Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

[Ollie]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hi everyone. I have been away for a while because, well, you guessed it, I was drinking. I'm beginning to realize my problems are much deeper than the bottle. But, I also realize that I will never be able to "fix" it as long as I'm drinking.
I'm now on day two and I'm trying to keep all those negative thoughts at bay. I have read two things today that basically said "don't worry about what people think of you". I really need to take this and run with it. I know that one of my problems is feeling never good enough. I only felt good about myself when I was drinking. I don't know I guess I thought I was more interesting or something. But I was really just making an ass out of myself.
Glad everyone is still here. A lot of you made some real progress. I'm so proud of all of you!

Ollie

[Thankful]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Peanut ~ good luck with the Topa. I can?t offer any advise on meds, but I am glad you are making your way around the web and posting for help in other places. Utilize the whole place. That?s what it?s here for. There is a wealth of information and great advise out there.

Loopy ~ good for you, hun! See you are still going strong! Trust me it will get easier. We damaged our bodies for years. You need to give yourself time to heal. And you will, trust me.

NTC ~ sobriety really is a learning process. We have to learn all those little triggers and then arm ourselves against them. Next time you want a drink, try to give some deep thought as to why? Was there a trigger?

Rippy ~ ?NUTS - unite? lol - Hell count me in! So nice to see you here! I hope you stick around.

Patricia ~ welcome. You will find so much support and inspiration here. Please tell us more about yourself. We are here for you.

1morechance ~ welcome back, hun. I love your attitude! Way to kick off the new month!!

Ollie ~ congrats on those 2 days! Glad you found your way back. I like your post. Only we can make ourselves healthy and happy. No one else can do this for us. My moods were horrendous while I was drinking. I thought for yrs that I suffered from depression only to find out that it was the AL. Get those AF days under your belt. I promise you will feel so much better. You will have a new outlook on life. And that?s not a cornball response. I mean every word. Hang tough! You can do this.

Wooflet ~ we miss you! Know that you are loved here. You have a lot of words of wisdom to offer and we need to hear them.

You all can do this!!! I know you can!!!

Love, Me
:l

[Peanut]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hello gang!!

Everybody sounds pretty darned good!!

Big welcome to Patricia - and good luck on the 30days. I am going for it too, and with much better intent this time! Much less stressed out about it this time around, I must say!

NTC - I like your idea of sleeping rather than drinking. I have always done all my drinking at night, during the time when I should be sleeping, like 11pm until 1am (or later) resulting in a constant state of sleep deprivation, and likely causing my current sleep problems.

1more - May was tough for many of us - let's keep up the good attitude.

Ollie has returned!! I also am much more interesting drunk too! NOT!!! Ha! I think I can be more fun though! I always love a good dance party, but tend to need the lubrication to get one going! I think I need to find out who I am socially without wine/beer. I actually had alot of fun the other night with the beer drinkers - laughed my fool head off with them all, on only 2 AF beer! And no risk of a DUI!!!

Ripple - Tipple - what a type-0!!!!

I have had a much better day today than yesterday. Not the greatest sleep - dreaming ALL NIGHT!!!! But feel fine today, no AL craving, and no ill effects of the topa so far - I feel great in fact. And Thankful, I have been getting really good advise on other threads about the topa, and have learned that there are many members who find it very helpful and do not have much difficulty with side affects at all. Alot of variation in what levels people choose to settle on, and I don't think i want to go as high as Roberta suggests, but I will see as I go!

I am off to the pool - I shall see how fast my 500m will be tonight! Wish me luck!
Will try to write again to you all tomorrow!
Best of luck to everybody in all of your AF goals!!
xoxoxoxo Peanut

[ntcentral]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hi all, So good to hear how everyone is doing. Thankful, I'm going to reflect on my triggers. Sadly, so much of my life is a trigger. The good times, the bad times, the boring moments, the thrilling moments, happiness, sadness, victory, defeat.....you name it, the occasion deserves a royal toast. I suppose that is one of the many reasons why I'm having a hard time quitting--AL is so much a part of my life and my mind set. Hope you are doing well.

Loppy, keep posting and keeping us posted about your progress. Sounds like you are happy with the Antabuse. Caloric dishes are better than AL---how many alternatives to fattening food can you say that about???

