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**dexterhead** · April 3, 2008, 03:24 PM

I messed up again

Reenie, I am so sorry, am not in much position to give advice but just want to give you a hug:l:l. Believe me, I know about being out of work. It is wretchedly, wretchedly demoralizing. Hang in there sweetie ..:h:

**memarcie** · April 3, 2008, 03:26 PM

I messed up again

(((Reenie)))

That sucks you relapsed. Don't discount the 7months(almost 8) you were AF, that is a great accomplishment! You will do it again!

I'm sure being so sick today reminded you of why NOT to drink.

:l

**Accountable for Me** · April 3, 2008, 03:31 PM

I messed up again

Oh, Reenie. Stop beating yourself up. You can't change what happened, but you can change what can happen from now on.

I hate disappointing my father.... I think it is the worse thing in the world for me. I am sure many of us daughter's feel much the same. BUT, things blow over in time.

As for your hubby.... well, I am sure he isn't 'perfect' either. Simply remind him that you are human, and human's make wrong choices in life sometimes. He MUST know how well you have been doing, and MUST know that you are determined to fight this thing all the way.

:l:h:l

**Thankful** · April 3, 2008, 03:37 PM

I messed up again

Reenie, my heart just aches so much for you now. I just want to hug you right now. I've told you before that posts from you and Bear turned my life around when I first joined. And I feel like an idiot because I'm at a loss of words for you. So, my best advise I can muster is...

What would you say to someone who posted what you just did? I think you would tell them not to dismiss all the hard work they've put into the last year. That they had come a long way. How does one know when they've successed without experiencing some failures? I think you would tell them that they have been here long enough to know the drill.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start over again. You have the tools, the knowledge and the experience. You have the drive and the fortitude. You are a rock, Reenie. But you are human. And you are loved very, very much. Your husband and your family wouldn't be so disappointed if you weren't. And maybe they are disappointed for you, hun. Not just in you. They've seen your hard work. So they know you are capable of doing it again. And you will. I know you will.

Peace, my friend. You'll be just fine.

Love, Me
:l:h:l

**Reenie** · April 3, 2008, 03:47 PM

I messed up again

To My Repliers and Thankful:

Thank you so much for your kind words and support. Thankful, I appreciate your time replying to me. You have said the right words. As I'n typing this, tears are streaming down my face. I can't thank you all enough for writing back to me right now. It is so true, I can use a hug. I hope that once my tears stop, and after my talk with my husband, and yes of course my Dad, my strength to beat this will be renewed.

Love,
Reenie

**betty boop** · April 3, 2008, 03:56 PM

I messed up again

Reenie, another big hug from me :l:l:l

Be proud of yourself for all the many many AF days that you have done ..........

Get back on that horse .......

Love ya, BB xx

**wonderworld** · April 3, 2008, 04:02 PM

I messed up again

Reenie -
I hear you too :l. Don't forget you've got the alcohol leaving your system, which always leads to the creepy crawly anxiety feeling. And you got so sick too, so it's worse :upset::upset:. In a day or 2 you will just feel so much better just from that part being over. You know how that is - we bounce back quick with each passing AF day. Hold on!

And as far as letting everyone down - I know that is very painful too. But they will adjust. The most important thing is YOU. And I'm so curious........ as I read your post, which was so beautifully honest, it sounds like you were very intent on drinking - I know you would never try to convince someone to drink with you in that way unless you were feeling really stressed or something. The job situation is enough right there. But is there something about your Dad coming that made you want to drink more? Even if it's just that it would be your 'last chance'? (my brain can be VERY sneaky like this when AL is involved).

I'm just poking around here. Sounds like you might have been in more distress than you realized? In any event, things will smoothe out. On Dec. 24 I found myself guzzling rum in the dark, standing in front of the wetbar in my sister's house. Go figure. I'm now almost to 90 again, and that night is a distant memory. I hardly ever think about it at all, except as a reminder. You can do it.

Just stay close :h. We will help you !!!

Love WW xx

**cmhguy3** · April 3, 2008, 04:51 PM

I messed up again

Hello Reenie,

Remember AF is like learning to ride a bike, you fall down, you get back up. You are doing great, you just had a stumble. Dont let the blues of your hangover talk you out of all the past sucess you have had. Tomorrow is a new day! Suit Up, supplement up and get back on that bike!

Tim

**Reenie** · April 3, 2008, 04:58 PM

I messed up again

Wonderworld: You hit the nail on the head. I was intent on drinking knowing that my Dad was landing that day. Here is/was my fear. I feared seeing my Dad as I am ashamed of myself for having this problem. I'm scared to see him because I slipped last month in Mexico. With that being said, I was afraid that I would slip "just before" he came home from his trip. If I slipped, then I would have to face him and feel uncomfortable. I was in fear of slipping, hence I slipped. Do you know what I mean? I made my anxiety/fear come true. I have a way of taking myself down. I self destruct. Keep in mind, I'm 42 years old, married, and don't live under my father's rule of thumb. My dad is a super great man. He is very close to me and my 3 siblings. He raised us alone. We kids have a high respect for our dad for all that he did and does for us. He's very lovable and is a great friend. I hate disappointing him, or having him concerned for me. Anyway, YOU ARE RIGHT. I did what I feared most, and that was to sabatoge myself. God, I must really be messed up.

**trixietrack** · April 3, 2008, 05:17 PM

I messed up again

reenie. so sorry to hear that you are hurting so much.

I think the above post says a lot. you are not messed up, you are still healing, healing is painful, very painful.

you have done so well. you can keep this up.

be well

blessings

Trixie

**dexterhead** · April 3, 2008, 05:18 PM

I messed up again

Reenie: I think self-sabotage is something many of us here engage in, or have engaged in. Certainly me. I don't know why this is so .. it is so-o-o confusing.

**Noelle** · April 3, 2008, 05:46 PM

I messed up again

Everyone else has given you such good advice, the only thing I can offer are GREAT BIG HUGS!!!! Please don't feel so bad, and now that you know why you drank, you can be ready for it next time AL tries to mess with your head.

(((Reenie))))

**Laurav** · April 3, 2008, 05:57 PM

I messed up again

Oh Babe, I know your pain. been there, done that.
Chin up! Beating yourself up is not going to do you any good. I should know as I do it to myself all the time. ((hugs))

**myra** · April 3, 2008, 06:26 PM

I messed up again

somewhere on today's posts there is a thread about us focusing on the positive things we are doing and the positive choices we are making. In the recent past, there have been way more days that you DID NOT drink than days that you did. Almost 8 months worth. I do think each day that we make choices that make us feel good about ourselves, maybe we learn a little more about how to keep it going. I also think we learn from our mistakes.

Please be kinder to yourself. I love these boards. No one lets you destroy yourself with attitude and thoughts.

By the way, nice to meet you.

Myra

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