Been a while since I posted but I felt I needed to off load.
I have ruined my sobriety because my stress levels have been pushed to the limit this past week or so. I had done so well with 3 months with not a drop of alcohol, and then ruined it.. I got involved with someone in a support group who was supposed to want to help me, and it's messed with my head. My partner has changed job, for the umpteenth time and that always pushes me out of my comfort zone. Every time I adjust to a new set of circumstances they change and I have to get used to them all over again. Add that to the affore mentioned and well I am sad to say I caved. I know no one forced me to drink, and I am not blaming anyone for the fact that I did. I do feel tho, that had I not have been in a position where I was tempted... twice this person tried to push me to drink and twice I refused. The third time I thought f*#k it and so I drank. My emotions are all over the place and mind games and deceit have thrown me. I am now in the position of having to claw my way back up again and go through all the shite of getting started all over again. This "thing" never goes away.
I went to an AA meeting today, a nice one and my favourite . I got a lot of support and encouragement but something doesnt feel the same. I really thought I had got it this time but it just goes to show that's never the case. Sometimes I think I am destined to be drinker and follow in my dads footsteps.
My doctor hs been wonderfull but there is no magic pill. They say I have to "work at it". What if I cant? I don't seem to be making a very good job at it so far. I don't understand how I could have done so well.. better than I ever have done and gone straight back to square one. I want someone to take all this away but no one can. I passed a skating test yesterday and was so happy, but then... crash, the smallest thing can happen, and I am right down in the depths again. I am so fed up. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.
I have ruined my sobriety because my stress levels have been pushed to the limit this past week or so. I had done so well with 3 months with not a drop of alcohol, and then ruined it.. I got involved with someone in a support group who was supposed to want to help me, and it's messed with my head. My partner has changed job, for the umpteenth time and that always pushes me out of my comfort zone. Every time I adjust to a new set of circumstances they change and I have to get used to them all over again. Add that to the affore mentioned and well I am sad to say I caved. I know no one forced me to drink, and I am not blaming anyone for the fact that I did. I do feel tho, that had I not have been in a position where I was tempted... twice this person tried to push me to drink and twice I refused. The third time I thought f*#k it and so I drank. My emotions are all over the place and mind games and deceit have thrown me. I am now in the position of having to claw my way back up again and go through all the shite of getting started all over again. This "thing" never goes away.
I went to an AA meeting today, a nice one and my favourite . I got a lot of support and encouragement but something doesnt feel the same. I really thought I had got it this time but it just goes to show that's never the case. Sometimes I think I am destined to be drinker and follow in my dads footsteps.
My doctor hs been wonderfull but there is no magic pill. They say I have to "work at it". What if I cant? I don't seem to be making a very good job at it so far. I don't understand how I could have done so well.. better than I ever have done and gone straight back to square one. I want someone to take all this away but no one can. I passed a skating test yesterday and was so happy, but then... crash, the smallest thing can happen, and I am right down in the depths again. I am so fed up. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.
:l
ray:
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