Peanut, I imagine the swimming helps with urges. At the very least, it probably leads to a better night's sleep.

Hi to everyone else.

Ollie--believe me, I'm no expert on what I'm about to spout off about next but...----I'm finding that the more days of sobriety I chalk up, the more able I am to look people in the eye and feel good about myself. It's like I'm not carrying this dark secret around with me, this thing that in my mind is shameful and that makes me inferior to someone who doesn't have a problem with AL. Conversely, in my drinking periods, the more I drink, the more negative I feel about myself. ((( Given all of this, it should be oh so easy to quit, right? Not.))) Keep in touch, even if you have a slip. I think contact is one way to help you keep the eye on the long term goal.

Today I stopped at the ice cream store on the drive home from work and had a large chocolate dip cone. I figured that was about the caloric equivalent of a bottle of wine. I'm eating popsicles now---number three is about done for. I'm wondering how much longer this sugar craving will last.

Cheers to all. Today is June 3, we're on our way to an AF month. NTC

[Loppy lugs]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Very quick post before I head off to work.

Ollie good to have you back. Keep up the good work.

I am really nervous today as I am going out!!! June means I have to stop hiding myself away. I am going to an Avril Lavigne concert with my brother who I don't see that often. He is driving so will not be drinking which will make it easier for me. My dilemma is that he has never appreciated the total mess I got myself into and doesn't know anything about all this. Should I be honest and tell him or since he's not drinking just ignore the issue for another day.

There isn't another family get together for another 6 weeks and since most people will be driving there won't be too much booze flowing. I'm almost inclined to say nothing until then when hopefully I will be more comfortabe in my AF skin.

I guess I'll just have to make up my mind when I see him. Mind you at a concert there isn't much opportunity to chat.

Keep well all, catch you later.

[Rusty-576]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Thankful thanks for sending me here I am so glad to he posting AF. Here comes day 4 looking forward to it have a great day all

[Thankful]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hello all!

Rusty ~ so glad you made it. I told you there are a great bunch of people here going through exactly what you are. Stay with us, hun. We all help pull each other through.

Loopy ~ That's a tough choice about talking to your bro or not. It seems like you want to tell someone but are still a little too scared (correct me if I'm wrong). It's easy for me to say tell him, because I told everyone I know. But I also, don't worry about what others think of me. It is very liberating when you tell people. And maybe the car ride will give you enough alone time to let him know. It doesn't have to be a sad talk. Heck, make it a happy one. Start with something like "hey, guess what I made through the whole month of May alcohol free and I'm well on my way to making it through June!". If he acts like that's not a big deal, you gently let him know just how bad your problem has been. If he doesn't know all the facts, then he can't appreciate the accomplichment. Either way, if people are happy for you or not, YOU should be happy for you! And remember how happy and proud that we all are for you! Good luck and have fun!

NTC ~ I understand about the triggers. You just described all the reasons I drank. But what helped was when I would "catch" myself drinking simply out of habit. I would be drinking because of a trigger when in reality I didn't even want to. Let me try to expalin that - lol. My poison of choice was beer. I didn't use meds or supps when I got here because I had to medical insurance or money. I had to quit cold turkey. So what I did rely on for a little while was AF beer. So to make a long story short, last football season (I was alone) and a huge Patriots game was on. All day long I did not even think about a beer, but the second the game started - "click" I wanted a beer. So I grabbed an AF beer from the fridge and sat down for the game. Three hours later that can sat in front of me still almost full and disgustingly warm. I had about 3 sips out of it. You see, I learned that I didn't want a beer that day. I was so used to drinking during football and baseball games that my habitual mind set took over for a minute. I thought "games on, so it's beer time". Had that been a "real" beer, I would have had about 10 by the time the game ended because the damn alcohol is addicting. I felt really good that day when I discovered that. That's how we figure out those sneaky little triggers. They are every where. But they are not impossible to defeat! Be on alert!!!

Peanut ~ I am so glad that you are sounding so good. Sleep will come. Trust me. I know I sound like a broken record when I tell you all to give your bodies some time to adjust, but it's only because it is so true.

Have a great all! Stay strong!!

Love, Me
:l

[Peanut]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Good morning!

