Men and their toys - help me get over being angry

[TiredofHiding]

Ok, this is not completely related to Al but my feelings and guilt are.

My husband has had a motorcycle since I met him. I have never liked them but I put up with them. I rode with him on occassion when we were dating and you pretend to be interested in the other persons crap (he went to the theater with me then too) but once our daughter was born - nope. I don't enjoy it - I find it scary, I don't like having bugs hit my helmet or feeling a car's heat on my butt. I don't like that I can't talk to him on it, there's no air conditioning or radio - - in short - yuck. But its his thing.

When we moved from the east coast to the southwest, he bought another one. ok fine. Well this week he sold that one and last night came home with a "crotch rocket" as I call it - big shiny bright red huge hunk of death trap. He spent the money from the other bike, plus another $1000.

I am not happy but I have been telling myself I have drunk $1000 worth over the last couple of years so I should shut up and let him be happy. But the bitchy part of me sees this ugly thing, fears for his life and is pissed off.

We are not hurting for money and the $1000 isn't going to break us. He took it from savings and did talk to me about it. But last night seeing it, really chapped my hide. I tried to stay quiet but there's no way to feign enthusiasm when he's grinning about his stupid new toy.

Plus its bigger than the other one and he had the nerve to ask if he could park it in front of my suv instead of infront of his car in the garage. I snapped "hell no" - that's your side so find room with your toys - my side is nice and neat and organized. (there are all the saws and power tools he never uses over there too plus 2 extra bicycles he picked up and we don't need, skis, camping gear. My side has the recycling, the extra freezer, my bike and my daughters bike)

So, help me get over it. He has been good to me and put up with my crap for so long. I've easily drunk that much. I need to let go and let him enjoy it but it is eating at me.

Sigh.

[Captnjack]

Men and their toys - help me get over being angry

Mrs t
IT wont happen grin and bear. The best thing you can do( dont drink for starters) is do your own thing and make sure its right in his face. I dont know exactly but my wife started a bloody book club AHHHHHHH 6 of the finest well read females talking excitedly for hours in our lounge room. I make the tea by the way:upset:. " Hello tea boy fill me up". I like boats she hates them her way of getting back at me LOL. Not perfect but we have been together 18 years so we are giving each other the SHITS equally. I love her to death

Sorry no great ideas but GIVE him something he dislikes back all fair in love and war

Captn

[LVT25]

Men and their toys - help me get over being angry

dear tired,

I can understand how you feel. My hubby loves mc's as well, I kinda feel like you do. He bought a dirt bike last year to use on the farm/ranch.....frightens me, but so do horses.

Now the tables have turned. I got it in my head I wanted a Camaro like I had in High school, found one on e-bay, and bought it. I did ask him first. He's had a bit of an attitude about it--I think it's the money, and the fact that I don't "need" it, and in a way, I think he is embarressed, because it is a guy thing afterall. Our men/mechanic friends are pretty envious.

I offered to buy him a Harley for his 50th B-Day--they are pretty pricey. I wouldn't mind a big bike like that so much, although I would still worry myself sick about it!

I know this probably doesn't help you much, but sometimes, it just takes time to get over the anger. I know with me, it's the having to worry about their safety that I hate!!

Good luck with this one! I agree with Captn--turn about is fair play!

[hart]

Men and their toys - help me get over being angry

I sympathize with hubby getting something you are not crazy about. My hubby rides a motorcyle too, but I happen to love it, but he did go out and buy one of the most expensive trucks he could. Has all the whistles and bells and, especially with him out of work, I'm not thrilled about that. But what are you gonna do? If one complains it will just cause him resentment. Drinking isn't the answer So I do indeed think you will have to bear it. But you don't have to grin. :l

[TiredofHiding]

Men and their toys - help me get over being angry

thanks y'all. I have wracked my brain for something for me . . . . and I just don't need or want anything and can't justify spending the money. I'm getting a new Prius, but that was scheduled and my SUV has 100,000 miles so I think I'm due. I'm not into jewelry, not into electronics or gadgets. Maybe that's the problem - I'm boring!

