awful row with daughter...

[Finding My Self]

I just tried a long post - all gone... no internet still. At friends - keeps logging off.

D#2 says I am sh*t mother. Some mother's are good mothers even with cancer... I only have constant pain.

Dear partner couldn't tell me about the notice on his house as I have too much going on.... He's got suspected prostatic cancer too. I have always got room for others...I thought....but perhaps I am so wrong....d#1 says I am sh*t and now d#2 and son....? My mother said it so I lost d#1 at 18 months.... d#2 now...

I have to post - this'll get lost too...

I don't know what to do....

[Finding My Self]

awful row with daughter...

I am so sorry this is so broken up - I feel so useless - I wont turn to drink - the b******* wont do that to me again... D#2 told their father I was useless when she was 15/16 and knew it all, he believed her and abducted my son for 3 months back then - I thought it was ok now. She knows 'everything' (didn't we all) incuding the fact that that is what teenagers do....but she, of course, isn't like others ones.... If only I would do what she tells me to do all my money worries would be over.... at 19 ?!?! You know that one? The UK benefit system? Oh right! I lose a lot of benefits this year when she goes to Uni and I tried so hard to say it isn't her 'fault' but she says I don't mean that and that I think it really. If I was a good mother I would (a) talk to them as adults and (b) protect them from all this as they are children.....

I don't know what to do? How do |I go back and tell them I am an ok mother when I am not?

[AMELIA]

awful row with daughter...

Finding, I am so sorry you are having these conflicts with your daughters. Perhaps you could find some comfort in the fact that yes they are young and therefore not old enough to fully appreciate the efforts you have put in over the years to be the best mother that you were able to.
I hated my parents at times when I was younger (I expected them/us to be perfect),....it was only when I got into my 30's that I began to realise that they were just human and doing the very best they could.
You are ok. They will realise as they get older just how much they have to thank you for.
Thinking of you.
x

[Finding My Self]

awful row with daughter...

D#2 says that parenting to me is about telling them just how sh*t life is, how hard it is and how to look for the cr*p in it..... just because I learned that in my life I shouldb't tell them aobut it...

I try so hard to be the same in life as here....the only thing different is not hearing the tone of voices through cyber space.... I try to look for the good in everything - crap or not, there is always good stuff going on.... do I not say it loud enough?

I am broke. I have no house. I rent and have to move now as I will be only given money for 2 bedrooms and not 3.... But I have a roof over my head. I am so lucky - there are folk in my town who are in shop doorways....and I have always said that....was that so wrong?

[Finding My Self]

awful row with daughter...

I'm sorry - real old rant that eh...? I can see your 'button' lit up, Satori and can hear some of your wisdom over the airwaves just by being there!... Thanks.

I just want to be nothing other than a good mum....the only thing. Oh, and a good partner! A good person... Sorry. An arrogant desire I know but...

To face the kids now.... thanks Amelia. Yup, guess so. Just a pity I just cannot seem to feel that about my mother even though she's gone now.... if that was her best, Gawd help us all! And if I am the same then Gawd help my kids and everyone!

[Palatia]

awful row with daughter...

Oh myyyyy... I am lucky to have a roof too Finding... it's been rough here.

You're getting a lot of abuse from others... Just remember, be kind to yourself.

You sound like a wonderful person... looking for the positive.

:hug:

How do these convos with the kids start? Is there any way not to get sucked into them?

[Breez]

awful row with daughter...

Be patient with them. They are still young. Like Amelia said-I did not appreciate my mom until I was in college and in my 20's. They are still discovering themselves. Don't be hard on yourself. You are a wonderful person. In time they will discover this.

My daughter is still young (9) but had a huge hissy fit this morning and I spoke to my hubby saying "crap-wait till she's a teenager and the hormones".

Hang in there!:l

[Palatia]

awful row with daughter...

As you wander through life, sister/brother, whatever be your goal, keep your eye upon the donut, and not upon the hole.

- Sign in the Mayflower Coffee Shop, Chicago

[AMELIA]

awful row with daughter...

Great quote Palatia:thumbs:

[satori]

awful row with daughter...

FMS,

Teenagers are themselves suffering from all the pressures of turbulent hormones / finding their own identities in a fast paced stressful modern life - and they vent / lash out at whoever is nearest that they can have as a captive audience - they typically want to blame everyone but themselves for all their perceived woes.

