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Antabuse update...My story

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    #1

    Antabuse update...My story

    Hi guys!!

    I haven't been around for a week or so. I had an absolutly amazing week on a cruise with my husband, my sister, and my brother in law.

    Anyway, Just don't want to disappear, and so I am coming "clean". I started antabuse in March, which for me, was a godsend. Many of you know, I couldn't get two days together, as much as I was wanting to, for way too long. I started antaubuse, and got almost 30 days. For me, that is incredible. I went off it before my cruise...why??? because I didn't want to explain to my sister why I was not drinking at all. I know, that is nuts, but I also know many here understand this: I don't want people to worry I have a drinking problem...but...if I don't drink at all, they will wonder...and think...that I do.

    Anyway, my sis does know I have been struggling with drinking, but I did NOT want her to know I was on Antabuse....

    OK...so, here is the thing...I was great on the cruise..drank sooo normally. But I knew I would. Truth is, on a cruise, I can't "sneak" drinks...and I knew therefore I would drink really "normally". I did, and I really enjoyed it. But I can't fool myself. Even before the trip, when I knew the antabuse was out of my system, I was right back to my old habits. Now, we are back. I know I need to start the Antabuse again, but have put it off, because I know I can't drink on it. How crazy is that??? I LOVED the time I had without alcohol.

    This alcohol beast is amazing. I am sure I will start again on the med...maybe tomorrow...or certainly soon. The only think that worries me is that I did learn...The damn beast is still there just waiting to come back. If I were AF for longer...60 days? 90 days?? Would that help??? Or, is this damn thing just waiting for the opportunity to come back?

    OK just wanted to be honest here. The one place I can be.

    Love you all

    Beth
    formerly known as bak310
    Tags: None
    #2
    Antabuse update...My story

    thank you for sharing like the saying goes one day at a time. peace and god bless
    :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
    best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

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      #3
      Antabuse update...My story

      All you need is a little "nudge" to get you back on track.....so get going woman!!!! I have so much love and respect for you and I know you have it in you to start again. You had a little "time out" ...I know you ...I know my own tendencies and I know AL. Get back in the saddle my friend and start that healthy living once again. :l:l:l:l
      Sometimes I wonder...."Why is that frisbee getting bigger?"...and then it hits me.

      Comment

        #4
        Antabuse update...My story

        Beth,

        I am so glad you shared this, and I personally am encouraged that you have made such amazing progress ( I would have been way worse on a cruise with booze!)

        You can get back on board just like last time, but this time its 30 days!

        Right here with you sista!

        P4T
        If you do not live the life you believe, you will believe the life you live.

        Comment

          #5
          Antabuse update...My story

          Oh Wait!

          After reading my post, that sounded bad. Glad you are OFF board, but I said get back on board, you are probably going "Yes!!" LOL... Okay, just wanted to make sure I wasnt encouraging you to get back on board the Booze Ship! LOL!

          But rather get off the ship board, but get back on the MWO Board... oh heck, you know what I mean!
          If you do not live the life you believe, you will believe the life you live.

          Comment

            #6
            Antabuse update...My story

            Beth,

            Thank you for sharing. I love the honesty and information we exchange on this site. It is so awesome.

            Recall, Beth, that my shrink told me to stay on the Antabuse long term as long as my liver was okay. (If liver not okay, nooo, I can't start drinking again.)

            But, his point was that the Antabuse is a tool, not a cure. However, sobriety takes long term. It takes work and it takes dedication.

            He feels that drinkiing is only part of my issues but getting that haze of the booze out of my life first was the best way to insure I could deal with the other issues.

            So, yes. AL is there and AL is waiting. 30 days it not enough, 60, 90, who knows? He said he has patients who have been taking it more than a year as they work through their other issues. Many of these patients, btw, are medical doctors who absolutely cannot be found to have alcohol in their system or they will lose their licenses.

            Yes, we will be fighting AL pretty much the rest of our lives. But hey, my brother has been fighting diabetes all of his life, so if he can do that, I can do this.

            I am so glad you are back, I am glad you had fun on your vacation, because life is about having fun, too, and I am glad you are pondering your future and how to make it the best it can possibly be.