[Captnjack]

Men and their toys - help me get over being angry

Mrs T think harder you are not boring be daring think harder you must have a secret desire thing.
Shit what have you always wanted to do ?????????? Drop bike loving husband from a great hight. Anything. Come on you can do it now and for christ sake let him know

Captn (you are not trying hard enough)

[petpeeve]

Men and their toys - help me get over being angry

OMG, this thread has me written all over it!!! I agree though, complaining will just make matters worse and the toys will still be around. Lets just say since my SO moved in my car has not seen the inside of the garage for 7 years!! We have to jostle parking spaces to accomodate my kids cars, his truck(s), boat, etc etc...and that's only outside and the garage!!!!

[caseaday]

Men and their toys - help me get over being angry

Dear Tired,

I truly believe that the money spent on the motorcycle and the money spent on AL have absolutetly nothing to do with each other. It appears that you have guilt issues associated with AL and are trying to associate the cost of booze to rationalize why your husband should be able to spend money on the motorcycle. For example, if you spent $3.00 per day to buy a big pastry everyday for one year you would have spent the same amount of money and become grossly over weight. If you went on a diet and lost all that weight do you really think you would be looking back and feeling guilty about the $1000 you spent on pastries? The answer is probably "no". Forget the past guilt feelings about AL as they are just weighing you down.

Now onto the motorcycle...

1. I truly believe that he should have spoken to you about the purchase of the motorcycle as you both have a committment in the relationship to discuss major purchases. I.e. cost of insurance, upkeep, storage, payments, where it is parked, what is the overall cost of owning the bike, etc.

2. However, riding a motorcycle becomes imbedded in ones soul. It is about freedom, the open air, the speed, and the rush. He will have this passion for riding a motorcycle until he decides that it no longer fits into his lifestyle. It is similar to that of a private pilot. I am sure that you have friends or know someone who owns their own airplane. My brother spent $74K on an airplane that feels like it is going to shake itself apart and I refuse to go up with him again. The one time I did go with him I found it to be the most boring yet dangerous thing I have ever done. However, to him it is a hobby that he has so much passion for that if he was to not have a plane an entire part of his life would be missing. The funny thing is that he rarely flies the plane...it sits and collects dust most of the time.

3. I would be careful not to "crush" your husbands spirit for his hobby by getting mad, or getting even, or worse yet being indifferent to the joy that it brings him. It is his momentary escape from the realities of life. That doesn't mean that you have to participate at all and in fact if you did you would be wasting a lot of energy participating in something that you don't want to do. Don't feel that you have to participate, but be supportive of his hobby and don't make him feel guilty for the joy it brings him.

4. Getting into a tit for tat spending war will only create problems. First of all, it is only hiding a deeper issue that you are upset because he did not communicate with you and have the courtesy to "sell" you on why he is really passionate about getting the new motorcycle. I am assuming that you most likely would have said yes at the end of the day, but he should have had to earn support for the purchase. The second issue with the tit for tat spending is that you will most likely buy something you do not need or want. That would be a waste of time and money. I would suggest that you let him know that in the future you will be asking for his support on a purchase that makes you happy...i.e. a monthly spa package, a painting that you run into at an art show, or updating the living room in a new color.
The third issue with tit for tat spending is that it costs a lot of money. Enough said there.

Good luck!

[hippie37]

Men and their toys - help me get over being angry

MARS VENUS!!

LOL!!

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[disapprovingcat]

Men and their toys - help me get over being angry

There's nothing wrong with a grown up buying a new toy as long as you aren't in rough financial shape and are appropriately saving for your retirement. My husband likes his toys, and I have a houseful of boys that are all the same - it really is mars and venus. I am set with my things and activities - but he might be paying for a facelift after I turn 50 :H not so far away dammit!

