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Boy was I pissed!

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    Boy was I pissed!

    I got a call from Joe right before it was time for me to leave work, yesterday. We had agreed to not drink during the week at least, and he had not only drank but drank the last of my beer too.

    The last thing I told Joe before I left for work that morning was please move the beer to the basement or elsewhere where it was warm. I knew if there was cold beer in the fridge, I'd drink it.

    What I didn't expect was him to drink both his and my leftover beer, not get any, then call me at work to say if I wanted beer I'd have to stop and get some.

    For those who don't know, Joe quit his job, and we had a discussion about if he's not working don't drink.

    I know, why did I have beer in the house then. Well we did drink Sunday, but far less than usual, which was why there was leftover. Usually we drink until it's gone, no matter how many and there was 12 left between us.

    Joe did nothing yesterday, did no repairing the kitchen, did no errands as we had discussed, did make dinner. And the thing that really pisses me off, WHAT IF A PERSPECTIVE EMPLOYER HAD CALLED? Joe was noticeably drunk when he called. Do you think an employer would give an interview much less hire someone when they call during the day and that person is DRUNK?!!!!!!

    I was pissed and reacted very childishly by getting my beer. Joe, with my permission, drank half of the new 12 pack. So I still drank about 1/2 of what I usually do. I told him not to buy beer tonite.......we will see.

    I know I enable him, he even made some comment about how after a few beers I slur noticeably.......wrong thing to say. "Yes Joe, but I have a job."

    Thanx for letting me vent. I'm not angry any longer but yesterday I sure was.

    #2
    Boy was I pissed!

    The job is not the issue here. A lot of alcoholics hold down jobs but are slowly killing themselves.

    I have had alcoholic partners, in similar sitautions - except they were both self employed. They thought they could get away with it and I was the bad one taking days off work through drink. I did admit my problem and was looking for help. My partner(s) would drink with me, buy alcohol for themselves then want me to share it.

    It was a nightmare, violent too.

    Sorry to be so harsh it just sounds so familiar.

    Comment


      #3
      Boy was I pissed!

      UK you don't sound harsh at all. Yes, alcoholism is one of the issues, and yes, I am a functional alcoholic. But the bottom line is I cannot support both Joe and myself. He needs to get a job. He needs to find and hold one. That's what I am focussing on now. Because w/o Joe having a job we cannot make ends meet.

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        #4
        Boy was I pissed!

        May I go out on a limb here and say there are 2 issues, the first being, everybody has to contribute to the household. Money, chores, something! When my hubby was laid off last year the thing that pissed me off the most was coming in to a sink full of dishes and no projects even being thought of. Once he attempted some projects I felt a little better. Once he got a job I felt alot better! Cuz he never did finish the projects. The second is the drinking, you know that cuz you are a smart lady. I'd say cut him off from the beer. I know, captain obvious right?
        The more we appreciate life, the more life appreciates and bestows us with more goodness.

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          #5
          Boy was I pissed!

          hart, I know this has been very difficult for you. I was in a very simular situation 4 years ago.... John wasn't working, I was working, and he sat around a lot of the times drinking or smoking pot. It was very disheartening and although I was always VERY MAD, I understood why in some ways.... being an alcoholic myself. BUT it still made me mad and frustrated.

          Be extra kind to yourself. You are carrying a huge burden being the sole provider at the moment. I just wanted to let you know that I know what you are going through - I have been there too. :l

          Comment


            #6
            Boy was I pissed!

            (((((Suzanna, AFM)))))))

            Thanx guys, your words mean a lot to me. I really appreciate the support. :l

            Comment


              #7
              Boy was I pissed!

              Hart, I remember you so well when I joined this site. You posted to me alot and we chatted alot too. I understand fully about the job situation. My partner was always in and out of jobs because he had "had enough" I always picked up the pieces and it builds resentment. My partner has just changed job.. "again" and it does nothing for my stability. I have slipped badly now, after 3 months of being sober and I hate my self. My life just feels out of my control. I hope he gets a job soon and that you can moderate your drinking when things are more settled. Hug for you x
              Sometimes the only way to stay sane is to go a little crazy

              Comment


                #8
                Boy was I pissed!