            Love,
            Cindi
            XXX
            AF April 9, 2016

            Comment

              #7
              Antabuse update...My story

              Beth,
              Ok, I'm jealous..there....admited it...I want a cruise so much! But not this year, too much to do and too little free time! Damn.
              It took a lot of courage to post your story, I am glad you did. You enjoyed yor time AF! that is good! Do you want more AF time is I guess maybe the big question? It sounds like you do! I hope you are able to get up, get back in the saddle and ride AF for a long long time!
              Hope to see you in the chat room soon!
              BHOG
              War isn't working. Let's try Peace!

              Comment

                #8
                Antabuse update...My story

                well guys...

                I am back on day 2, and back on Antabuse. It is just amazing how relatively easy it is to be AF with the Antabuse. Although it is day 2, I don't see it that simply. I really think the time I had before I stopped the Antabuse continues to help me stay strong now. I kinda had to push myself to pop that first pill again. I knew once I did, I was back to being AF, and as much as I soooo prefer life when not drinking, re-commiting to it was HARD. I guess that is just AL talking to me. I finally just popped the pill in my mouth yesterday afternoon, and actually, felt relief after. It is amazing how our minds can play such tricks on us. I had a nice evening...went to workout class just when I would have been getting into drinking, and came home to a nice night. I slept fairly well, and feel great today.

                Why we are so set on convincing ourselves that we want to drink is so baffling to me.

                Anyway, I am "back in the saddle".

                Thanks for all the replies.

                Beth
                formerly known as bak310

                Comment

                  #9
                  Antabuse update...My story

                  Welcome back, Beth.....glad you're back in the saddle...

                  Don

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Antabuse update...My story

                    it is hard to get back to it, isn't it? I did almost 90 days and then took off a weekend to celebrate my anniversary with my husband. . . I am still having a hard time getting back in the groove. The cravings are back. The desire is back. It is so easy to slip back into the plotting and planning to drink. I went back on campral this week to help get the cravings gone for a few weeks until I am certain I am back in my AF groove.

                    It is sad to know how easy it comes back and that we will have to be ever vigilent to stay clean.
                    Member since January 2008
                    AF since August 25, 2008

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Antabuse update...My story

                      What makes MWO so powerful is that people like you Lucy and TOH are HONEST with what you are going through. It is what makes this really work. Being able to walk this journey telling our stories along the way. Just reading your words about how you felt AF - then drinking - than the true desire to pick back up and be AF - is inspiring in it's self. It also helps me to know that I would be in your shoes if I ever tempted thinking I could moderate. So thank you for sharing --- I have no doubt that you will be AF. You too TOH - you can get those days back behind you.

                      Liv
                      AF since Jan. 1, 2008 .... It all began right here


                      Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice, you made it now.


                      (from the Movie "Once")

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Antabuse update...My story

                        Hey guys-

                        Thanks!

                        Day 2 almost over and feeling good. However, absolutely positive i would be drinking right now without the Antabuse...really strange but true. Working out again first thing tomorrow...still in the saddle and feeling good.

                        Love you all

                        Beth
                        formerly known as bak310

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Antabuse update...My story

                          I'm glad you're back in the saddle, Beth. You sounded so happy when you were AF, and so miserable when you were drinking. That antabuse does seem like an insurance policy for many people. I'd be afraid to go off of my maintenance dose of topa.

                          :l :l
                          AF as of August 5th, 2012

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Antabuse update...My story

                            Whoo Hoo Beth!! :whee:

                            Back in there with you....

                            Allie
                            If you do not live the life you believe, you will believe the life you live.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Antabuse update...My story

                              You know you can always be honest with us... most of us anyway, Ms. Lucy

                              Glad you had a nice time on your trip and was able to "moderate." Hopefully, when you need to, you'll have the strength to return to the Antabuse.

                              I started Antabuse last week and I feel TERRIFIC! It's just what I needed. I plan to go to Hawaii for my birthday in September, Antabuse in TOW! I don't plan to ever drink again as long as they make this precious product! LOL!

                              Take care, hon, and thanks for the "shout out" about Antabuse. I saw your post and got leery, like there may have been bad news about the drug.

                              Glad to see it wasn't :thanks:

                              Comment

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