Sorry for the tone

[out]

I posted early this morning and said the things I wanted to say...mostly that I think I need to look at the benefits drinking provides me and try to find them elsewhere, because focusing on the negatives hasn't helped me. I reread my post and realized my tone was sarcastic and sharp...I was kinda thinking out loud. I sometimes have difficulty with tone in a post or an e-mail, so my apologies for that. take care all.

[bootcampbarbie]

Sorry for the tone

hello out. i didn't see the post. but i agree. starting to look at what life is like by removing the substance is an excellent way to strengthen resolve. since i'm sober i'm now doing that with the cigs.. and i'm coming up with a huge list. as i know not drinking is a huge list of pluses now that i don't. oh my god. huge...... so what's your list of all the ways you'd be and things you would be doing and let's not forget how you won't be irrational or crazy either. lmao. um well it seems to be that substance abuse has us thinking in odd ways

[out]

Sorry for the tone

Thanks for asking

Below is a list of some of the things alcohol does for me and some of the ways I am trying to do things differently. I had been effectively moderating for a while and had been proud of my choices, but had a few good binges in the last 2 weeks...including last night. I think sometimes that I can't tolerate the feeling good about my choices part of myself, because it doesn't jive with the internal standard I have of myself. Anyway...

What AL does...
it stops obsessive thoughts, sometimes for several days after "a night"
>>I have been in cognative behavioral therapy for a while and it is helping me cope better with this, but it has also made it more stressful, which makes me want to drink sometimes.

it allows me to relax, emotionally and physically with a partner
>>this one may be too big and too personal to disscuss in detal on the board

it relieves loneliness
>>I need more activities, friends and touch in my life and most of all spiritual connection.

it relives boredom
it relives the ?F? word...fear

>>boredom and fear go together in a weird way for me. I am too afraid to do and be successful that I sometimes choose to do nothing. I have no solution at the moment for this other than acceptance

it provides companionship and camaraderie at bars etc
>>I am gay and this is a big part of my social life and a place where I can be safe being who I am and with who I am with. I need to find other activities, community centers, movie nights etc. While I still have my issues with drink, I stopped hanging out with a really good friend of mine when ALL she ever wanted to do is go to the bars. I have to apprieciate that for me it is not all that I want to do at this point in my life. I have a lot of talents and interests outside of drinking vodka.


it allows me at least temporarily to be in touch with and address feelings I can't touch otherwise
>>sometimes I need a good cry and can't do it without the drink. this is also getting better with the therapy


no person is loving and kind ALL the time, (not even me, ha)...alcohol provides a constant
it gives me a social outlet
>>i need to learn better how to cope when people dissapoint me. I am practicing mindfulness, sometimes successfully and sometimes not, but I keep bringing myself back and I can keep doing it.

when I feel good, I feel bad...tonight?s issue, too hard to explain in a soundbite
>>this is my life's core issue, accepting it at the moment is better than trying to change it


it allows me to indulge my love of cooking and parties in a way where everyone is warmed and welcome and included
>>I could do this without so much wine.

it is something to talk about...almost anything is worth a good story
>>i can bond with my friends over other things

there are many other reasons too personal to post on a forum, but I think I am trying now to get some of these needs/wants addressed in other ways.

I actually got a script for Topa a while back, held onto it out of fear and then worked up the courage to try it. I took one dose and nearly fainted the next day in a coffee house downtown the next day. I am willing to try it again, but I must say...that really freaked me out.


Whatever I do or don't do around drink I can remind myself to excercise, drink plenty of water, do fun things and love myself. a lot of tears right now, thanks for listening.

[Marshy]

Sorry for the tone

Hi Out,

A lot of these reasons - fear, boredom, lack of confidence etc - strike a chord with me, and I'm sure they do with others too.

It's an interesting idea to examine each one and identify an alternative approach. It sounds as though it's helping you make positive progress. I'm gonna give it a go!

[bootcampbarbie]

Sorry for the tone

okay, i'm going to take each one of these apart and share from my own perspective. and this isn't the truth. this is just me sharing from my own perspective and me sharing from being sober 4 months and having had 9 years sobriety in the past. so that's it. not the truth... just my perspective.
you wrote: what alcohol does for me. honestly i must say though and i have so much compassion because reading your list sounds like a lover in which you know you shouldn't love, isn't good to you, but you just can't stop really being in love with. so here we go
stops you from obsessing over thoughts you've had for days and months. what i found for myself is that alcohol affectived when i was and WASN'T drinking. so, it affected me the entire time of my Obsession. so, obsessive thoughts became confused and muddled when i added in alcohol and i came up with solutions that clear thinking would have provided me different solutions for. thus, obsessive thoughts what i determined for myself is my mind thinking. since i've determined that i have a mind and am not only my mind then it has thoughts. if there are things troubling me, especially if something is going to send me over the edge, i look to see what kind of clear stress relievers can i use to get a CLEAR perspective on things.
deep breathing, 10 times, writing it all down, a walk, talking it out with an objective mind, a bath, a friend, nothing at all. how can i prevent myself from moving things to the point of escalation. maybe something don't need to be moved forward at all. maybe what i need to do is look to see if the thing i'm obsessing about has anything to do with what i'm really committed to in my life, anything i'm enjoying or want in my life. you know like is it going to forward any of my goals. if it isn't, then is this thing a. none of my business b. gossip which is clearly none of my business c. not on purpose there for back to a. none of my business. if it isn't moving my life in the direction i'm moving, then i don't want to do it.
how many times and i asked myself this has alcohol had me do things and go places and create projects friends dramas etc that had nothing to do with what was really important to me? so, can i live with life being the a. no drama zone b. peaceful c.making choices that make a difference for me and those that i love. so i shall start with that. love bootsie

[Guest]

Sorry for the tone

I found AL provided relief from my obsessions etc but they would return even worse after a few days. Often my obsessions would also end up being fed by the after effects of a drinking session. A good example is my fitness regime - drinking meant I couldn't adhere to my planned training sessions, or would certainly detract from them. I would therefore try to train more and harder to compensate - I would become obsessed with the next session that I MUST fit in. It was also a losing battle since AL poisons your muscles, and my fitness would ebb away slowly eventually.