                Hart, just wanted you to know I have been there, and it doesn't have a simple or quick answer. I would search for jobs on my lunchtime and print them out and put them on his lap when I got home, I updated his resume, message relayed was get moving mister. Why should he be relaxing when I could send a nice not too subtle message? Why should I care about damaging his male ego when he has me in this position?

                Sk8girl, I send you hugs and support too. It is hard being the primary or sole provider, more reason to be good to yourself in small positive ways. :h Stay on your af or mods journey girlfriends!!
                The more we appreciate life, the more life appreciates and bestows us with more goodness.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Boy was I pissed!

                  I guess the thing to remember is you can't change or control anyone else. The only thing you can do is take control of your own life/situation and go from there.

                  Eventually the other people in your life will chose where they want to be with their lives, in the meantime be responsible for yourself and your drinking.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Boy was I pissed!

                    Hell get a job soon im sure and be out from under your feet!! What about night work and then he'll be going as your coming in ,a recipe for a perfect marriage=to hardly ever see each other! lol. Chin up girl ,good things are coming your way. As Dr. Phil says ...good things happen to good people ,and your good people.

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                      #11
                      Boy was I pissed!

                      Hart,
                      OK, so I will get slammed for this, but......this is turning into a "Co-Dependent Board"....How can anyone get healthy and sober, while buying into this? Hart, You have choices.....but, you choose to enable your husband....because that gives you permission to drink.....that is your choice......you can choose not to pay for his beer and put him in charge of getting a job...or not! Your choice!

                      Sorry, you are not "sweet" by dumping this shit on us and seeking co-depenence......co-dependence is destructive and not at all loving.

                      Time to get REAL, Hart!!!

                      What do you want Hart????

                      KH
                      A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes~Cinderella

                      AF 12/6/2007

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Boy was I pissed!

                        Hi Hart,
                        I have to agree with kate. Is this the same guy that rang you at work and took the day off work so he could drink and rang you to get more beer! I believe that pissed you off. Is it also the same guy that cc you into his email to tell his boss he was quitting his job without discussing this with you!!I also believe you were pissed off big time and while he slept you stayed up late updating his CV!!!. Now this is the same guy NO JOB obviously NOT trying ringing you saying he has drunk all the beer from the weekend and was letting you Know to buy more. Shit Hart in my world that person needs his arse kicked BIG time I cant believe you tolerate this . Are you doing it for the kids or something?????Hate to say it But this needs to stop.Re read youre past posts about this.
                        Sorry Capt

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Boy was I pissed!

                          Some very good responses saying what I would love to have said myself.......

                          You can't use someone else as an excuse and if you want to beat this yourself before you lose everything (like your job) you have to remove negative influences. They can either join you on your journey or be left behind. One of my drinking partners would buy beer saying "you have done well - 3 days AF and a hard day at work, everyone deserves to relax" and off I would fall from the wagon. He actually just wanted his drinking buddy. Eventually I left, I had enough and wanted a sober life - it was painful but he wouldn't or couldn't recognise I really wanted a proper life.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Boy was I pissed!

                            I have to agree with a lot of this only b/c I've been there. I at times encouraged my partner to drink(which he has no problem doing on his own) b/c I wanted to and figured he couldn't comment on my drinking if he was just as bad. It wasn't till I wanted sobriety much more than I wanted him that we both got our acts together. He still drinks at times but I will not buy it and I will not join in. You can't have it both ways so you need to make choices. That may include you not using his bad actions to excuse your drinking.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Boy was I pissed!

                              Hart, you're always so positive and this thread confused me.

                              You made a decision for yourself and I thought that your husband agreed that while he was looking for work and finances are strained that laying off all unnecessary expenses (like liquor) was the smart thing to do? I can TOTALLY relate to having skirmishes over line items (who drank *my* beer) versus trying to cope with the BIG thing, the hard thing (our finances are going to be in the crapper, why aren't you spending 8 hours a day looking for work, or picking up something part time/temp in the interim?) My husband and I are the king and queen of avoidance - that's why I am here with you all!

                              Remember your own resolve! And if your husband wants something, he can get it - you're busy supporting the house! :l:l:l
                              The untold want, by life and land ne?er granted,
                              Now, Voyager, sail thou forth, to seek and find.

                              W Whitman


                              90+ days yay!

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