Tough Love...take it or leave it.

[bootcampbarbie]

Tough Love...take it or leave it.

my beautiful luv bucket. well, i go back to lenair as well may 20th to conquer other demons. but you'll be happy to know that i've celebrated 120 days honey. so it works and best and others who have gone will say the same. haven't touched it since nor wanted it. freedom honey is around the corner and you'll never look back. which reminds me i owe best a call and buckle too. yes, the good fight will cease to be a fight as you will cease to think about it. i am sure this is considered cheating but who cares. having al out of my life for good is so good you have no idea. like when did i ever have time to drink? i have no idea. oh my god my relationships are just so much better too honey... you are almost there.

[brittzak]

Tough Love...take it or leave it.

AMAN sister! I am good with being called a "cheater"...I will be a sober cheater..lol

[out]

Tough Love...take it or leave it.

what an interesting thread...

actually a little painful. you see I am a fencesitter or really more of a vasolator, some days I am ready to give it up and change and others I am not. this has been a place where i can come and dip my toes in the water. it might not be much, but it is a start and i am hopeful that i will get there when ready. I have posted in the past and I don't think anyone has ever given me a, "Aw, its OK to go have a drink honey" . This has been more of a place of understanding that addictions and compulsions are called addictions and complulsions for a reason. There is about a 95 percent "failure rate" for people trying to abstain. I place that in quotes because I don't think they are failures at all. Most of those people are not needy whiners, although they may be needy and whiney at times. As humans we often are in conflict with ourselves, we are often of a dual nature. A part of us wants to drink water, go to the gym, quit smoking, stop bingeing and be healthy and another part of us wants our drugs and our habits. I fail a lot, if abstaining and moderating are the only measures of suceeding here. I don't follow the program to the letter, but I have made it a point to be more concious of the things that I do and this forum has helped. Is it not Ok that I come here even although I haven't committed to the program? I have recieved a lot of kindness and support here, so I will neither take it or leave it, because i for one don't need the tough love...i just need the love..don't you?

[Janice]

Tough Love...take it or leave it.

I remember we had a similar thread going in February......I remember the date, Tuesday 26th February. I remember because it made me take a long hard look at myself and question my seriousness about kicking this habit. I remember because it was the last day I had a drink.

Yes, I joined last year and did 42 days until 11th June; yes I tried to moderate; yes my Dad died and yes I started drinking again. On the 1st October I tried to stop again and yes I started drinking again after 50+ days. Between December and February I came here most days reading, posting, drinking, and thinking "poor me", .....but what I wasn't doing was opening my eyes and taking a long hard look at myself. How much did I REALLY want to stop this nightmare? How much was I REALLY taking responsibility? I told myself I was, but was I really??? I don't think so.

Two people helped me do that - Chief and......a few days beforehand when I was whining on Starting Out that "moderation is not working for me" was Starlight. I owe them both for my abstinence today. They made me see sense, they made me take myself by the scruff of the neck and get myself sorted...... and I will always be grateful for their "tough love".

Janice
62 Days AF

[Ripple]

Tough Love...take it or leave it.

well...

Laurav;317931 wrote: Thanks for the post Thankful!
It made me thnk of my neighbor who keeps complaing that she needs to lose weigh but turns me down every time I invite her to the gym. She is never going to get in shape until she puts in some effort.

Thats a good one Laura! Turns you down>nice friend, don't ask her anymore.*

OUT>YES, an internal battle within! I am still feeling withdrawl going into 7 months. It pisses me off so bad what i am going through, this truly has to be worst then giving birth! duh.. The good thing is I am organized and look great as i am told, i am afraid to drink, that is one emotion that keeps me off alcohol. I cannot say i will forever remain AF. I will know wot to do if i have to start over and know wot to expect. For now i continue as long as i can. Pay back is a B*TCH.

[Croft]

Tough Love...take it or leave it.

I was thinking alot about all of this the other night and a few words came to me:

"unsupervised virtual rehab"

[Chief]

Tough Love...take it or leave it.

Good post, Thankful.....

As most of you know, I am guilty of using the "tough love" approach, and I have received pm's from members telling me I was too hard on a newbie on more than one occasion....

I've been here for a little over a year, am on day 262 AF, and I have seen people come and go......quit and drink......drink and quit.

