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    #1

    The sane drinking to deal with the insane...

    Can anyone relate to this? I am married (20 years) to a very flamboyant bipolar, successful (to the nth degree) entrepeneur. The way he acts and the way he dresses really makes me wonder if he is gay. If anyone can relate to this please PM me because I'm not sure what I'm dealing with....we all joke that he is a metrosexual, yada yada, but it gets to a point where something is just not right. My husband is a handful!!!

    I really am wondering if he is gay on top of this bipolar/dissociative disorder crap.....running with scissors, it's my life!
    Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
    - George Jackson
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    #2
    The sane drinking to deal with the insane...

    If you think he is gay, he probably is. it is neither a good thing or a bad thing it just is what it is. After 20 years I'd hope that you have shared so much of life's experiences that you are best friends. No matter what. Sounds like you two have had a lot of fun together, along with the confusing "down" times. The only experience I can share is having a daughter that is gay. We all have feelings, emotions, relationships...human-ness.
    sigpic

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      #3
      The sane drinking to deal with the insane...

      I know people who got married young not realising they were gay; people who married knowing they were gay but were not able to deal with it; a friend who's gay and married a woman who knew he was gay because it suited them both for various reasons etc etc. All sorts of combinations go on behind closed doors.

      So if he is gay, how would you feel? Would you still want to be with him? Would he want to stay with you? Are there kids, finances etc to consider?

      Then again, maybe he's straight. Are you focusing on this because there are problems and this seems like an 'obvious' reason?
      Can you ask him about it? The only person who actually knows.... is him.
      sigpic
      AF since December 22nd 2008
      Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

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        #4
        The sane drinking to deal with the insane...

        Myheart ~ I've got to agree with Hulagirl. If you have been married to him for 20 years, you probably already know the answer. If you think he is, then well most likely he is. This seems like something you have been thinking about for a while, huh? There has to be a pattern of things that you have noticed.

        Is there anyway you can talk to him about it? How are you feeling through all of this?

        We are here for you.

        Love, Me
        :l
        Alcohol is simply the device between success and failure.

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          #5
          The sane drinking to deal with the insane...

          I know people who got married young before they realised they were gay, and people who got married knowing deep down that they were gay but couldn't deal with. And then time goes by and maybe kids come along, finances get entwined, they don't want to rock the boat or hurt their spouse...

          Can you talk to him about it? He's the only one who really knows.
          sigpic
          AF since December 22nd 2008
          Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

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            #6
            The sane drinking to deal with the insane...

            Oh....My Heart, this is really a tough one. I agree, that sometimes "we just know", things, way before they come to light. Your relationship with your husband seems so very complicated. Have you thought of seeing a therapist about all of this? It sounds like you have a lot to sort through. Just remember, this is your life too, you deserve to enjoy your life, whatever that takes!

            I wish you comfort and love,
            XX Kate
            A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes~Cinderella

            AF 12/6/2007

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              #7
              The sane drinking to deal with the insane...

              Dear My Heart,

              I read your post earlier in the day. I have been thinking about you off and on and wanted to come back to say, I agree with you and the others that we "just know". So, it is for that reason that I want to offer you hugs and support. What ever happens, it will be OK. And eventually, it will be fine.

              This sounds like a dumb post, maybe that is why I have been pondering over your situation. Just don't know what to say. Just, I care.

              Love - Best
              "It wasn't all I wanted, but all I could stand!":bigwink: Alcohol free since April 8, 2008

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                #8
                The sane drinking to deal with the insane...

                Dear MyHeart,

                Does it matter to you if he is gay? Will you take any specific action if you find out he is?

                Just curious.

                Like everyone else, I suspect your may be right and it may be part of his problems if he is trying to suppress it.

                He may not be gay, so much as bi?

                Geez, he might be completely hetero and just have a more effeminate side!! I have known several men like that and they do send mixed signals.

                I don't know!

                I just hope you are okay!!

                Love,
                Cindi
                AF April 9, 2016

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                  #9
                  The sane drinking to deal with the insane...

                  I have to sat Ditto to best .......

                  I kept coming back to this and wasn't quite sure what to say .....

                  Are you happy in your life with him????? If so then there isn't a problem .....

                  Sending you big BB hugs ...........

                  :l:l:l
                  sigpicXXX

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                    #10
                    The sane drinking to deal with the insane...

                    Hmmm.... I can say that I empathize with you. My late husband was severely depressed and was bi-sexual. Although he never pursued being with a man while married to me, he did partake on several occasions with his ex wife - threesomes and such. UGH. I did NOT know this until recently. My late husband was a very complex man with many issues.

                    It is tough. I have no real advise for you. Just know that I am thinking of you..

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                      #11
                      The sane drinking to deal with the insane...

                      hold on.

                      yes..tho shall relate..same in many repects for me. Mine too is a successful entrepeneur (with my HELP) has Bio-polar and Depressed. An emotional anger-full SOB. I have thought of him to be gay at times. High standards this man has and acts like Mr. Charming around people...only if they knew, very few like this man. Insane, it used to be for me, not any more now that i don't particiapte in fights or partying with him. Living with a difficult person can really drive you OFF the edge. Not going there anymore. NOPE. :h

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                        #12
                        The sane drinking to deal with the insane...

                        Wow, Thanks for all of your replies, they really made me think and somehow while reading them I thought of cross dressers, that seems to describe it a little better. He might be supressing his desire to do that. I mean the clothes he wears are unbelievable, he dresses like a gay man. I have asked him if he was gay and he said he wasn't without flinching but I now remember one time I said I wouldn't like it if my husband were a cross dresser (or whatever you call it) and his face looked disturbed. It was the look on his face that said it all. I guess bipolars are flamboyant personalities in general but this is over the top. I wouldn't leave him or stop loving him if he were bi or a cross dresser just bummed out I guess. To me it would be kind of like being told your house has termites or something, LOL, what ya gonna do? Anyway, I noticed sometimes when his "mentalness" gets to me I start drinking to handle it.....probably because it's a thing I have to keep secret. This makes coming here anonymously priceless. What would I do without you guys :l

                        Thanks for listening and caring,

                        Myheart
                        Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
                        - George Jackson

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                          #13
                          The sane drinking to deal with the insane...

                          That's what this is all about. Pouring out our innerds to others who understand. And getting support from only those who know exactly what we are going through! Hugs, Hugs, Hugs!

                          Best
                          "It wasn't all I wanted, but all I could stand!":bigwink: Alcohol free since April 8, 2008

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