I actually posted this as more of a complaint on another post thread from my AF April goal, but when I went back to read it I started laughing. So I decided to post it here to share with all of you. It is very funny now that I look back at how hard I had to work to not drink without anyone knowing that I was not drinking. Our party hardy society is pretty funny really. So here goes, enjoy:
"Croft what are you having?"
Me, "I don't know just yet"
"Hey there Croft, you gotta try this vodka from Crater Lake, here have a sip"
Me, "no thanks, not really in the mood for vodka tonight"
"Oh just taste mine, it is really something, nectar of the gods"
Me, "no thank you, I will get something in a minute, after I finish my water"
"Hey Croft we are toasting, here is a glass of Champagne, you have to say something"
Me, "ok, "To the birthday girl, hey Jenny is that mold on your arm....ahahahahahhaha" casually wander to the bathroom and pour the champagne out.
"Hey Croft, there you are, we just made a round of shots, here you go, Scottie is making a toast" a shot gets shoved in my hand.
Me, "to the birthday girl, yea" raise my glass, turn around and pour it down the sink while everyone has their head pointed to the ceiling.
"Croft, what can I get you? a glass of wine, a beer?"
Me, "oh, I have been offered drinks all nite, I am dehydrated, think I will have some water"
"ok, I will get you a glass of water"
Me, "sighhhhh, great!"
"Hey there Croft, how you been? We got the whisky you like so much out!!! check it out!!! Hey guys, look its Croft, bring us a couple more glasses"
Me, "Hey dude" I manage to sneak away.
Best Friend, "Hey there BBF, I bought some of that stuff so we can make Chocolate Cherry Martinis later to have in the hot tub"
Me, "Yea!!!, that will be great, I can't wait"
"Hey Croft, come in here and look what Joey is doing"
Me, "What is Joey doing"
"He is chugging beer from Jenny's flower pot, here hold this"
Me, "shit" now holding a glass of wine.
"You can have that, I am switching to that vodka from Crater Lake"
Me, sneaking off to find another drain to pour out the glass of wine.
"Hi Croft I have not see you in a while, look what I got?"
Me, "What is it?"
"Just Sprite"
Me, "Really, it looks like you peed in it"
"You want to taste it?"
Me, "Nope"
"It is just Whisky and Sprite, here taste it"
Me, "Nope"
"Go ahead, it won't hurt you"
Me, "Nope"
"I told you it is that color cause of the , hicup, whisky, drink it"
Me, "ok," pretend to take a sip
"You faked it, you think I really did pee in it, hey guys Croft thinks I peed in my drink" he stumbles off.
Finally, I have run out of excuses. I bid farewell to my friend, blaming it on a stomachache and go home early.
I have managed to turn down or pour down every drink I have been offered. I have found every drain in the house including the showers and bathtubs. Even actual nectar from the gods themselves. Although if it is the actual nectar from the gods then why were people chugging it? I mean if it was from the gods wouldn't you want to savor it? Sip it? Let it rest on the tongue? Enjoy it? Hmmmmmmm? Seems like there might be some gods somewhere who are un-amused about their nectar being drank irresponsibly. And I don't think we want to piss off the gods.
"Croft what are you having?"
Me, "I don't know just yet"
"Hey there Croft, you gotta try this vodka from Crater Lake, here have a sip"
Me, "no thanks, not really in the mood for vodka tonight"
"Oh just taste mine, it is really something, nectar of the gods"
Me, "no thank you, I will get something in a minute, after I finish my water"
"Hey Croft we are toasting, here is a glass of Champagne, you have to say something"
Me, "ok, "To the birthday girl, hey Jenny is that mold on your arm....ahahahahahhaha" casually wander to the bathroom and pour the champagne out.
"Hey Croft, there you are, we just made a round of shots, here you go, Scottie is making a toast" a shot gets shoved in my hand.
Me, "to the birthday girl, yea" raise my glass, turn around and pour it down the sink while everyone has their head pointed to the ceiling.
"Croft, what can I get you? a glass of wine, a beer?"
Me, "oh, I have been offered drinks all nite, I am dehydrated, think I will have some water"
"ok, I will get you a glass of water"
Me, "sighhhhh, great!"
"Hey there Croft, how you been? We got the whisky you like so much out!!! check it out!!! Hey guys, look its Croft, bring us a couple more glasses"
Me, "Hey dude" I manage to sneak away.
Best Friend, "Hey there BBF, I bought some of that stuff so we can make Chocolate Cherry Martinis later to have in the hot tub"
Me, "Yea!!!, that will be great, I can't wait"
"Hey Croft, come in here and look what Joey is doing"
Me, "What is Joey doing"
"He is chugging beer from Jenny's flower pot, here hold this"
Me, "shit" now holding a glass of wine.
"You can have that, I am switching to that vodka from Crater Lake"
Me, sneaking off to find another drain to pour out the glass of wine.
"Hi Croft I have not see you in a while, look what I got?"
Me, "What is it?"
"Just Sprite"
Me, "Really, it looks like you peed in it"
"You want to taste it?"
Me, "Nope"
"It is just Whisky and Sprite, here taste it"
Me, "Nope"
"Go ahead, it won't hurt you"
Me, "Nope"
"I told you it is that color cause of the , hicup, whisky, drink it"
Me, "ok," pretend to take a sip
"You faked it, you think I really did pee in it, hey guys Croft thinks I peed in my drink" he stumbles off.
Finally, I have run out of excuses. I bid farewell to my friend, blaming it on a stomachache and go home early.
I have managed to turn down or pour down every drink I have been offered. I have found every drain in the house including the showers and bathtubs. Even actual nectar from the gods themselves. Although if it is the actual nectar from the gods then why were people chugging it? I mean if it was from the gods wouldn't you want to savor it? Sip it? Let it rest on the tongue? Enjoy it? Hmmmmmmm? Seems like there might be some gods somewhere who are un-amused about their nectar being drank irresponsibly. And I don't think we want to piss off the gods.
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