Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

[LVT25]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hello all--
Just popping in briefly to give Peanut and CS a hard time!

CS--I guess you're not much of a college football fan, if you were, you'd know the cornhusker state is NEBRASKA!! Huskers?? Anyway, still not that far from Ohio!! :H

The biker breakfast (ABATE) went really well today--we served almost twice as many as yesterday, we ran out of cups, forks and had some trouble getting the coffee done (electricity issues) but all in all went ok. Man, don't want to be around too many hungover biker chicks having to wait for their coffee!!:H There was one woman there drinking a Bud Light with her breakfast. By the looks of her it was either the hair of the dog, or she hadn't been to bed yet!
All I can say, is I'm so glad it wasn't me!! I just hate even the thought of a hangover now. It's so much better to feel good and energetic!!

Might take the camper out today, but mostly will be fishing with the boys, so hope the urge to drink won't be too strong.

Ok, peanut--I am 22 days AF for June. I started out thinking I could just moderate on weekends, I really did pretty well, I went from drinking probably 8-10 beers every night to that many a couple of times a month. But one weekend, I overdid it, mad some bad judgements--so told hubby that's it--I'm done. After 30 days I'll see how it goes. I still have a major urge to smoke when I drink--and I have given in to that urge a couple of times. So that's where I am.
It must be nice to live where there is so much to do! But I don't think I could be a strong as you--not drinking at those concerts and beer runs or whatever you called them. You are awesome!!

Ok, better keep busy. Love you guys.:h

[Fresh Hope]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Broke down on Friday night. Had 3 glasses of wine.

Lots of BIG changes here, my 18 year old just got into a rehab high school. She leaves on Monday and we only found out she was accepted on Thursday...flurry of Doc appts, shopping, nerves, tres costly to send her but what wouldn?t you spend/borrow...GUILT because she has inherited her AL abuse from both of her parents. Etc. stressed to the max thought wine would make me feel better and it DID NOT!! It tasted yucky and I slept poorly and felt groggy Sat. morning.

The remainder of the bottle sits in the fridge and I am not drinking it. ...after being AF for a few days I remembered what it is to be sober. I know I drink for something to do, sounds weird and pathetic but it is true...when I drink then I eat and the combo is so good and I actually have a function while I veg in front of TV.

No problem to abstain last night, I just cannot feel so shitty any more, remain overweight, rot my liver, rot my brain.....we all know the rest.

CSO4 and Peanut, Glad to hear that fatigue is common when starting AF, thanks ...i too go to bed earlier and read, also too tired to start a project, like the laundry or organize a closet etc. My face is less puffy too and I may have lost a few pounds. I work from home so when the fatigue is overwhelming I can put on a guided meditation tape and lie down in my office. After 15- 20 min I feel completely refreshed. May still get tired later but I have a way to deal with it and stay functioning until bedtime. I also think the meditation helps me stay committed to being AF. Some free meditation downloads and dharma talks can be found at Insight Meditation Community of Washington IMCW - Audio Archives Insight Meditation Community of Washington IMCW - Audio Archives

Getting lots of exercise , garden, bike, cardio class, yoga...also helps fill the time. I try to do things around 3-7PM.... after 8PM I am usually safe from temptation.

Love this thread!

Have two weekends away coming up, kind of worried ...lots of on the dock drinking.

Thank for all the advice.

FH

[Loppy lugs]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

I can't believe how long it is since I last checked in here. I am now at day 53 AF but that doesn't tell the whole story.

The last week or so I have been having a hard time. I use antabuse so drinking is not an option and it is imperative that it stays that way..... but.... To get to these 53 days I have put my life on hold. I don't feel confident enough to socialise as I normally would. In another thread I posted about my traumas when my friend decided to ask along extra people to a dinner we had planned. I didn't go. I had a bad cold so it was a ready made excuse.

Now for the big one. I have been having panic attacks all weekend. On Friday night I have to attend a ball. The real maccoy. All long frocks and 800 people.... and it is a works do with a three line whip so no getting out of it.

I am having palpitations just typing this. To make matters worse with all the weight I put on when I first went AF I can't get into the dress I intended to wear. I have another one that I can get into but even with magic knickers it doesn't look the way it is supposed to.

I have visions of spending most of the night locked in the ladies in tears.

It is a shame because a lot of effort has been put into every detail for the evening and other different circumstances I would really be up for it.

