To raise money for my children?s school one family auctions off 40 seats to a Texas Hold-em Poker tournament. This was our third year participating.
The first time we went I drank too much and was eliminated in the first round. My hubby who did not want to go ended up winning!
Last year I paced myself and me and hubby came in 3rd and 4th place.
Last night I knew would be a bit of a challenge as most people drink at this event. In the beginning I wanted a drink, not so much because I was craving it but more to feel like part of the crowd and to feel more relaxed. I have an anxiety disorder and had self medicated with AL for a long time. I have been successfully on medication for the past 12 years to combat the anxiety but sometimes get anxious in social situations. Funny, on the outside everyone sees me as very outgoing, if they only new how insecure I can feel sometimes. AL always helped in those situations. Now I believe that I am actually getting more confidence without AL because I am relying on my internal strength.
Anyway?.the first 1.5 hours were particularly rough. I had quite a conversation with myself! My hubby was in a different room and it would have been easy to have a drink without him knowing (for the past couple years I had been sneaking drinks because he disapproved of the quantity of my consumption). The wine and beer were flowing and I was not having much fun. Mostly because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself and struggling with the thought that I may never drink again for-the rest-of-my life. I was thinking ?this sucks! perhaps I should lose on purpose just so I can go home and go to sleep?. The real test came when someone put out a bottle of Stoli Vodka. I kept stealing longing glances of it thinking that I could easily put some in my soda without the hubby knowing. But, I had given him my word that I would not sneak drinks. So in the end I kept my word and at the two hour mark starting enjoying myself. I made it to 8th place and went home to relieve the babysitter (I had been playing for 6 hours at that point). My hubby came home an hour and a half later and had won for the second time!
My propose for sharing is to give strength to others in knowing that you can still go out and have fun without AL on your back. This morning I got up, made the kiddos a top notch breakfast and am ready to face the day instead of feeling like crap and just getting the bare minimum done. Refreshing.
Thanks for reading my novel and putting up with my grammatical errors.
The first time we went I drank too much and was eliminated in the first round. My hubby who did not want to go ended up winning!
Last year I paced myself and me and hubby came in 3rd and 4th place.
Last night I knew would be a bit of a challenge as most people drink at this event. In the beginning I wanted a drink, not so much because I was craving it but more to feel like part of the crowd and to feel more relaxed. I have an anxiety disorder and had self medicated with AL for a long time. I have been successfully on medication for the past 12 years to combat the anxiety but sometimes get anxious in social situations. Funny, on the outside everyone sees me as very outgoing, if they only new how insecure I can feel sometimes. AL always helped in those situations. Now I believe that I am actually getting more confidence without AL because I am relying on my internal strength.
Anyway?.the first 1.5 hours were particularly rough. I had quite a conversation with myself! My hubby was in a different room and it would have been easy to have a drink without him knowing (for the past couple years I had been sneaking drinks because he disapproved of the quantity of my consumption). The wine and beer were flowing and I was not having much fun. Mostly because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself and struggling with the thought that I may never drink again for-the rest-of-my life. I was thinking ?this sucks! perhaps I should lose on purpose just so I can go home and go to sleep?. The real test came when someone put out a bottle of Stoli Vodka. I kept stealing longing glances of it thinking that I could easily put some in my soda without the hubby knowing. But, I had given him my word that I would not sneak drinks. So in the end I kept my word and at the two hour mark starting enjoying myself. I made it to 8th place and went home to relieve the babysitter (I had been playing for 6 hours at that point). My hubby came home an hour and a half later and had won for the second time!
My propose for sharing is to give strength to others in knowing that you can still go out and have fun without AL on your back. This morning I got up, made the kiddos a top notch breakfast and am ready to face the day instead of feeling like crap and just getting the bare minimum done. Refreshing.
Thanks for reading my novel and putting up with my grammatical errors.
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