Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

[Kiri]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hi All. Yes, I am just finishing up day 35 now and feeling very good. Still on Topa 25 plus melatonin 3 mg at bedtime if I need it. I went to beach this weekend and did not need any melatonin. I have always slept better there and am thinking of moving there some day in next few years if it can be managed. It is wonderful to feel free to consider all plans as possible rathere than the jail of booze. My plan is permanent, lifelong, complete abstinence.
good luck to all of you.I shall check in fromtime to time
Kiri

[ownbestfriend]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

My counsellor told me to be very wary of the 'I have done so well AF maybe I can moderate'. She reckons it's a mind trick to get us back to that alcohol=reward circuit. I tried that one! I wish I could moderate. I love my wine and start to pine after a few AF days. I tell myself it is all under control and I can moderate then a few days later I am back to over-drinking. So go easy on the 'I have this beast tamed'. From one trickster ...

[Wooflet]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Congratulations Kiri, that's excellent :goodjob: You sound so committed to your plan, I'm sure you'll succeed.

Thanks for the advice myown, I do fear that my thoughts of moderation may be a mind game I'm playing with myself. Part of me says don't go there, and another part says I'll only find out if I give it a try. I guess I'll see how I go once I've actually reached the 30 days, which is in three days time. You've reminded me to seek my counsellor's view on this too - thanks!

Wooflet x

[Peanut]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

wild wednesday

Hey everybody,
Feeling like crap today. I have to get back on track!!!! Yeesh - I am so weak!!! Contemplating the Topa route in a serious way!! Contemplating also another attempt of an AF month - maybe June??? I will stop at the medi-clinic on the way home and see if I can talk to my doctor. What the heck is the use of having a family doctor is you can't see them when you need to??? I am not as nervous about ordering it on line, but I think it takes a while to arrive, and I need nelp now!!! Not in 4-6 weeks!! So, here I am - starting over. I wouldn't call it a binge, but yes - one night of drinking surely does lead to several more. That wine seems to have a strangle hold on me!

It is so good to hear how well so many of you are doing. Maybe part of the problem is this obsessing about drinking - always thinking about it. I wish I could just forget about it, not count days, etc...... Time to step back and relax!! And start with the L-glut again!!! I have some with me at work today.

I hope this beautiful hump day brings success to each and everyone of you!!!
Have a wild wednesday!
Peanut

[Wooflet]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hi Peanut

It is great that you're thinking about committing to an AF month - I truly believe that it helps to have at least 30 days AF even if moderation is your goal. BUT, in the meantime please stop being so hard on yourself. You are NOT weak. You've had many AF days this month and made huge strides in your quest to beat Al. If you read the success stories on this site you'll see that many people don't quite get there on the first attempt.

The fact that you're still here and still trying is a really big deal, so please give yourself credit for that.

Good luck with the Dr and Topa.

Love
Wooflet x

[Peanut]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Thanks Wooflet,
I will keep trying - my doctor is not in today, but will be tomorrow, and so I left her a message about what I want to talk to her about. I do wonder what she will think...... Somebody just posted that their doctor said No to the topa -I wonder if my doc will have the same reaction. Plus, I am still unsure about it. You have done your AF May without the meds, haven't you?? I do wonder if it really helps all that much more, compared with only using Kudzu and L-Glut. Such mixed reactions from all the different people here.

Kiri - what's your experience with the Topa?? I know UKBlonde didn't like it to much. But if it really works, maybe I can put up with the side effects, at least to help get me through a 30day period!

NTC - your diet sounds wonderful!!! Lately, I've been having images of cheesecake dancing around my head!! I'm trying to lose weight, but have really noticed that the drinking I did on the weekend put me right back where I started from - well, not quite, but almost!! Grrrr..... Kinda pissed off with myself!!

OK - back to work!
xoxo Peanut

[Happier]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Peanut,
I see that you have Topa questions. In all honesty, the topa didn't cut down my consumption of AL a whole lot. I do notice that if I do drink when taking topa I start repeating things and
it is quite scary. Even when I am not drinking I can be at a loss for words. They call it topa dopa for a reason. Plus, I tend to have a lot of mood swings taking topa. But this is just me taking it. Every one is so different. I never got that metallic taste like a lot of people get with carbonated drinks either. So maybe that is why drinks still tasted good to me.
A lot of people seem to be having success with campral and that may be something to look into also.
Hope this helps!

[ntcentral]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Oh guys, I may be in a mini-trouble situation. My husband, who has been so amazingly supportive, just left for a bike ride. It's a lovely evening right now, after our having non-stop rain here for what seems days and days. Oh, also it is our oldest daughter's b-day today so we are planning on going out to dinner as a family to the restaurant of her choice later tonight, after she returns from hanging out with her friends. Here's the kicker: Right before he left he said, "You've gone over thirty days now (he's not counting the slip in Nashville). How about having one of those reds from the basement when I come back?"

