A bitter-sweet Sunday.
Last Sunday I was in the process of re-arranging a spare bedroom in anticipation of some weekend visitors. While I was emptying out an old wall unit that is way past it?s prime, I also had to move, what I could call ?My life in a cardboard box?. I went through hundreds of photos, discarding people I don?t remember, fuzzy shots, doubles and just anything that I could live without. In the end, I must have thrown away about 20 pounds of Kodak moments.
While many of these pictures brought back wonderful memories of the many miles stones of my beautiful daughter, family and friends, it also showed me the devastating decline of one person. ?Me?. Today, I hardly recognize myself in the mirror, and I am not talking about the normal aging process over many decades. No, I am talking about the ravages of alcoholism over the past 25 or so years. I wanted to weep for that beautiful soul that I once was, but I am beyond weeping. I wondered about the hopes and dreams, the joy and laughter, the wit and spontaneity that have all gone by the wayside. I was a truly happy child and could find delight in the smallest thing. I want and need me back, or there is no sense in going on and vegetating in this miserable existence.
I knew then with absolute clarity that something has to change and there is no time to loose and I must act and save me from myself.
Today, I have signed up with Rhonda Lenair and I got an appointment for June 9. That is the earliest date available. When I got off the phone, my hands shook so hard that I could not possibly type. I am so scared and exhilarated at the same time and I can hardly wait for June.
Thank you to all my friends here at MWO (and you know who you are), for giving me the courage to take just one more step in the right direction. Thank you for your immediate support and for caring so much. I will never forget what you did for me.
Love,
Scaredlori.
Last Sunday I was in the process of re-arranging a spare bedroom in anticipation of some weekend visitors. While I was emptying out an old wall unit that is way past it?s prime, I also had to move, what I could call ?My life in a cardboard box?. I went through hundreds of photos, discarding people I don?t remember, fuzzy shots, doubles and just anything that I could live without. In the end, I must have thrown away about 20 pounds of Kodak moments.
While many of these pictures brought back wonderful memories of the many miles stones of my beautiful daughter, family and friends, it also showed me the devastating decline of one person. ?Me?. Today, I hardly recognize myself in the mirror, and I am not talking about the normal aging process over many decades. No, I am talking about the ravages of alcoholism over the past 25 or so years. I wanted to weep for that beautiful soul that I once was, but I am beyond weeping. I wondered about the hopes and dreams, the joy and laughter, the wit and spontaneity that have all gone by the wayside. I was a truly happy child and could find delight in the smallest thing. I want and need me back, or there is no sense in going on and vegetating in this miserable existence.
I knew then with absolute clarity that something has to change and there is no time to loose and I must act and save me from myself.
Today, I have signed up with Rhonda Lenair and I got an appointment for June 9. That is the earliest date available. When I got off the phone, my hands shook so hard that I could not possibly type. I am so scared and exhilarated at the same time and I can hardly wait for June.
Thank you to all my friends here at MWO (and you know who you are), for giving me the courage to take just one more step in the right direction. Thank you for your immediate support and for caring so much. I will never forget what you did for me.
Love,
Scaredlori.
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