and cleaning up the kitchen and checking work email and packing lunches. I sent an email to explain why I was so pissed last night... and then I see the grocery list on the counter (again - my job the grocery shopping). He has written "get more campral" on it.

I felt like I had been slapped and punched. Of course I was grumpy and moody last night because I had been drinking. He naturally assumes. After three months of fighting hard and struggling and being honest about my feelings and struggles, he never once looks at what he could do better or how he could support me or asks how he can help. It is ME - a drunk of course.

I admit years of "I'm going to beat this" and failing again. But I have just gone through three months of working extremely hard to lose 35 pounds and beat Al. I admit struggling after I tried the mods thing. But I got absolutely no credit for that. It was like that never happened and he has no confidence in me at all.

I had a bad day with cravings yesterday. I went to the grocery store to get sparkling water, which I've been drinking a lot of because its got fizz and the water is good for me. I paced in the aisle next to the alcohol and had one of those conversations with myself "just a demi bottle of wine. No, you are cleaning your body after the weekend and want to get back on track with weight loss. Just one little drink - its been a stressful day. No, remember how groggy and yucky you felt on Sunday - remember the feeling of success." I won that fight and left with just water.

I walked around the soccer field and had another conversation "just swing by and get a couple of minis and a diet coke. no - go walking and enjoy the fresh air. moderating is ok and one or two is fine. no, you know you'll crave more later if you start." I won that fight and walked and headed home with my daughter.

I am so hurt. And mad. And disappointed. PMS and the stress of two new clients I'm bidding on doesn't help. I feel like a rug - "great to have fun with you this weekend, great having tipsy sex and hiking. Thanks for taking care of my life for me. . .. oh - you're still a drunk."

Will those in our lives who know the lowest times ever fully forgive us? My husband has never been a great communicator or very expressive - I've learned to live with it and get 95% of my emotional support from my sister and friends. But I expected more than that.

Sorry for babbling. I am so sad and empty this morning . .. don't feel like drinking though and that's a good thing.

[tea]

Once a drunk, always a drunk apparently

ull:mad-door::huggy:hug:


Ranting is gooooood for youuuuu.

Lx

[Accountable for Me]

Once a drunk, always a drunk apparently

Don't let this deter your amazing progress thus far. and.... yes, venting is so good for the soul! Keep on, keeping on!!

[trixietrack]

Once a drunk, always a drunk apparently

why do you have to do everything? is dh handicapped? I can totally understand why you are bugging out.

good luck

TR

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Once a drunk, always a drunk apparently

Oh Tired,

I am sorry that your are sad... Why don't you copy and paste your message into an email, and send it to your hubby... or, print it out and put it by the bed. He should hear it.

Communication has to be two ways, dear. I'm guilty of the exact same thing that you described... you mention what's for dinner, you assume that your daughter will pick up your "clue" and start it. Oh, I am so guilty of this... but we both have to state what we mean. Whether it's in a phone call in the afternoon, or it's a note left in the kitchen... we have to be better at stating,

"DO THIS for the family, please... love you, Mom :heart:"...

If your husband hasn't ever been a great communicator, I don't think that will change overnight... my husband is the same way. He's not comfortable expressing his feelings. That does NOT mean he doesn't have deep feelings, Tired.... he just doesn't say them verbally.

You know he loves you... and you love him, or you wouldn't be this hurt. You've taken great strides to heal your brain, and you've been happier for it, right?

Deep breath... cry out the tension.... and here's a big hug. :l Apologize to your daughter this afternoon, and make up with hubby tonight. We set the "mood" in the family, and when you are crabby, or happy, it rubs off on everyone else, you know? :heart:

Much love,

[Ripple]

Once a drunk, always a drunk apparently

out of routine is the issue. its hard to get back on track. thats why its not worth trying to please a fussy man. they don't take ownership of their defects so we as women have to pay:fingers: you can get back on to where you were! its okay..you get another chance. :dontworry:

[Thankful]

Once a drunk, always a drunk apparently

Tired ~ I so feel for you honey. I get it. I don't have a hubby, but I have a family that just sucks the life right out of me. I too resent when we have a problem it just has to be alcohol or PMS. Heaven friggin forbid someone else be resonsibale for their actions of pissing us off in the first place.

I agree with Not Happy, but I was going to suggest that you print out your post and staple right to the grocery list, directly under buy more campral.

You really need to take some time for you, hun. Your gonna just have too. And please stay away from alcohol. You know it's not going to help.

Sending you lots of :soothe: today.

Love, Me
:l

[bald headed old guy]

Once a drunk, always a drunk apparently

Tired,
WOW did you say 90 Days! Wonderful! CONGRATULATIONS

I agree with NHH-HL in what she said. I can really relate to what you have put down..we had our daughter, her two children, and our son all move back home about 2 1/2 years ago. It was quite an issue for a while as we tried to get them to understand they HAD to participate in ALL of the household work. I had to leave very detailed written instructions for them! I posted them on the fridge door..so they could see them as they reached for food!