Of course I said, "GREAT IDEA". (Everyone out there please yell in unison, "STUPID IDEA," and maybe I'll hear you through cyber space transmission)

As I think I have mentioned in earlier posts, we started collecting what for us are expensive red wines several months ago. When I made the decision to go AF, I just couldn't bring myself to give them away. I got rid of all of the hard liquor and the cheap wine. We used to store the good wines up here in a wine rack. I remember as I put them down in the basement thinking, "out of sight, out of mind." In my dreams (and yes, they do make appearance in my dreams).

He's out riding right now. My thought process in this conversation was yeah, I have gone a month plus, not counting the slip and there is no other alcohol in the house other than the expensive stuff down in the basement and if we only open one bottle of wine the worst that I can do is drink half of it. For me, half a bottle of wine amounts to diddly squat. Or at least a month ago, I could consume half a bottle of wine and still perform long division in my head. But now a part of my is hollering, "No! No! No!", and another part is coaxing, "Hey, why not?", and a third part is whispering, "Let's see now....we'll have half a bottle here...at the restaurant you can safely order at least two glasses of chardonnay without raising anyone's eyebrows.....once we're back home you can say you want to run to the store and buy ice cream, after all, no one at home is going to question your sweet cravings given all you've been chowing down on lately....we can get something there and you can bring it home and then quietly drink it in the bathtub and no one will know and..." Alll those tricks I know oh so well are percolating up into my consciousness.

I'm feeling pretty weak at the moment.

Peanut...one good thing that's happen in the past month of almost golden abstinence is that I've dropped about five pounds without trying, even given the surge in my sugar intake. That of course bespeaks the amount of AL I was consuming, since all the loss is solely due to the decrease in calories I'm taking in thanks to not drinking. I suppose at night I have cut back on food consumption simply because sometimes I don't feel like eating much. It's kind of a grieving process. Also, I've been taking Naltrexone, which has had the effect of decreasing my appetite markedly. I can't say just how it's affected my AL cravings (would I be thinking of red wine right now if it were truly working??)---in some ways I think any effect is a placebo effectl---but it does have this one side effect and as far as I can tell, no other ones. I feel as mentally sharp on the drug as I do off of it. You might ask your MD about it.

Good evening to all, maybe I'll check in later tonight. NTC

[Peanut]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hmmm....

NTC!

I see you are in a bit of a pickle!!!
I will be interested in how you make out - keep us posted. I really can't give any advise, as I have a feeling I know what direction I would go, given my recent weakness in this area. If you are worried about getting into something you can't handle, and your scenario is the most probably outcome - Don't Do It!!
Let hubby drink it.

I'll be thinking about you!
Peanut

[Wooflet]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Oh dear NTC decisions, decisions. I guess from what I'm hearing it sounds like it will be all or nothing for you tonight, ie you won't drink at all or you'll polish off a bottle or more. If that is the case then if it were me I would consciously decide which one to go with, rather than deluding myself that I would stop at half a bottle or whatever (not that I'm saying you're deluding yourself, just hypothesising). If you're ok with having a big drink tonight then go ahead and enjoy it - nothing wrong with that. If not, perhaps you could explain to your wonderful husband that you're not quite ready for one of those reds just yet - it sounds like he'd understand. Whatever you decide have a wonderful evening and let us know how you go.

Peanut, I did do this without meds, but I guess everyone is different. The main reason for me not trying Topa or anything else is that meds often have weird effects on me. I did heaps of reading on them though, and it really does seem as though some swear by Topa, others say it helps but they can't stand the side effects, and still others say it makes no difference. I guess it's worth a try. Not sure if how much you're used to drinking has anything to do with it - if it helps, I was drinking about a bottle of wine a night (750ml).

Wooflet x

[Loppy lugs]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hi all,

Coming to the end of day 29 for me. I have known all along that this has to be total abstinence so when I finish this 30 I shall start another 30.

Has been a real rollercoaster for me. My emotions have been all over the place. I am exhausted and asleep all the time ( I used to only sleep a few hours a night) and since I have been comfort eating I have put on 12 pounds. That is an incredible amount of food I am pushing down.

I still haven't managed to find a counsellor but I'll keep looking. On the plus side the Hypno cds were waiting for me when I got home from work. I hope they will help.

I haven't taken topa but have been on the antabuse which has been key to me remaining sober. I have an appointment with the doc on Tuesday and I really hope she agrees to refil my script. Taking antabuse means that alcohol cannot be an option for 4 or 5 days so it is never the solution to whatever the current problem or temptation. However I don't think there is a drug to stop me substituting food!

This site has also been instrumental, a place to come for advice and sometimes just a little sympathy. And a load of laughs on many occassions. I'm looking forward to another month of it.

So NTC what happened with the bottle of quality red?