After my antabuse accident last week with eyewash (there is enough alcohol in an optrex eyewash to set of the antabuse reaction) I am really nervous about eating anything I haven't made myself. They are catering to everyones dietary requirements but I didn't feel able to put alcohol free because of the reaction I thought it would cause.

I feel like such a fraud. People congratulate me on my sobriety but I am not living a life like everyone else here. I don't have to deal with the ordinary stresses of life. OK work is an issue but it is for most people. I am even avoiding my friends!!

In 53 days I have been to one concert (with my brother) The theatre twice and one Sunday morning heritage walk. I also went to the MWO london meet up which was great but to my mind part of the going AF experince.

At some point I have to start living again. Just at the moment when I break out in sweats and start hyperventilating at the mere thought of it I don't know when that will be.

Well that is enough self pitying for one day.

I have missed you all but I don't normally like to post unless I am cheerful. Sorry and all that. I'll catch up properly when I am feeling more myself.

[CS04]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Loppy,
So sorry to hear about your panic attacks. My hubby has had them so I can empathize with what they are like. Are you on any meds for them? (hubby is, and it has helped) As far as the ball, are you going alone? w/a date? friend? Someone to hold your hand and help you thru the evening? I sure hope so; if the event is on Fri. then you still have time to find someone to go with you. As far as the meal, lots of people request al to be left out of dishes in restaurants and catered affairs. When you get to the event, tell one of the busers or servers to tell the kitchen to leave AL (or sauce or whatever) out of one of the plates at Table X, and you will be anonymous.

Social stuff is hard. We all have to take it at our own pace. Don't worry about not always putting on a happy face here. I had to admit a slip last week but everyone here helped me get over the guilties.

FH, your daughter is getting what she needs at the school. I hope it will work out for her and she will learn early. I also drink for something to do -- amazing how busy we can keep ourselves with AL, isn't it. You're smart to be doing the exercise, etc. at the witching hour. Then when you're tired, at least it feels worth it!

LVT, you're right, I'm not much of a football fan (and I even went to Ohio State!) Hope your garden is doing well.

[Peanut]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Oh Loppy - you have actually made me laugh with your "magic knickers' remark - sorry, I don't mean to, I just seem to be laughing at alot of things these days. But you have also made me sad for you. I wonder if you want to try stopping the antabuse and try a different approach to this. I am no expert of course - at anything! - I'm not sure what you should do here. Did you ever try to Topa approach??? Or anti-anxiety meds??? I really am feeling for you. Please try relax - deep breaths, stay calm, stand back - you will be fine!

Right LVT - I did think you were doing an AF June too. I also had tried the moderating in May after my AF streak fell through - didn't work too well for me either! Still rather embarrassed about that last party in Calgary - need to tell my brother I would rather never see those particular friends of his again!! And because wine if my beverage of choice (nectar of the gods!!), beer drinking doesn't bother me too much, so the hash runs we do every couple of weeks I can tolerate - AF beer is fine. It is drinking wine at home that is truly my weakness. Out for dinners, etc. - I don't need it. It is friday evening at home that I miss it! Warm summer evening, on my back patio, cool glass of wine.... Ugh... What am I doing to myself!! nonono!!

Fresh Hope - don't worry about friday night- every day is a fresh day and a new beginning, right? I'm gonna look up that meditation site - I am interested in that. I think I am quite tense, because I must grind my teeth terribly (my dentist can tell) because my jaw and teeth sometime hurt from it - I have to learn to relax, and I think that will help with sleep too! And good luck on your weekends away - I suppose lots of soda water and lime or whatever plus AF beer will be in order!!!

OK - I am procrastinating with my paint-job!!!
xoxo Peanuy

[LVT25]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Ok already, yes, I'm back again! I also chuckled at your "MAGIC KNICKERS" comment Loppy! I hope you don't mind if I use it!:H My magic knickers are so tiny they could fit a 3rd grader!! But they do the trick. I'm really sorry you're feeling bad today. I haven't seen most of my friends in over a month. But I am doing other things around other people--mainly church. I think my friends understand--I just have to do this my way right now--I hope it's not forever, but it will be for as long as it takes I guess. There are times I just refuse to go somewhere because I know I'll be tempted to drink/smoke--it's just so much easier to stay home. Sometimes though, I've had to fulfill obligations and it turned out just fine--as I'm sure will be the case for you and the ball--sounds fascinating to me (the farm gal I am). So, hang in there, ok--5o+ days is amazing!
Fresh--thanks for joining us! And thanks for your advice! Is this like a reform school or something? My sons are 13 and 10,, and don't really understand why I'm not drinking beer anymore, I don't think they really noticed much difference in me I guess. Except now they don't get to go to as many places and hang out while hubby and I drink!! They are happy I'm not smoking and that's what counts I guess.:h

[Peanut]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

A quick hello for Monday Morning!!!

