I have been doing a lot of thinking the past few weeks about my new life. It is starting to get very comfortable. Don't get me wrong, I definately have my up and down days, but now I am able to cope with them. I watch them come and I watch them go. The trick is to watch them, not attach to them. I don't make them into bigger situations than they are, even if they feel really big. I don't turn myself into a tornado and spin out taking everything and everyone with me.. I just observe the bad and the good and ride it out. I add the good into the mix here because the good is many times when I want to drink. I want to drink when I feel great, when the sun is shining, when work is done and I have had a fantastic day. When I have the bubbly feeling inside of me. Those are the days that I notice I really think more about drinking. So I must watch the good days as closely as the bad.
But, I also notice I am starting to feel lonely, a bit stagnant. So, I have decided it is time to take my little self out into the world. It is really scary! I moved here 13 years ago with a man, a man who knew a lot of people here. I knew no one. I had a child and met my former husband. He has been in this town since 1972, so he knows everyone. I have a few close friends, but I have never really formed a group of people around me. Everyone knows me, from work and my ex husband, but I haven't really let too many people in. I have never been too involved in activities, I think mainly becasue I thought it would interfere with my "downtime" aka, drinking time. I was selfish with that time. Funny how volunteering, going to lectures, just getting involved doesn't really mesh with drinking.. go figure! Well, I have a burning desire to give back now.. I must.
I have joined the gym again. Hired a personal trainer who is also a good friend and client. I will train 3x per week and take classes the other two days. I have decied I am going to go back to group meditation on Wednesday nights. And lastly, I am going to just get out of the house. To movies, lectures, art walks, reading in a coffee house, getting involved in subjects I am passionate about - anything I can do. THERE IS SO MUCH OUT THERE! I have 10 days a month where I do not have my daughter and I am going to go and find myself a GOOD LIFE! I actually set a goal to be out at least two nights out of the week on the nights I don't have my daughter.
So, if you see a little less of me, you know I am out there somewhere spreading my wings. Oh, and thank you Maxman wherever you are for giving me wings. He made a sculpure of me and gave her wings. I have it saved to my desktop.. He knew before I did :h
I will still be here, for sure. I can't leave!! Just maybe not every night. :h
Thank you all for giving me the strength to become someone I really like, someone who I think others will like, too. BIG SMILE!
90 days and I am just opening my eyes.. like a newborn baby.
Namste, my friends.
MM
But, I also notice I am starting to feel lonely, a bit stagnant. So, I have decided it is time to take my little self out into the world. It is really scary! I moved here 13 years ago with a man, a man who knew a lot of people here. I knew no one. I had a child and met my former husband. He has been in this town since 1972, so he knows everyone. I have a few close friends, but I have never really formed a group of people around me. Everyone knows me, from work and my ex husband, but I haven't really let too many people in. I have never been too involved in activities, I think mainly becasue I thought it would interfere with my "downtime" aka, drinking time. I was selfish with that time. Funny how volunteering, going to lectures, just getting involved doesn't really mesh with drinking.. go figure! Well, I have a burning desire to give back now.. I must.
I have joined the gym again. Hired a personal trainer who is also a good friend and client. I will train 3x per week and take classes the other two days. I have decied I am going to go back to group meditation on Wednesday nights. And lastly, I am going to just get out of the house. To movies, lectures, art walks, reading in a coffee house, getting involved in subjects I am passionate about - anything I can do. THERE IS SO MUCH OUT THERE! I have 10 days a month where I do not have my daughter and I am going to go and find myself a GOOD LIFE! I actually set a goal to be out at least two nights out of the week on the nights I don't have my daughter.
So, if you see a little less of me, you know I am out there somewhere spreading my wings. Oh, and thank you Maxman wherever you are for giving me wings. He made a sculpure of me and gave her wings. I have it saved to my desktop.. He knew before I did :h
I will still be here, for sure. I can't leave!! Just maybe not every night. :h
Thank you all for giving me the strength to become someone I really like, someone who I think others will like, too. BIG SMILE!
90 days and I am just opening my eyes.. like a newborn baby.
Namste, my friends.
MM
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