Peanut this will probably sound all wrong but your little slips have helped keep me on the straight and narrow. The month you have had is where I would have been without the drugs except I probably would have fallen off the wagon and not bothered getting back on.

Hope you all achieve your objectives. My goal is to learn how to use the chat rooms.

[Thankful]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hello all. So sorry I have not been on in awhile. I have been a bit out of sorts lately (still AF though!). There has been so much sad news lately and my life has just been a bit?.hell I can?t even describe it myself. Anyway, I will do better!! I will snap myself out of this!! I think part of it is because I have skipped too many supps lately. Especially the ones I take at night that are suppose to help stabilize my moods. I have no idea why other than I seem to be forgetting to take them. That?s no excuse and I am committed to doing better.

So how are my Sober Living buddies doing? That was a lot a reading to get caught up on!

Wooflet ~

Sorry I've not been around for a bit. I'm going fine with the AF plan (on day 20 today, yay) but been feeling a bit "blah". Also felt that I needed to stop thinking about not drinking and "just do it", which meant staying away from here for a bit. But I feel bad 'cos it's like I'm letting the team down by not being here to share/offer support/pass it on. Have any of you felt like this?

I can totally understand that being away from here for a bit is exactly what we need sometimes. I feel like I have been away forever. I too feel guilty when I do it too and we really shouldn?t feel like this. We have to do what is best for us. If we don?t take care of ourselves then we can not help others. It?s hard not to think about AL if we are here every single day. Some people do need to be here everyday, but others do not. You have to find your way. You are making wonderful strides and progress. And on that note....

Congrats on your AF days!!! You read the title "Sober Living" and you took the ball and ran with it! I am so proud of you! As far as your mod thoughts, I understand this all too well also. I had myself in such a state of obsession that I couldn?t think of anything else. I kept thinking well I made it to 30 days so it?s ok to drink right? I?m allowed aren?t I??? Well, I kept putting it off out of fear. Now, I?m not saying you shouldn?t mod. This is a personal choice that only you can make for yourself. I just want to offer that if there are any doubts in your mind about whether you should then please listen to your gut feeling. Only mod when you know you are ready, not just cause the calendar deems it ok. You?ve worked so hard for what you?ve achieved. Be proud of yourself!!!

Loopy ~ I?m so glad you enjoyed the London meet up. When I was in the beginning stages of sobriety I was very lethargic and exhausted all the time. Take this with a grain of salt though, as I was also very sick with bronchitis. But it took a long time for me to get any energy and I really feel that the supplements did the trick. I find many people here only take the meds and supps that affect cravings but they are not bothering to take the additional supps that AL has depleted from our bodies. What are you taking for supps? Maybe we can help you figure something out. I hope your elderflower battle wounds have healed by now.


NTC ~ Congrats on 25 yrs, my dear! It gives us single people some hope that relationships can work! Lol Sorry your anniversary celebration didn?t goes as planned. It is hard to get rid of the idea that we can?t celebrate without AL. But that?s just a vicious lie we have told ourselves throughout the years and it?s high time we stopped. Great job making it through the book club AF. I think it?s a little funny that the book club members would drink anyway. I never can remember what I read when I drink. I always had to go back and re-read chapters after drinking. BTW - I?m a sober slug too! Sugar cravings are a battle for all of us when we give up AL. All AL no matter what form turns into pure sugar in our bodies. When we rid ourselves of AL, the sugar cravings start. I try to allow my self the small portions (Hershey?s Minis or Kisses). But some nights this turns into a feast. I too need help in this department but that is what?s going on with our bodies. I am looking into a new supplement to help avoid the sugar cravings. When I find one, I'll post about it.

And just what is hubby thinking??? I hope you didn't give in to peer pressure. Stick to your guns. Only you will know if and when you will be ready. You have to make these decisions for yourself. Tell him as mush as you appreciate his past support, you can be to easily pushed by the power of persuasion and he needs to give you more time. He needs to be prepared to the fact that you may love your AF life style and never drink again.

Ollie ~ I hope you are feeling better. How are things your way?

Wakeup mom ~

I did however wake this morning and AL was not the first thing i thought about.It was the second!!That is a little progress.
Progress indeed! It is those little victories that we pick up on that can really give us the boost we need to keep going. Always look and reflect on them. It is a huge help.

Peanut ~ Have those headaches gotten any better? It seems funny thinking that getting up early and getting chores done is a real treat for us, but I totally agree. Lol It is a nice feeling. I am sorry that you had such a struggle at the house warming party. I have to say when I spent the past hour trying to catch up on everyone?s posts, I was feeling really worried about your posts of moderation. Kind of thought that you might have been trying to mod too soon. Hope you don't think I'm judging, I'm just concerned, hun. That's all.

I must get my mind set back, and make a greater effort to put in a streak of AF days!!!

