Woke up to another empty bottle, the cork still on the corkscrew, the remains of the scratch supper and the lights on. I remember everything about the evening (in alone - not a lot too remember) and it could have been worse - there could have been a second bottle opened.
I also woke up to a looooong list of jobs, responsibilities and in a house that most people wouldn't find acceptable. It is an old cottage, with character and in the country but there the charm ends. Keeping it brief I have no central heating, no wood cut for the wood burning stove, no hob to cook on, the camping gas stove has run out of gas cannisters. I also don't have a flush on our toilet and no seat on it either. A lot of this is because we have had to divert our energies and attentions over the last year to a barn conversion/holiday let project for income - just about finished.
The rest of the cottage does not have one other room that is not affected by major DIY projects that started before the holiday let/barn conversion work and were not finished. And I have no tv - by choice. And I have dogs and cats - in a small cottage this means quite a lot of hair/muddy paws etc.
I have stock animals and a horse - my choice - but you can probably guess that even the housing/arrangements for them are not as suitable as they could be!! I am often solely responsible for them (health, feeding, taking to the vet/abbatoir etc) and everything else as hubby is away about 50% of the time. When he is home he does work very hard for us both - I can't fault him for that - but we have bitten off more than we can chew with all the building/DIY work and it is me who is left to live in the mess while he goes away, albeit to work. His job is hard but he does get to get away from it all in rather nice international hotels with restaurants to eat in and interesting people to meet, laundry done for him etc etc When he gets back he still doesn't have to cook or do laundry etc as I do that whilst he works on the house/conversion/small holding - whatever is needed. When I complain - not often - he says he is working as hard as he can. And he is - I can't deny that.
So I suppose what I am saying in this rather self pitying whinge is that I have nothing particurlarly easy in my day to day life and nowhere in my home to go and relax and chill. I spend a lot of time at home (being self employed) and I'm a hard worker anyway but with all this around me and all the jobs to do I find it almost impossible to relax. And I am certain this is something that makes me drink. Drinking slows my brain and body down and I eventually wind down and sleep. Thus I only drink in the evenings. When I get offered the opportunity, not often, to drink in the middle of the day, I don't even entertain it as it will slow me down for the afternoon.
I'd love to hear from anyone who might have a any idea of what I could do to relax in this environment. Long soaks in the bath help - I usually catch up on some reading - but there are only so many one can have. And in the winter I go hunting on the horse twice a week - and I love it and make time for it but it can hardly be described as relaxing!! When my life has been more comfortable and I have less pressure and more time I have found that I can handle my drinking more. I feel better about myself, more in control, more able to look after myself rather than keep flogging away at a long list of jobs with me being right at the bottom of the list. It is an attitude thing - I need to change it - but I have spent so long like this that it is hard. A few words of wisdom from anyone who has been in the same situation and got over it would go a long way. I think I just need to be able to take a look at the bigger picture - at the moment I can't seem to see the wood for the trees.
Thanks for getting this far and sorry to be such a whinger! Most of you who read my ODAT threads know that I am not normally this moany!
Bessie xx
I also woke up to a looooong list of jobs, responsibilities and in a house that most people wouldn't find acceptable. It is an old cottage, with character and in the country but there the charm ends. Keeping it brief I have no central heating, no wood cut for the wood burning stove, no hob to cook on, the camping gas stove has run out of gas cannisters. I also don't have a flush on our toilet and no seat on it either. A lot of this is because we have had to divert our energies and attentions over the last year to a barn conversion/holiday let project for income - just about finished.
The rest of the cottage does not have one other room that is not affected by major DIY projects that started before the holiday let/barn conversion work and were not finished. And I have no tv - by choice. And I have dogs and cats - in a small cottage this means quite a lot of hair/muddy paws etc.
I have stock animals and a horse - my choice - but you can probably guess that even the housing/arrangements for them are not as suitable as they could be!! I am often solely responsible for them (health, feeding, taking to the vet/abbatoir etc) and everything else as hubby is away about 50% of the time. When he is home he does work very hard for us both - I can't fault him for that - but we have bitten off more than we can chew with all the building/DIY work and it is me who is left to live in the mess while he goes away, albeit to work. His job is hard but he does get to get away from it all in rather nice international hotels with restaurants to eat in and interesting people to meet, laundry done for him etc etc When he gets back he still doesn't have to cook or do laundry etc as I do that whilst he works on the house/conversion/small holding - whatever is needed. When I complain - not often - he says he is working as hard as he can. And he is - I can't deny that.
So I suppose what I am saying in this rather self pitying whinge is that I have nothing particurlarly easy in my day to day life and nowhere in my home to go and relax and chill. I spend a lot of time at home (being self employed) and I'm a hard worker anyway but with all this around me and all the jobs to do I find it almost impossible to relax. And I am certain this is something that makes me drink. Drinking slows my brain and body down and I eventually wind down and sleep. Thus I only drink in the evenings. When I get offered the opportunity, not often, to drink in the middle of the day, I don't even entertain it as it will slow me down for the afternoon.
I'd love to hear from anyone who might have a any idea of what I could do to relax in this environment. Long soaks in the bath help - I usually catch up on some reading - but there are only so many one can have. And in the winter I go hunting on the horse twice a week - and I love it and make time for it but it can hardly be described as relaxing!! When my life has been more comfortable and I have less pressure and more time I have found that I can handle my drinking more. I feel better about myself, more in control, more able to look after myself rather than keep flogging away at a long list of jobs with me being right at the bottom of the list. It is an attitude thing - I need to change it - but I have spent so long like this that it is hard. A few words of wisdom from anyone who has been in the same situation and got over it would go a long way. I think I just need to be able to take a look at the bigger picture - at the moment I can't seem to see the wood for the trees.
Thanks for getting this far and sorry to be such a whinger! Most of you who read my ODAT threads know that I am not normally this moany!
Bessie xx
c: :heart:
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