It's been no secret to my kids aged 15, 13 & 11 that I drink. They've seen me drunk more times than I care to say. I've told them that I'm going to a centre for alcohol and drug addiction to help me stop and they're really pleased.
The last 22mths have been exceptionally hideous for me and there fore for my kids. Some of you know that one of my best friends was murdered by her long term partner, it'll be 2yrs in June, I was date raped in the following February and then in August diagnosed with bipolar. So a lot has been neglected, my kids, myself, my home, my friends because I just completely shut down in the end.
My medication has changed recently and I feel a hell of a lot better. My son surprised me the other week when he said " Yah!!! Mum your back" . God bless him. Just goes to show that when you think your doing a good job faking that your alright it doesn't always work. All my children are really pleased to see me back, getting things done in the house and garden and there're really keen to help. I thank God that I have a good relationship with my kids and they are good kids despite everything. I've always tried to be as honest as I can or think I should be with them.
Anyway, what i'm trying to get to is this. I had to write a list of pros and cons of drinking to take to my next meeting at the addiction centre, which was yesterday.
On Thurday I asked the kids for their imput. They can't see anything good about drinking we were talking about the cons and came up with a quick list all pretty obvious really, wasted money, hangovers, depression, anxiety, blackouts, shame, guilt, weight gain, lack of motivation, arguments, crying, embarrassing, no self esteem etc.....
Then my 13yr old said she had something to show me. A couple of weeks ago she had videoed me drunk on her mobile phone. It was awful to watch. My children were begging me to go to bed so that I'd be their normal mum in the morning, I was slurring my words and not making a lot of sense, what they were saying was mature beyond their years, all 3 of them. I did end up getting up and going to bed.
How horrible for them. I cryed when I watch it and that's why they hadn't shown me cause they didn't want to upset me. We all had a cry and I thanked them for videoing me and showing me what a hideous disgrace I am when drunk. NO MUM SHOULD BE LIKE THAT EVER. I got them to load it onto my account on the pc for me. Any time that drinking feeling/thinking comes sneaking along I'm gonna watch it. I watch it last night actually cause I was having some cravings, beleive me, it soon put them to sleep.
My kids are brilliant and I'm so proud of them. I'm so ashamed of myself for what I have allowed alcohol to do to me and to them by witnessing me under the influence........
NO MORE!! EVER........
Want
xxxxx
The last 22mths have been exceptionally hideous for me and there fore for my kids. Some of you know that one of my best friends was murdered by her long term partner, it'll be 2yrs in June, I was date raped in the following February and then in August diagnosed with bipolar. So a lot has been neglected, my kids, myself, my home, my friends because I just completely shut down in the end.
My medication has changed recently and I feel a hell of a lot better. My son surprised me the other week when he said " Yah!!! Mum your back" . God bless him. Just goes to show that when you think your doing a good job faking that your alright it doesn't always work. All my children are really pleased to see me back, getting things done in the house and garden and there're really keen to help. I thank God that I have a good relationship with my kids and they are good kids despite everything. I've always tried to be as honest as I can or think I should be with them.
Anyway, what i'm trying to get to is this. I had to write a list of pros and cons of drinking to take to my next meeting at the addiction centre, which was yesterday.
On Thurday I asked the kids for their imput. They can't see anything good about drinking we were talking about the cons and came up with a quick list all pretty obvious really, wasted money, hangovers, depression, anxiety, blackouts, shame, guilt, weight gain, lack of motivation, arguments, crying, embarrassing, no self esteem etc.....
Then my 13yr old said she had something to show me. A couple of weeks ago she had videoed me drunk on her mobile phone. It was awful to watch. My children were begging me to go to bed so that I'd be their normal mum in the morning, I was slurring my words and not making a lot of sense, what they were saying was mature beyond their years, all 3 of them. I did end up getting up and going to bed.
How horrible for them. I cryed when I watch it and that's why they hadn't shown me cause they didn't want to upset me. We all had a cry and I thanked them for videoing me and showing me what a hideous disgrace I am when drunk. NO MUM SHOULD BE LIKE THAT EVER. I got them to load it onto my account on the pc for me. Any time that drinking feeling/thinking comes sneaking along I'm gonna watch it. I watch it last night actually cause I was having some cravings, beleive me, it soon put them to sleep.
My kids are brilliant and I'm so proud of them. I'm so ashamed of myself for what I have allowed alcohol to do to me and to them by witnessing me under the influence........
NO MORE!! EVER........
Want
xxxxx
It sounds like you are taking all the right steps to make sobriety a priority in your life. 
ray:
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