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    Whats the point

    Been a while since I posted but I felt I needed to off load.

    I have ruined my sobriety because my stress levels have been pushed to the limit this past week or so. I had done so well with 3 months with not a drop of alcohol, and then ruined it.. I got involved with someone in a support group who was supposed to want to help me, and it's messed with my head. My partner has changed job, for the umpteenth time and that always pushes me out of my comfort zone. Every time I adjust to a new set of circumstances they change and I have to get used to them all over again. Add that to the affore mentioned and well I am sad to say I caved. I know no one forced me to drink, and I am not blaming anyone for the fact that I did. I do feel tho, that had I not have been in a position where I was tempted... twice this person tried to push me to drink and twice I refused. The third time I thought f*#k it and so I drank. My emotions are all over the place and mind games and deceit have thrown me. I am now in the position of having to claw my way back up again and go through all the shite of getting started all over again. This "thing" never goes away.

    I went to an AA meeting today, a nice one and my favourite . I got a lot of support and encouragement but something doesnt feel the same. I really thought I had got it this time but it just goes to show that's never the case. Sometimes I think I am destined to be drinker and follow in my dads footsteps.

    My doctor hs been wonderfull but there is no magic pill. They say I have to "work at it". What if I cant? I don't seem to be making a very good job at it so far. I don't understand how I could have done so well.. better than I ever have done and gone straight back to square one. I want someone to take all this away but no one can. I passed a skating test yesterday and was so happy, but then... crash, the smallest thing can happen, and I am right down in the depths again. I am so fed up. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.
    Sometimes the only way to stay sane is to go a little crazy

    #2
    Whats the point

    You ARE making a good job of it .........

    I remember when you couldn't even manage one day, you have just done 3 months!!!!!!!

    You should be proud of your achievements ................

    I for one am really proud of the progress you have made, get back to the good work .........

    Beat the beast away ...........

    Love & Hugs BB xx
    sigpicXXX

    Comment


      #3
      Whats the point

      OK, This will not be the best response you get, I am sure as I'm feeling a bit fragile myself at the moment. As they say, pick youself up, dust youself off and begin again. I don't think you "ruined" your sobriety because of a slip. Three months is something to be proud of and hold your head high. Just because you have an accident doesn't make you a bad driver. Jump back on the horsey and giddy up! :l
      sigpic
      Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

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        #4
        Whats the point

        Please dont beat yourself up about it. 3 months AF is amazing and you can do it again. Just keep counting dont go back to day 1 that's too hard and not true anyway. You know the denial we all use so well with the drinking well use it now and just pretend yesterday (or whenever it was) didnt happen. It was just a blip nothing more. Also think about how much your post helps the rest of us stay vigilant. I know thats probably not much comfort but I cant wait until I can say 3 months. thats practically a lifetime. Good on ya.
        BH

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          #5
          Whats the point

          I agree, you didn't "RUIN" anything!!! I'm not putting down AA, but it seems like to some of them it's the end of the world, or you're going to just get worse from here on out, if you slip. It doesn't have to be that way. Yeah, you feel like crap, the guilt......
          3 months IS awesome. Look at it that way, and move forward!!:l
          _______________
          NF since June 1, 2008
          AF since September 28, 2008
          DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
          _____________
          :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
          5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
          _______________
          The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

          Comment


            #6
            Whats the point

            If you did it once, you CAN do it again. Just step back into a good space.

            Comment


              #7
              Whats the point

              Sk8girl, your happiness is not dependent upon others, nor is your sobriety. You have the strength and conviction to continue your awesome AF record!! You already have shown that. Find renewed strength within yourself. I will be cheering for you!
              :yay::cheering
              The more we appreciate life, the more life appreciates and bestows us with more goodness.

              Comment


                #8
                Whats the point

                What can I add to saying 3 months sober is absolutely fantastic - you should be incredibly proud of yourself. I would say that there are many many people on here that have had more than the odd lapse even after lenghty periods of sobriety. But please don't feel that this has ruined everything. I know its hard when you feel so angry at yourself, at those around you and the anger and despair at having to cope with alcoholism. But please don't let it overwhelm you and drag you down. Instead of beating yourself up and being your own harshest critic, give yourself some tlc, be kind to yourself and decide what you want to do next. Good luck.
                Nicole

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                  #9
                  Whats the point

                  Oh my, thank you. I really didnt want my 3 months to count for nothing so thankyou for backing me
                  Sometimes the only way to stay sane is to go a little crazy

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Whats the point

                    Hi sk8rgrl: I just read some of your old posts and saw how much you struggled at first. That is where I am at now. keep trying and cannot seem to get it. My mind, and my heart, know this is the most important thing in the world, but some twisted thing keeps me from any success. But, I am IN AWE of 3 months of sobriety!!!! :bow:bowRight now I'm sure you are feeling physically and mentally demoralized because of Al. But please keep focusing on that 3 months and what a hero you are to me, as well as others who've had extended sobriety periods :l
                    :boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Whats the point

                      get back on the bull of life and ride baby ride. keep up the good work
                      :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
                      best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Whats the point

                        SK8RGRL, please don't let it get you down. A slip is merely a slip. Three months is nothing to sneeze at! They do NOT count for nothing!!!
                        Noelle sez "Do want you like, like what you do. Life is Good."

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Whats the point

                          If you were successful for three months, you have tons of AF days ahead of you. Just a slip, it happens with many people here. Get back on the horse and keep riding toward the sunset.
                          My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Whats the point

                            you can

                            you can do this 3 months is awesome!!! hang tough remember we ARE worth it! keep in touch and thanks for sharing




                            lynn

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Whats the point

                              SK8TRGRL,

                              You are worth the effort, even if the "effort" lasts the rest of your life.

                              I just passed 30 days and am feeling awesome and strong. I am "cheating" because I am taking Antabuse to help me brush AL away when he comes to visit. I will do so long term because it is helping me stay sober and allowing me to attack the other issues I have without AL sticking his ugly nose into everything and clouding the issue.

                              Like you, I have gone 30 days before and relapsed.

                              This time, I am determined that a relapse is not possible, a slip might happen down the road but it will never ever turn into a relapse. There is a huge difference.

                              Bear always tells me that the only ones who fail are those who quit trying to quit.

                              Chief always tells me that quitting is a lot easier than quitting again and again.

                              Mags tells me that I have it in me and believes in me. (Thank you, Mags!!)

                              My MWO friends help me stay strong when the going gets rough. :h

                              I choose to listen and accept the help of everyone here. I learned and continue to learn from the success of those before me.

                              I am sorry about the anxiety and stress causing the battle to be more difficult. I, too, suffer anxiety and often panic attacks. I haven't had a single one since about a week after I quit drinking, though....

                              I am also taking Gabapentin, which my shrink prescribed for anxiety.

                              Between Antabuse, Gabapentin, MWO and occasional visits to AA, I am in a much better place than I was when I was drinking. I think I'll stay here for a long, long time and journey from here rather than keep on my drinking journey!!

                              Love and strength to you,
                              Cindi
                              XXXI
                              AF April 9, 2016

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