Seriously, any kind of tit for tat thing is going to backfire so I wouldn't go there. And as for your guilt? Put that in the bucket with your other guilt and regret - you cannot change past behavior, but you can stay on your path today (and tomorrow.)

This is a dangerous toy though, so I would insist that you have a will drawn up and he has life insurance to protect you all should he get in an accident.

[TiredofHiding]

Men and their toys - help me get over being angry

I really have no need to go out and spend money but I just don't like this big ol' honkin' thing. Oh well, he's had one since he was 15 pretty much so why do I think that's going to change? Keep it on his half of the garage and I'll live with it.

Funny you should mention insurance - I told him last night - "well, I have enough insurance on you to pay off the house and not still have your monthly income for approximately 5 years so I guess we're covered." He didn't like that I had thought about it so practically!

I did make an appointment for cut and color today . . needed to but it felt good to think "ha - better not gripe about how much that costs, buddy."

I probably shouldn't have started this thread - but I felt like getting it out this morning. I love the goober and I'll put up with the stupid bike as I have for 12 years now. I just wish it wasn't a flaming red crotch rocket - a grown up bike would have been nice.

[lorisunshine]

Men and their toys - help me get over being angry

Oh dear,
I know about toys. There is a new big Bertha, a little Bertha, a medium one, a new putter, new golf bag, new shoes, half a dozen sweaters, a hard tube for transporting the Berthas on a plane, a golf membership and last but not least numerous trips throughout the year without me.
Well, ladida, I went and bought myself a sports car and no, I didn't ask first. I just asked if he would drive home my old car after picking up the new one. I guess that was a bit of a surprise to my hubby, and no, I didn't need it either. So there!
Think Tired, there must be something funky that you want.
Lori

[Happier]

Men and their toys - help me get over being angry

I'm glad you started this thread. My hubby has motorcycles and snowmobiles for every day of the week. I'm not kidding! He hates crotch rockets but his excuse to go down to the Daytona,FL bike rally was to fly down and buy a Suzuki Hayabusa in Ft. Lauderdale and then drive it to the Daytona rally. He said that he would never ever drive a crotch rocket. He drove it to work today!! His other favorite bike was getting repaired because Boss Hoss's break down all the time so he thought that he would pick up a bike down there. He's leaving tonight for the Laughlin, Nevada bike rally.
A funny story is that my husband is tall and he is not use to riding a crotch rocket and so after riding it so much in Florida he got bursitis. My husband thought he hurt his shoulder snowmobiling but the Dr. said that he most likely got it from the bike. Well my husband and the doctor really hit it off because the Dr. is a big biker and his wife hated that he loved his bikes so much. His wife gave him an ultimatum and said either the bike goes or I go. He chose the bike and has never regretted it because he travels around the world going on different bike tours.

Bikes scare me to death too but he loves them. He got me a trike a few years ago just so I could go biking with him. He said he wasn't taking no for an answer. I don't ride it that much but it makes him happy that we have a hobby together. He already got me snowmobiles but I hit too many trees so he doesn't bother with those anymore. I think I should buy him a pair of running shoes so he can enjoy my hobby of running!

Oh by the way Tired his bikes are flaming orange!!

[IAD]

Men and their toys - help me get over being angry

Tired of...
We all have toys to some degrees ! But play time has to come to an end sometime ! Fantasy need to kick in....Role Play...try it ! ( Desclaimer: I've never done this.....LOL IAD )

[hulagirl]

Men and their toys - help me get over being angry

I don't have any advice or suggestions. Just to share. My hubby must have a guitar for every day of the week. And I have to put up with his "practicing". Some times I am so on edge. The usual stuff, tired from work and still have house work, no drinky, menopausal, trying not to look at the score card of marriage (what I do for you, what do you do for me). Did I mention the golf clubs too? Like his game will get better with new clubs. Hah. At least it gets him out of the house. And i look the other way at the expense. You will never like his new motorcycle. But you will "deal" with it. Marriage is interesting isn't it? There is so much I can not share with my single aquaintances (or married ones either).