Once a drunk, always a drunk apparently
Thank you all
I had a meeting this morning and it was really hard to put on a perky face and convince these clients I really cared this morning . . . but I knew when I got back to my computer I would find the support I need on this board.
DH called my cell phone during my meeting (must have gotten my bitchy email) and then called again just a minute ago. He apologized for "mis-reading the signs" last night and still thinks I was drinking. I can tell in his voice he doesn't believe me which REALLY hurts.
Thank you for all the advice - some of those things I know. I am a type-A overachiever. I have a hard time saying no and am that person on a committee that gets asked to do something because it gets done ("need something done - ask a busy person"). A year or so ago I really scaled back stuff . . . but then I see a need and can't say no. I am passionate about children's issues, about education, about my daughter so I hate to not do something when I know I can make a difference. Unfortunately, I am up to my ears again and although the diet and Al are back on track after a weekend of fun, the exercise and relaxation aren't. And my business is going into the busy season.
The husband - I don't know. He is supportive of my efforts and has put up with a lot over the last several years. He was a great cheerleader through the first few weeks and obviously enjoys seeing a waist-line on me again. But I don't think anyone who hasn't been here knows that the struggle doesn't end. Every freakin day is the choice to drink or not, to over eat or not. I don't want to dwell and tell him every time I have a craving, but maybe I should. Maybe he'd realize it isn't easy - - I have to fight Al for the rest of my life and will likely be on this strict diet for the rest of the year to get the rest of the weight off and then always have to watch it because I'm not a stringbean who can eat meatloaf and mashed potatoes and two servings of everything and a beer and not gain an ounce.
ARgh - I really am venting today aren't I?
I struggle with the balance of work in the house - I am a neat-freak (slightly reformed since daughter was born) and am better at the computer. My daughter has slowly taken more responsibilities but I should give her more (she's 8) as she gets older. At least putting away shoes and projects that litter our rec room. DH - he is in charge of emptying the dishwasher and laundry, both of which only happen 1-3 times a week. It's a seeing issue - I see that the mail needs to be put away and the newspaper is still on the table and the weeds are getting tall and the bugs are starting to come out and there are bills to be paid and we are low on food. No one else seems to see it.
ok, I feel like I've been on enough of a pity party. I have work to do on myself I know.
Thank you all for all of your support and understanding what it is like to face a secret demon - sometimes at the oddest times of the day - while trying to juggle the rest of everything. Boy life would be easy if I had the brain and skills and energy I do WITHOUT the cravings and guilt and thoughts of AL and food! I'd really be something then!
sigh. hug. pick it up and keep going.
Thank you all
I had a meeting this morning and it was really hard to put on a perky face and convince these clients I really cared this morning . . . but I knew when I got back to my computer I would find the support I need on this board.
DH called my cell phone during my meeting (must have gotten my bitchy email) and then called again just a minute ago. He apologized for "mis-reading the signs" last night and still thinks I was drinking. I can tell in his voice he doesn't believe me which REALLY hurts.
Thank you for all the advice - some of those things I know. I am a type-A overachiever. I have a hard time saying no and am that person on a committee that gets asked to do something because it gets done ("need something done - ask a busy person"). A year or so ago I really scaled back stuff . . . but then I see a need and can't say no. I am passionate about children's issues, about education, about my daughter so I hate to not do something when I know I can make a difference. Unfortunately, I am up to my ears again and although the diet and Al are back on track after a weekend of fun, the exercise and relaxation aren't. And my business is going into the busy season.
The husband - I don't know. He is supportive of my efforts and has put up with a lot over the last several years. He was a great cheerleader through the first few weeks and obviously enjoys seeing a waist-line on me again. But I don't think anyone who hasn't been here knows that the struggle doesn't end. Every freakin day is the choice to drink or not, to over eat or not. I don't want to dwell and tell him every time I have a craving, but maybe I should. Maybe he'd realize it isn't easy - - I have to fight Al for the rest of my life and will likely be on this strict diet for the rest of the year to get the rest of the weight off and then always have to watch it because I'm not a stringbean who can eat meatloaf and mashed potatoes and two servings of everything and a beer and not gain an ounce.
ARgh - I really am venting today aren't I?
I struggle with the balance of work in the house - I am a neat-freak (slightly reformed since daughter was born) and am better at the computer. My daughter has slowly taken more responsibilities but I should give her more (she's 8) as she gets older. At least putting away shoes and projects that litter our rec room. DH - he is in charge of emptying the dishwasher and laundry, both of which only happen 1-3 times a week. It's a seeing issue - I see that the mail needs to be put away and the newspaper is still on the table and the weeds are getting tall and the bugs are starting to come out and there are bills to be paid and we are low on food. No one else seems to see it.
ok, I feel like I've been on enough of a pity party. I have work to do on myself I know.
Thank you all for all of your support and understanding what it is like to face a secret demon - sometimes at the oddest times of the day - while trying to juggle the rest of everything. Boy life would be easy if I had the brain and skills and energy I do WITHOUT the cravings and guilt and thoughts of AL and food! I'd really be something then!
sigh. hug. pick it up and keep going.
LOL
zwink:
c: :heart:
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