They are midway between being children and needing the care and guidance of a parent - and wanting to live an independant life free of "unfair" parental controls - but they have not yet collected the life skills and experience to be able to do that.

I have been going through some similar issues with 16 yo who also knows everything - and all his "problems" are also caused by his cruel, uncaring parents!

This too WILL pass.

Parenting is not easy - I think most of us just struggle through and make it up as we go along.

In time they will realise this too (I hope!)

Love

Satori

xxx

[Finding My Self]

awful row with daughter...

Thank you soooh much....

Satori - you are so right...just, you know...in the heat of the moment I forget it. Palatia - that is so simply brilliant! Yes, just why do I mention these 'hot' things to her...?!? Asking for trouble!

Thing is, Satori - et all..... am I the only person to 'lose my rag' and shout off and now feel a right stupid, undignified, childish mother? Her righteous indignation about my staying 'un-calm' is after all correct...? Anyone else been there and got my T-stirt too? Or do I really have to go and crawl? I haven't lost my rag in front of her for months and months but, boy, is she forgetting that just now!!

[satori]

awful row with daughter...

Don't worry - I have a collection of those T-Shirts I have gathered lately.

You realise that due to my chosen path in life I am "supposed" to be able to see my anger arising and to chose not to go there, but yes ....I too occasionally lose it I am ashamed to say.
Usually it is when the elder boy is being disrespectful to his Mum.
As a cruel and heartless father, I find that unacceptable I am afraid.

I think it is really frustrating because most of the time the kids' arguments are so illogical
If they had a GENUINE grievance, it is something we could work out - but often it is just that they want to take their frustration out by having an argument just for the hell of it!

The joys of parenthood!

Love

satori
xxx

Finding My Self;306703 wrote: Thank you soooh much....

Satori - you are so right...just, you know...in the heat of the moment I forget it. Palatia - that is so simply brilliant! Yes, just why do I mention these 'hot' things to her...?!? Asking for trouble!

Thing is, Satori - et all..... am I the only person to 'lose my rag' and shout off and now feel a right stupid, undignified, childish mother? Her righteous indignation about my staying 'un-calm' is after all correct...? Anyone else been there and got my T-stirt too? Or do I really have to go and crawl? I haven't lost my rag in front of her for months and months but, boy, is she forgetting that just now!!

[Accountable for Me]

awful row with daughter...

You are definitately not alone here, Feet. I am so sorry you are going through so much pain. Sometimes I wonder when it will ever end myself, and you MUST be feeling the same.

We are put on this Earth for a reason - and only God knows what that reason is. I certainly haven't figured it out yet.

My eldest daughter - hates me for the 4 years I drank heavily. It pains me that no matter what I do, there is no forgiveness there, and she is only 14 going on 15. She uses it as an excuse to manipulate me - and I know that I was a shitty mom during those years. Well, not abusive in anyway, more like preoccupied.

We deserve forgiveness. Especially seeing we are trying hard to help ourselves and turn our lives around. Anyway............ I can go on forever.

All I can say is to never give up on yourself or your children. Continue to work on yourself, love yourself, and don't let anyone beat you down, even if it is your own kids.

Continue to be strong.

[bestlifeldms]

awful row with daughter...

Wow!

It must be in the air, because I am experiencing much of the same! I certainly am sorry for what you are going through. We have 5 grown kids, the youngest are twins 22/ 23 this summer.

My husband, who never drinks, and I are both met with disapproval from all of our children. Isn't it amazing that if we are so stupid, how did they end up so smart? That's one for the books.

As a parent, I have been 90% excellent and 10% pathetic. They always focus on the 10%. My hub and I were discussing this recently and he said something to me that I never thought I would hear him say. He said,"I don't give a damn what they think of us. We did our very best at any given moment. I am sick and tired of being blamed for every problem they (kids) have. They need to grow up and take responsibility for their own problems and find a way to correct them. I sick to death of their poor little psyches'."

3 of 5 have completed their educations, one has a doctorate. This didn't happen without sacrafice! Sometimes I wish they were still small enough to spank! OMG! Child abuse, I forgot.

Hang in there. Be the best you can be. Don't melt down in their presence. Rise above all of this and it will eventually be better!

:l Best

[Palatia]

awful row with daughter...

Bestlife!

How awesome you have a husband who can see things the way they are...

Personal opinion: spoiled brats = edumacated kids who don't appreciate it...