Rusty! We are samesies in days AF, although I did tell myself not to count this month! Ha!

Got my first 500m down to 10min 33 sec. That's pretty good for this old slow poke. It felt good, except I was swimming beside two girls from the Goldfins swim club - yeesh - now they were fast, just speeding past me!!!!

Loppy/Loopy - good luck with the bro situtation. Like Thankful - I have told everybody about my drinking plans (I am not actually a very private person!). Not in a negative way, but from a positive stand point. And most people agree that it is a good idea - why not??? I usually end with something like "...and do I really NEED to drink a bottle of wine every night of my life???? I think not!!", to which the reply is usualy, "yah, you're right" and the one I liked the best "I support you fully in your project!". In fact, since I started on my quest, a couple of friends have started cutting back too, with the excuse of certain running events they are planning for, and such things. I am not the only one who drank too much, I'm sure. And maybe it just takes seeing someone else at least try that opens other people's minds to trying it themselves. Hmmm... it's a thought..... So Loppy, maybe you don't have to tell him the extent of your concern for yourself, just try to make light of it, say you are doing it for your health and for a personal challenge or some such rot! (I know - it's not rot!!!)

As for triggers, I had a few, brief ones yesterday. Not sure what they were, just little snippets, from a smell in the air? a taste in my mouth? a little feeling of hunger in my tummy? a thought? Nothing to do with emotions or situations or anything it seemed - not even habits, as my habit is a night habit - so I will have to pay close attention to what exactly these tiny triggers are that make me think about wine.

Didn't sleep much last night. Finally put in the subliminal cd, and finally fell asleep probably about 1:30, and about 2-2:30 am, the phone rang, and it was my BF's ex. Man - now is she f*cked up. Second time in a month she has tried, inaffectively, to do herself in. Hmmmm... Suffers from anxiety, and feels worthless, etc. So he had to get up, took her to the hospital, and then they left as the wait was too long. I don't think he came back until 4:30. Poor guy will be very sleepy today!! There are some very messed up people out there - I feel quite lucky to have the little problem that I do have (it does feel very little in comparison!!)

OK - I have a gazillion samples to get through today, so I had better get started.

Hi to everybody else on this thread!!!! Wooflet, where are you?!?!?!

Hope your tuesday is tea-totallin', tantalizin' and terrific!!!!
xoxoxo Peanut

[Ollie]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hi all!

Peanut-Glad the Topa is working for you! I'm not taking it but I have heard it is really helpful. I also have been having crazy dreams the past couple of nights. But, at least I'm finally sleeping. I can tell my body is completely exausted from having no real sleep in a long time. Good luck on your swim today!

NTC-I agree with all you said. I do have a problem looking people in the eye and carrying on conversations right now. Like you said, I 'm scared they will know my secret. I'm happy that today I will take my daughter to dance class and talk to the other moms not worrying if I smell like booze or scared I'll say something dumb in my hungover state. I'm looking forward to regaining my dignity.

Loppy-Have fun at the concert. I think you will know at the time if you want to bring it up. I still have not told my family of my struggles (but they do live across the country).

Rusty-Welcome!

And Thankful- Thanks again for your encouraging words.

Hope everyone has a great day! This is day 3 for me. I don't think I have ever made it past day 4 (except during pregnancies). Wish me luck the next few days. I'll need it!

Ollie

[Peanut]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Happy Thursday!!

Well - I thought today was wedensday, but I was informed by my intelligent young son that it is actually thursday!!!! Yes!!!! Which day did I do twice??? I think I had two tuesdays this week.

So many new people on the threads this week!!! Good to see everybody trying so hard to improve and change their lives. I feel pretty good today too and will goout at lunch time, into the sunshine for a walk, as the weather is supposed to be cloudy and rainy for the next several days. Good for the crops, good for my inside house renos, bad for my suntan!!!

Ollie - how are you holding out?? Loppy - I am curious how things went with your brother. Hello to everybody else out there!

I figured out one trigger. Books. Yesterday, while working away here, I thought about the book I just started reading, and immediately thought about a glass of wine. My habit is to sit and read and drink wine at night after I am finished all exercise/chores/etc. What to do?? Avoid books?? I think not!!!! I have taken to reading in bed instead!

