A Funtioning Alcoholic

[jinja]

A Funtioning Alcoholic

The perspectives on life coming from these posts is very interesting. Maybe replace the word 'functioning' with 'existing'?!? A universal emotion from this dependence seems to be guilt, if I have it wrong please correct me. Guilt when you are in a bad space and guilt & regret as you are improving. I think that if you are on the first rung of the ladder, or further up - be kind to yourself!!! You are here!! Any improvement is a step in the right direction. The love you deserve to give yourself after so much abuse is yours by right!!! This is something that I am also struggling with.

From what I have read in other posts, I am also surprised at the amount of people dealing with depression - whether on medication or not. I know AL is a depressant in itself, but its this cycle of mental attitude and addiction that is the key. The how, when and why you break it (the cycle) is more personal.

I have been researching the main amino acids and neurotransmitters, i.e. GABA, Dopamine, Acetylcholine & Seratonine, and their relationship within our natural mental state. This and the addiction gene (but that is a whole new thread?) This is my mini-personal project at the moment and I would not have been able to put my 2+2 together without the AF time I have had. I am excited about my future!! Something I have not been for sooooooo long!!!!

All in all - good luck to all of us!! :h:h:h:h:h:h

ODAT!!

Take care
xxx

[bootcampbarbie]

A Funtioning Alcoholic

what a great thread. how funny we are to think if we are out of integrity with ourselves that we can get away with it. we walk around all day trying not to get found out. well it was probably the fact that i lost 40 lbs that was the real tell all sign. but i still have this photo from a sister in law of when i went to a family event after just starting topa and i was so fat and puffy and ick. and now i look in the mirror and someone said to me the other day you don't look anything like you did a year ago or even 6 months ago. you've had a transformation. lmao. um yeah. i guess at 4 months sober and taking the reins i have had a very big personal transformation. still, folks don't understand why i don't have just one glass with them. well it's all these meds i'm on i tell them for health reasons. lol. and i realize too that my relationships the ones that were stormy. i mean don't they realize i'm not drunk texting? it's funny cuz i said to a friend the other day, you know we are getting along really well these last 4 months. funny huh? yeah its really cool and odd. lmao. yeah cuz i'm not some split personality. because even when i was sober between drinks i was a crazy girl. and it was really odd because the other day i emailed an old friend that i know i offended years ago while drunk one night on the phone and i needed to ask a biz question and wow, was i surprised when he said oh i'm so happy to hear from you. i'm coming to town let's meet for drinks. hahahaahaha sure, i'll have tea and you drink. but i was relieved to see that i actually hadn't ruined that friendship. guess people are a lot more forgiving then i am of myself. they just want to know who you are being now is my point. the past is the past.
so when we've been drinking all these years as because i've done my body no good i'm now an expert in the arena and having to mend my health. we have definitely robbed our adrenal glands and severely shot ourselves in the foot. so, all things relating to helping us replace adrenal glands, supplying hormones, and helping the blood system back on its track are a must. and it will catch up to you as it has me this last year. believe me it is borrowed time and the clock is ticking. well, love to you all. boots

[Chief]

A Funtioning Alcoholic

We only fool ourselves into thinking people don't notice......I remember the red blotchy skin, always chewing gum, buying Visine in 55 gal drums....and all the while thinking I was fooling people.

It amazed me how fast the skin looked better...and the eyes. I never knew my eyes were this white, and this shade of blue. In the past 8 months, I've had people tell me I have pretty eyes....pretty eyes?....No one said that to me in 30 years, and now 3 different people have.

So, yeah....people notice when you are drinking. I can spot an alcoholic from across the room now. And the smell....it seems like I can smell alcohol on someone 10 feet away....I guess it's just my senses are more in tune now....

I don't ever want to go back there. At 256 days AF, the thought of taking a drink scares me. I look at it like poison. It took me a long time to beat The Beast, and I'm not about to ever let him get his foot in the door again....

So all of you who are just starting out in your AF life, stay strong and focused. Refuse to take that first drink.....just refuse. If you don't drink one, you won't drink 20. It's really that simple. I promise you the reward is worth it. Before you know it, you will see a difference in the way you look and feel and think. Once you get that healthy look and feeling back, cherish it everyday....and tell yourself everyday the reason you look and feel so much better is because you are now in control of your actions, not The Beast. You are now driving, instead of just riding....

Don