I hope that you are able to talk with your hubby soon and discuss perhaps how much you have achieved and how much more you plan to do. Perhaps if you tell him, point-blank how hard you have struggled, and what your plan is going forward he would have a better understanding. Even though my wife is very supportive, she does not have a clue how much we struggle every day to overcome this addiction. After I finally figured this point out, I now make an effort to talk with her on a regualr basis about how I feel concerning ALice and how I feel I am progressing. It seems to have "broken the ice" so to speak and now she will bring it up on occiasion, which I feel is progress on her part.

Tired, I hope that you continue to do well with keeping the Beast in his cage, and also that you are able to get your family to participate in the daily routine of the house!

Stay Strong!
BHOG

[Palatia]

Once a drunk, always a drunk apparently

Hi Tired... and no wonder you're tired!!

AFter thinking about your post for a little bit, it seems to me you have a problem with saying .. NO!!

Some of your activities are just plain not necessary.. let someone else do some of the things you do who doesn't have a business to run and umpteem million other responsibilities....

Just say no... The whole world doesn't have to rest on your shoulders.. And... keep up the great work...

I'd tell that man what you need and not let him put so dam much on your shoulders... along with the rest of the world.. :P

[livingfree]

Once a drunk, always a drunk apparently

Tired - You have every reason under the sun to be tired of this. It's time to stop beating yourself up, and put your boundries out there. For DH, Kids, Job and all. You need to start taking care of YOU. All of the obligations in your life will be better for it in the long run.

Once you've tasted the success you have - NO ONE can take that away from you. Each day is new and fresh to live the way you want to. Be strong little one - it is going to get better. Just do not drink. I think that is key for you!

Love to your day
Liv

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Once a drunk, always a drunk apparently

Good point, Palatia.... or how about permanent delagation? What BHOG said about putting a list on the fridge sounds like a great idea...

Or, for example, the dishwasher... let your daughter know that from now on, the dishwasher is HERS... yes, loading,unloading, and starting it (with soap in it ), every day. I've recently done this with my 12 year old son, and he KNOWS that if he wants something- anything- the dishwasher must be done first.

To clarify: no, he's not left after dinner with the dishes to do alone. But when he gets home from school, he knows that it must be unloaded before dinner. After dinner, it's loaded (normally 2 or 3 of us are doing dishes), but at the end of the dinner dishes, it is his responsibility to make sure there is soap in it and it's turned on....

OK, how about new RULES for dinner? I have to admit that my husband makes a mean meatloaf, and oftentimes he makes dinner.
When he asks me, "What's for dinner", the first thing I say back is,
"I don't know, what are you making?"
If you don't leave a note with dinner directions on it, tell your daughter that SHE can choose something out of the freezer... this has backfired on me, because there have been times when I've wanted something in particular for dinner, only to find that my 17 year old had already prepared frozen chicken patties and french fries (ICK!)... and I just go with it. At least she pitched in, right?

One of my favorite lines is, "What have you done for the family?"

[LVT25]

Once a drunk, always a drunk apparently

I can totally relate also, Tired. Even though you may have just been venting, which helps, there is some good advice here. If you don't mind, I'm going to borrow some of it. I'm still looking for that magic pill that takes the PMS bitchies away, or should I say my hubby is looking. They don't seem to be able to understand that a little bit of help (without asking) goes a long way. Someone told me a long time ago, that you just can't EXPECT anything from anyone--it's not fair to them or us. The snide remark about the Campral, however was totally uncalled for. My hubby and I have never communicated well about negative feelings--we either ignore them until they go away or fight. I wish we could change that. Anyway, hope you're feeling better by now, and you should be commended for not giving in to AL through this.

[Noelle]

Once a drunk, always a drunk apparently

Oh Tired! I wish I was with you Sweetie and could give you a good hug. I so understand how you feel and you've brought tears to my eyes. And I don't do half of what you do. Maybe you are doing all these things trying to get the attention of someone....to get them to say, "Hey, you're great! You do so much for us." It's not going to happen though. My husband rarely says anything to me about doing ANYTHING good. Like you, I'm the drunk! He's never said I was doing good when I quit drinking before.

But this time.....I've asked him to help support me. And I've had to tell him this several times over the last few months too. "It hurts me when you don't tell me I'm doing a good job not drinking." He's finally getting it. I've spent 25 years training him and I may have broken through on this particular fault. Other than this, he's pretty well house-broken.

Can you try that? You never know, it might work!

Good luck....you're doing great! Ninety days is nothing to sneez at! That would be AF and dieting!! :h

[keke]

Once a drunk, always a drunk apparently

Tired, You are doing great. Are you on the topa?

[Bambi]

Once a drunk, always a drunk apparently

Dear Tired,

Vent away! I am so proud of you for getting right back on the horse! You could of caved so easily but YOU didn't!

I for one would have caved and have. I for some reason need to hear and feel the pats on the back, the high fives for a great week or even just a hard day that I got through.....but with a busy hubby and two teens that doesn't happen, thus I cave.

You have so much on your plate Honey, time to start delegating and putting your foot down! They need and will take notice. You can't do it all or you will crack.....we are in this for ourselves first, family second!

My hat is off to you! You are doing a great job, keep it up!
((High five and pat on the back))
Hugs,
Bambi