You can do this Peanut! I know you can. We are here for you. I wish you nothing but the best.


Kiri ~ Good job going right to the hypno tapes. Keep racking up those AF days!!! Wtg!! You are rocking!!


LVT25 ~ Wow, I am jealous of your garden. I so wish I could have one here. Not that I know how to grow anything! lol So sorry to hear about your camper but thank goodness you are all safe! Hang in there girl!

Believer ~ How?s everything with you?

1morechance ~ get back on the horse and ride to better days. You can do it. Stick with us.

MM ~ You will have so much to offer on this thread. You will always be an inspiration to me. Not just with AL but with how you handle life?s woes. I love you dearly.

Ownbestfriend ~ welcome, I liked your post a lot.

LindaP, Midwestern Lady, Srand, Cedar, Bestlifeldms, Kiagmin, dolphin ~ Welcome. Check back with us and let us know where your at. We are here for you.

I've got so much to get caught up on, but I just wanted to pop in here first and cheer on this amazing group!!! Keep up the great work all!
Love, Me
:l:h:l

[Wooflet]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hello Thankful - great to see you back, you've been missed. Sorry to hear you've been out of sorts. I too have been missing my supps (also just forgetting) and am seeing a difference in my mood. Guess we just have to be more committed to taking them. After all, we never forgot to drink did we?!

Also congratulations Thankful on making five months of sobriety - what an inspiration.

Wooflet x

[wakupmom]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

A big Hello from me to all you guys!

Thankfull,Thanks for popping in and sending us all a message.Your insight and advise are so inspiring and is well received.Hope you are feeling better yourself.Please take care of you xx

Wooflet and Loppy.CONGRATULATIONS 30 days today!!Yes i am the same as you guys WHAT TO DO NOW?Well as i got this far i am still going to do ODAT,as Thankfull said somewhere you need to go with your "gut instinks" I do not trust myself to test the water,and if i am honest i don't really want to.It really is a matter of mind games.xx

NTC,Hope your meal went well.Well done to you too with all those A/F days.If its any consolation i too have developed the sweet tooth.Ithink the TREAT is a big substitute.Its better than drinking so whatever it takes xx

Peanut.Best of luck with your A/F during June.Try not to loose sight of what you achieved so far,as i have said before.A/F days are great even if not in succession. xx

Hello to Olie,LVT,Dolphin,Happier,Kiri,Imore,WW.Hope you are all good xx

Well must fly a busy day for me,just needed to check in and send my heart felt thanks for helping me get this far.30 days is a first for me.If i can do anyone can.Have a great weekend my friends xx

[ntcentral]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hi all, I was on vacation yesterday and am so again today so didn't get back with the posting. Thanks to everyone for the support--Wooflet, Peanut, LVT, Lopy, Wakeupmom. I don't know whether you would call the other night a victory or a draw. Here's what happened: After I finished posting, while husband was still biking, I took three kudzo's, two L-Gluts, another naltrexone, and a vitamin B tablet. He came home and we opened the red. It was very thick, very complex, very heavy, I guess the way an expensive red is supposed to be. We only drink this kind of quality in a blue moon, so trust me, I'm no expert here. I remember the label said something like, "aromas of cherry and tobacco (yes, tobacco! and you pay big bucks for that!)" and the flavor was "heavy, classic bordeaux with rich overtones of fruit and tanin". After one glass I started to feel nauseous. I think the combination of the heavy wine and the belly-full of tablets on an empty stomach all interacted to created a bubbling cauldron. I drank another half glass and then the family went to a VIETNAMESE restaurant. Have you ever tried to eat slippery noodles and unidentifiable crawly things floating in broth on a nauseated stomach?

Who would have thought that nausea and an inability to eat would constitute a victory night but it did. I came home, drank an Alka Seltzer and read in bed. Hooray. Last night, I went to a party at a friend's house, a graduation party for her son. Although she had a table of opened wine bottles, I just drank water. (Hooray times two). My new goal is to go AF for the month of June. We'll see how it goes.

Loppy, you're body is probably still adjusting to its AF status. I know that my first two weeks, I was coming home from work to take naps. I think you should be patting yourself on the back that despite the tiredness and the emotional roller coaster, you've still managed to stay true to the cause. I cherish hearing stories like yours because they show that it can be done.

Peanut, I second wakeupmom's best wishes for an AF June. It sounds like life is busy for you, and that may actually help you achieve your goal.

LVT25 I love hearing about your garden, it sounds amazing. In my next life, I want to come back with a green thumb. We have a yard full of rabbits and everytime I plant something, it becomes their herb du jour.

Thankful, sorry to hear that sad news is running through your life right now. I'm sure that can't be helpful to efforts to stay AF and yet it sounds like you are managing to stay the course. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.

How's everyone else? Keep us posted, we enjoy hearing from you. NTC