I too believe AL gave me confidence with my lover(s) - but my heavy drinking actually meant the relationship between myself and my partner(s) became rocky and the trust/love bond broke down. So all that held us together would be just that - the sex which became infrequent once the love became lost.

Bonding over a drunk doesn't really happen. It feels like it does since your barriers are down. What tended to happen for me was a load of hot air was exchanged - period. Ever listened to two tipsy/drunk persons talking? Its more often than not quite boring and pointless. Words from a sober mouth mean so much more and are more likely to be understood as well as remembered.

Sorry to sound so harsh, but these are all very common misconceptions a lot of us have probably had - and some non-alcoholic folk perpetuate too.

[out]

Sorry for the tone

thanks bootsie

that was very helpful. Espescially the thinking through if the thing you are obsessing about and question whether it is serving you.

I do think of my use of alcohol very much as a relationship...at least I have been more and more aware of that over time. how many of us, myself included have stayed in a dysfunctional relationship much longer than was healthy? i know I have stayed because of habit, stubborness, because sometimes it felt really really good, because i was afraid to be without it etc and it is helpful to me to view my drinking in the same manner.

There have been times when I drank as much, even more than I do now and it wasn't a problem for me. There have been times where I drank as I do now and hated myself for it. Now I am just trying to look at it and accept it as is for the moment and decide from this more calm place what to do about it.

I had gone sober for about 13 years in my past. I have to admit that is some ways my life is infinitly better now. But the drinking has been becoming a weight and a compulsion. I don't like to be ruled by anything...very rebellious I am -) I am hopeful I will sort it out over time. thanks again.

[Guest]

Sorry for the tone

I have just spent the evening experiencing a very bad, strong craving. That was through an AA meeting too!

I just spent the last 2 hours reminding myself how awful I would feel if I drank, how it would affect my life and how it would influence my thoughts and feelings as a whole. I then thought how sick I would be since I know I would not just have one - more like 20! I also thought about why I wanted the drink - to escape having to go to college tomorrow. I think it's about avoiding responsibility, I had to remind myself how confident I have been since stopping and how much I have achieved so far.

I got home safely and am going to bed worn out now. End of day 51.

:goodjob:

[Thankful]

Sorry for the tone

Out, sorry you are having such a tough time today.

You don't need to apologize for your tone. I read your other post, word for word earlier this morning. I didn't see anything that came off as "sarcastic and sharp". I saw a lot of pain. But more importantly I saw a proud strong person who knows how to hold her head high.

I didn't respond to the other post, because I felt you were looking for people to hold a discussion on the benefits of alcohol (correct me if I'm wrong). I just felt that I could not take part in that discussion. I didn't want to start "liking" any benefits if you know what I mean.

I hope you feel better soon. I'm glad you are here talking it out.

Love, Me
:l

[out]

Sorry for the tone

UKblonde...

Sounds like you are doing a great job reminding yourself how you would feel tomorrow if you had a binge...why do I almost always forget that? It can be hard when we are exauhsted and want to relieve or avoid something. You are just fine and lovely with or without a craving...you will be OK...warm some milk with honey, have a nice bath..we'll tuck you in later. Sleep with the angels and come back in the morning. And you didn't sound harsh earlier, just honest. Whether what I think alcohol gives me are falsehoods...I still want to look at them and find other ways of getting the same things. Thanks

[out]

Sorry for the tone

Thanks, thankful

I apprieciate your reply. I sometimes can't tell how I sound in a post or e-mail so thanks for the feedback. Yes, I was talking about the benefits of alcohol....but not as a self sell on it or as an encouragement to do it, but as a way to start thinking about why I continue to indulge in destructive behavior...it is because it provides some benefit or i wouldn't do it. Some of the benefits i am aware of some not. I want to find alternatives to meeting the needs that booze has and so I want to look at the needs. I can understand why you wouldn't want to go there, different things work for different people...i think i just may be one of those wonky people who has to do everything the opposite in order to get results-)

[Sunbeam]

Sorry for the tone

Hello, Out,
Thank you for this prespective. Making that list of why I hate drinking really worked for me, but it is clear that your issue with alcohol is much more complex. My over-indulgence only began in recent years, and that's pretty different from someone who has had the AL script over most of their lifetime. I appreciate the opportunity to understand others here. Another example of how different we all are, and why each needs to find their own path.

[out]

Sorry for the tone

Hello sunshine

Sometimes listing the things i don't like are helpful too. Occasionally I can talk myself out of a binge if I think about the hangover the next day. They have gotten worse as I got older.

There are good things happening. I don't binge when I have to work the next day, I don't drive after drinking..EVER. I make better choices more now than I did before in relation to alcohol and I thought I would never want to give up ciggs. I mean I did want to, just couldn't see myself without them and that isn't a reality yet, but it is finally a possibility to me to see myself without them. My desire to stop has been largely motivated by my fear of the health risks, but my envisioning the possibility of being smoke free comes from feeling better about myself. I think envisioning myself a light drinker or a non drinker will come from that place too. Blessings from the God or Goddess of your choosing.