NTC - you back yet from your weekend away??? Looking forward to hearing how it all went!
LVT - anymore videos to get us going in the mornings with?
CS - how is the visit with the stepson?? Is it still raining there?
FreshHope - your daughter leaves today. I wish you well - hope everything goes well - stay calm, she will be fine!
Everyone made it through the weekend ok? Some little slips here and there, but over all, i think it all went pretty well for most. Looks like alot of success on the newbie thread too!!

Today is the 23rd day of AF June - UNBELIEVABLE!!!! Who the heck am I anyway?!?!?!?!? Feeling a bit goofy!!! Have I always been this way??? It is kind of strange learning who we are without alcohol. I remember hearing or reading that before, and really not understanding it - like, what do you mean, who you are, I am who I am, whether I drink or not - same person!!! But it really isn't true, as AL does rather change us, at least is does me anyway, makes me behave in ways that I really often shouldn't!!! Or wouldn't, had I been in my right mind!!!! Anyway, my embarrassing moments are hopefully a thing of the past!!!

I realized I forgot my meds this morning, so I bribed my son into bringing them to me to work in exchange for some gas money for his car. No problem!!!! He just did his last exam of the school year this morning and is feeling pretty good! Also booked my 20yo daughter an airmiles flight home for a week from Victoria to come visit me in early July, so she is pretty happy too. Now to work on my 18yo daughter - get her home for a visit from Calgary too in July for a few days - I can have all my little ducklings home at the same time - won't that be nice?!?! My ex will be back in town for the summer too, so I'm hoping to have a little graduation party for my middle girl, as I think she will finally be finished up with high school, and it was such a struggle for her, dropping out at 15yo, etc. so a party and some closure and celebration is in order!!!

SO!!!! Pink Martini!!! OMG - they were fantastic!!! I don't know why I don't have ALL their CD's!!!! Pissing rain when we got there, but it stopped by the time they started playing (this is an outdoor venue!!). Man! Can that woman sing!!! 12 person band/orchestra - absolutely fantastic, well worth it - another almost-2 hour concert! That's it for a while for shows for me, unless I decide to go see Robert Cray next sunday, but it can get pretty pricey, all these shows! But Jazz Fest only happens once a year, although there is also the Blues Festival that just happened last month, and there are Folk Fests that occur and other music festivals, so summer time, there is no shortage of music!! I do love the summers for that!!

OK - another marvelous monday for us all. Best to all in your AF quests in this last week of June!
xoxoxo Peanut

[CS04]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hello all,
I have been moody again the past 2 days -- not sure why. Wanting to drink but not really wanting to drink...does that make sense? I guess maybe wanting the "old routine" to fall back on. Maybe I'm just bored. I feel like I'm not enjoying dinners and evenings like I usually do. Maybe I'm spending too much time on the computer!

Peanut, it's good that you have been busy; glad the bands were lots of fun.
Loppy, hope you are feeling better today.
Larisa, FreshHope, NTC...hope all is well!

Going to make this short for now. Later guys --

[LVT25]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

OKAY EVERYBODY--HOW ABOUT THIS BLAST FROM THE PAST????

[ame=

]YouTube - Three Dog Night - Joy To The World (Live 75)[/ame]

Have a great day/night!:h

I'm out to put some weeds to death!!!

[Peanut]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Nice LVT - love the big collars on those shirts!!!!

Busy here at work, grinding my teeth, my jaw and teeth hurts - gotta stop that!!!
Have to get back to my lab, but will take some time later to drop by and peruse the threads!
Have a great day everybody!
xoxoxo Peanut

[Larisa]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hi, Everybody!!

Where can I get some magic knickers???

So sorry about the panic attacks, Loppy! I know the feeling. I hate going anywhere with the 30 lbs. wine has put on me. I've been popping these GABAs to stay calm - they work pretty well, so far. But the Antabuse/eyewash thing is just WRONG. I mean, that's not right.

Peanut, I'm afraid I'm finding out that who I am without alcohol is the person who is really sleepy from the topa and goes home after work, sits on the couch crocheting in front of the tube, tucks the animals in, goes to bed, and zonks out by 10 after reading a chapter in her latest true-crime novel! And thoroughly enjoys it! Who I am without alcohol is awful and boring and doesn't even care! I'm so ashamed. Oh, wait...that's who I was with alcohol too...only I was passed out by 8 and then started over around 3 am. Oh, yeah.