A thrilling thursday to all!!!
Peanut

[CS04]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hello everyone
This is my 1st time posting on this thread, although I have browsed thru it before. I started with topa and supps a month ago, had 9 or 10 AF days and cut down a good bit last month but still not really enough. I do think I need to "attack" doing a 30 -- scared of it, but not quite as scared as a couple days ago. Talking to hubby about it last night helped. He drinks nightly as well, and has already told me that he doesn't want to have any AF evenings. So when I initially brought that up, I ended up feeling alone in my corner. But I've been depressed for awhile and need to tackle that. Other triggers for me are dinner (pasta for dinner? must have a glass=bottle of wine) and anger/resentment, esp. if hubby stops at the bar while I am trying to prepare the aforementioned dinner with crying hungry baby at my heels.

But I digress. Well, maybe not, because many of you have said the same. I have said that I don't think I can do a 30, but now that I have fessed to hubby, that step has been made. I am on day 2 (again) today. P.S. Thankful, thanks for reminding me about this thread.

[1morechance]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hello everyone

I've been doing well staying AF today is my 4th day, i'm in good spirits but i haven't slept well and on top of that i'm having back problems. The suprising thing to me is that although i'm having these physical problems, i feel good about myself. Loopy asked me about plans so i thought i might share them with everyone so i can put them out there.

at this point as i look at my past drinking pattern, i'm planning to follow a program called "habit busting: a 21 day program to break any habit" -- it has really helped me to look at my thinking patterns & behavior and how if i can work on changing or re-programming my brain, and the way i think i can change my life. I will stay AF during this time and using my supplements. By the end of the 21 days, i will look at where i'm at, and work on my next step. Of course this life is a journey so... it can get bumpy but the important thing for me is to remember "the past is a locked door" that cannot be open.

Thankful, thanks for all your encouragement and sharing your experience, i always look forward to seeing your post.

Loopy, hope the cd's help and gets easier for you. hope you enjoyed the concert; in regards to your brother, it's best to follow your gut feeling but don't let fear take over no matter what you're decision might be.

Ollie, hang in there we can do this -- it takes time and work

Peanut, glad you have a positive attitute. seems like the AF day in May fired up your determination for June!

CSO4, welcome. i know that to look at 30 days seems overwhelming, that has been my problem all along since i joined in March. i've also notices that when i say i can't do something, i won't do it. i've always known the power of the mind, but one thing is to know it another is to experience it. this week i've been working on changing negative thought into positives and i've seen it work. hangin there.

[Loppy lugs]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Ok folks re the Loppy/Loopy bit.

I called myself Loppy Lugs after a rabbit (of the velveteen rabbit variety). This rabbit was a special rabbit who listened to his special persons problems and worries and made her feel braver just for being there. He looked after his special person really well for about 25 years but when she eventually died, he went to heaven with her so that she wouldn't be afraid.

I hoped that by taking the name it would make me feel braver for what is to come.

That said I can sometimes be a bit off the wall so perhaps Loopy suits me too. Take your pick because I know whatever you call me you are all just sending me good vibes.

Re my brother... I wasn't worried about telling him I wasn't drinking, just about the mess I had got into which made it necessary for me to stop for good. So I broached the subject and you have never known someone change the subject so quickly. It was almost comical. He was so not going to talk about it or allow it to even register. So with my new found wisdom I allowed the subject to rest.

:welcome::welcome:Rusty and CS04 This is a good place to post, whatever hits you there is someone here who will know what to say to help.

It is a short post tonight but my bed calls me..... and I've managed to put myself in weepy mode again so off to bed to sleep it off.

Great work everyone on the AF days.. Keep it up...

Take care

[Rusty-576]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

hi all I feel I can share as much as I do when I come to these sites I am almost through day 5. I would like to thank all of you for making me feel welcome. I didn't think about al all day today either it is because I am so tired, or because maybe it is getting a little easier. I think sleep may come tonight but if not it still feels better than waking up sick!!!!
Take care all and thanks

[KateH1]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Congrats on Day 5, Rusty!!! You are on your way, keep going!!! You have hooked up with a terrific group of people on this thread that are all determined to live a sober life!! Stay close!!

Best Wishes!
KateH