I have decided it is not all black and white. We can't expect someone to start the program and never slip. A few may, but the majority don't. I didn't. I started the MWO program 2 times before it finally clicked on the third time. But when I failed the first 2 times, I didn't keep coming here drinking everyday, asking for sympathy, or forgiveness for drinking....
I think we have to look at each individual and determine what they are doing. Are they sincere in their desire to quit drinking? That doesn't mean they have to be not drinking, it means they are serious about wanting to get to a place where everything is lined up in a way to enable them to succeed.....home life, attitude, etc....

I don't want anyone to feel pressured here....and I don't want anyone to be afraid or ashamed to admit "a slip".....slips are acceptable (notice I didn't say O.K.) if you have the honest desire to change your ways.

Those of us who have been around a while can usually tell if someone is genuine in their desire to change....or if they are just using MWO as a social site that gives them all the attention and drama they want whenever they've "slipped again"...

I have never told someone it was o.k. when they slipped....because it is not. It happens, but that doesn't mean it's o.k.....

My 2 cents worth....

Don

[cowgal]

Tough Love...take it or leave it.

unsupervised virtual rehab! That is what this is, what a good point! We are each here to find our personal, unique WAY OUT!! Whatever that may be......................always a kind word from me, no judgement here, for I am DEFINITELY no saint, know this stuff can eventually kill us if we aren't serious, but each of us needs to get to the point of being sick and tired of being sick and tired enough to try to get help.

Just MY two cents worth!

love, tolerence and peace.:l:h


MA

[Ripple]

Tough Love...take it or leave it.

oh noo!

"unsupervised virtual rehab" You are on your own! Don't believe eveything you read! Post with caution..:exclamation:

[Palatia]

Tough Love...take it or leave it.

Thank you for voicing my own thoughts.. .. I have also been thinking this. I think you're right in that we are enabling others when we say.. "it's okay". It's okay only if we get back on that horse and ride, right?

Hey.. I have Not been perfect either. I do know I continually learn in sobriety.. what my triggers are etc.

There is a difference between tough love and downright nastiness though. Tough love is 'love' .. it's okay. Sometimes that's what we need to hear. My son is good at tough love :l , thank God. I find it difficult in the forums and especially in chat when someone is actually posting while drinking.. that's not even after the fact, it's during. This makes it more difficult for those of us trying to abstain..

Thanks for pointing this out Thankful..

[gelgit]

Tough Love...take it or leave it.

Yes, thanks to Thankful. I have one thought to add other than that I agree and that is:

Why I keep reading all the forums. Because, it makes we realize that I am nobody special. I don't have unique problems or talents. I'm right in step with a warehouse of humanity struggling along. My goals are not special and my pain is not unshared. My guilts are not unforgivable and my aspirations are not impossible. I would not dare to be judgmental of any posting as it might as well have been written by me. All of MWO has given me a clarity and understanding of that "state" of life I am striving for and I'm going to keep on reading and offering whatever I can give back :h

[Thankful]

Tough Love...take it or leave it.

Thank you everybody. A bit too many for me to respond to personally, but I want to say that I appreciate everyone's thoughts and value your opinions.

It's so much nicer here when we have an open honest discussion vs a war and nastiness. I don't think we need to be "supervised". We just need to respect each others opinions whether we agree with them or not.


Love, Me
:l

[Ripple]

Tough Love...take it or leave it.

Its ME!

correction: my mention of not fitting in behind screen communitys was about: behind the BOARD-not the screen itself and contents of posts and topics..underground communications, like Orange told me Violet was a bitch to Red, that kinda stuff. Did you know Blackie said Brownie called so and so a liar. NO way? Pinkie was drunk tonite on chat! Purple, watch of her..all this colorful stuff is wot i meant..thank you..Ripple.

[bootcampbarbie]

Tough Love...take it or leave it.

oh you mean as it is really hard to understand for me at least, understand what you are saying. lol so what you are saying is. you mean people gossip to you about one another and you don't want to do that? well, that's easy enough to understand. well, i have a "no gossip" zone and one on my office door. that makes life simple. peace out ripple.

[Chief]

Tough Love...take it or leave it.

For what it's worth.....I have never experienced that kind of gossip here on MWO......any pm's I have received concerning another member was sent only with concern......no malice what so ever....

Don