FH, I'm exhausted too, but unlike you, I'm not up to the exercising thing yet. I was working out daily while drinking!!! An hour/day on the elliptical! But the only side effect the topa has on me is that I'm...really.......sleeeeepy.. Surely it'll go away soon. Anyway, small price to pay.

Okay, I'm done blabbing. I hope you all are doing great! I'm so glad to be here with you. Day 22 for me - a miracle.

[Peanut]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hey Larisa,

Do you think it's the Topa that's making you sleepy?? Or just these early days of being AF? What dosage are you on yet? I've just reached 100mg. I also am super sleepy, and am wondering when it will stop. I keep going though, but really like a pre-supper nap after work! It is like I can completely zonk out for about 15 minutes, and then I am fine - rather disoriented for a while, but can carry on for the rest of the evening after that. And don't be a silly - without alcohol you are not awful and boring and you shouldn't be ashamed of anything. You are just lying low for a while - you will get back on that elliptical soon. Do you have one of those at home??? I'd love that - especially in the dead of winter here!!!

Anyway - congrats on 22days AF - 30days is just around the corner and then we're into the beautiful month of July (my fave month of course, being a Cancer myself!!!)
Peanut

[Larisa]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Peanut,

I think it's the topa - I'm getting plenty of rest, anyway! I'm on 300 mg. now. I just got more Adrafinil, and that helps a little.

You're in the middle of winter? When does it get warm?? I was born and raised where it's about 76F all year round, so I'm not a big fan of cold weather! I do like skiing, though.

How is the 100 mg of topa doing for you?

[Peanut]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hey Larisa - no, we're not in winter right now! But when we are, it can be pretty hard to drag my sorry ass out for exercise in the cold air. There was one run this past February that I think it was about -38C - couldn't actually recognize anybody, with all that hats and scarves and everything covered up! Had to pu hotshots in my runners! I'm about to get out for a lunch-time run right now, and it is about the mid to upper 70's out there and sunny and breezy - should be quite nice I think, but I'm kinda hungry!

The 100mg of topa is ok for me, but I don't think I want to go much higher. Not much in the way of side effects, and I really don't crave AL at all, so maybe this is all I need - although I was having thoughts of wine alot last week. I'm really feeling very healthy and loving it, and I'm starting to look better - I was looking really old and wan and tired and sunken eyes and horrid for a while - my BF says I'm starting to look more normal. Don't know why, but I looked and felt so totally exhausted for a while there - almost sick looking! I'm not sure what will happen in July. I don't think i plan on abstaining completely, but I will have to be very careful - I'm kinda scared actually. I think I will stick to AF beer on my hash runs, keep being the designated driver -it's safer that way!

How is everyone else doing? Rusty - you still holding out? LVT? Day25? Hi to FreshHope, NTC and CS!! And Loppy - I do hope you are feeling better and things are looking up! I've been thinking alot about you and sending positive vibes your way - all the way across the ocean!

OK - must don my runners and get out in the sun shine before the rain comes!
xoxo Peanut

[CS04]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hi everyone,
Stresses are abounding: I finally had a bit of motivation to clean up my back porch, and was washing the covers for the chairs; left the support rods in them -- and sprung the inside of the wash tub, so it is dislodged from th einside of the machine. It was leaking all over the basement, and the guy can't come till Friday. I am panicked that it will cost hundred of $$ to fix...and it was my stupid fault. Then i came home today and the bathtub is clogged -- minor incident, but with 17-yo's crap all over the bathroom, not what I'm in the mood for!

I really feel like giving up on the AF thing. But Peanut, I'm with you -- I think moderating is going to be hard. In fact I know it will be, although I'd like to tell myself otherwise. I will continue to try to hold out though, if for nothing else that it's almost the end of the month, and I know that the ADs I'm taking won't work properly if I drink. I am still worried that I need to develop more healthy habits, though. I'm almost off of Topa and not taking any kudzu, either; maybe I should also take more L-Glut. But I sure would love some red wine tonight.

I also have not been sleeping well most nights. Again last night woke up at 1:30, 3:30 and 6. Stress probably isn't helping there, either.

Larisa, I feel like I got tons done while drinking. Now I am not so physically tired during the day, just mostly unmotivated, which I think is driving my husband nuts.

Let's keep these pep talks going, guys -- I need it! I must say I have really enjoyed this thread and "getting to know" you all.