Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

[Fresh Hope]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Checking in...so many stresses this week..Drank last 2 nights but only 2 glasses per night. Can I still be here eve though I keep stumbling...this is where I want to be.
I have much to post but no time, I'll be back later, Thanks all for keeping this going and all the personal comments and queries.
FH

[Fresh Hope]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

FreshHope - your daughter leaves today. I wish you well - hope everything goes well - stay calm, she will be fine!
Everyone made it through the weekend ok? Some little slips here and there, but over all, i think it all went pretty well for most. Looks like alot of success on the newbie thread too!!

Hey Peanut, Thanks for the comment, I think she will be ok, safe for sure but wait and see how successful... she went bingeing the night before she left ;-( , but time to let thte professionals support her.
FH

[LVT25]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hi guys,

Wow, CS, sounds like something I'd do! That's what you get for cleaning, huh!!

I was so mad at my 13 year old son this morning, I over reacted--hadn't taken my GABA. It's just his attitude!! All about him--won't listen. Long boring story that has to do with the pumpkin patch and hoes. Anyway, I held my tongue (with him) and had a sane talk. We'll see if it helps--have my doubts.

I started a thread in general, but the weirdest thing happened today. We stopped at the store for supper supplies, and I decided to check out in the liquor store. I got this intense urge--for some munchies!! Not beer, not ciggies--sugar or salt or both!! So I settled for a salted nut roll and a diet pepsi. I know--both are bad--but it didn't even dawn on me until I logged on MWO what had happened!!!! Too Cool!! It can only get easier. Now I'm not sure if I want to even drink any beer over the 4th. Guess ODAT!!

Couldn't do this without you all--thank you---Day 25 for me AF!:h

[Loppy lugs]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Thanks everyone for the concern and the advice.

I was too stressed before to get back on the board but now I'm OK. It started to sort itself out in my head when I realised that I never honestly liked balls, big parties etc. I aways needed a drink to get me started.. keep me going..... become the life and soul of the party.... last man standing is always a woman.... etc, etc, etc

It is a very formal affair so having not given any special dietary requirements I am now stuck with whatever they give me. Shouldn't be a problem as long as they don't serve tiramisu for pudding but to be honest it is far too posh an event for that. Have an idea for next time though. I'll take one of my Muslim friends with me that will sort out the dietary requirements without any comments.

You buy Magic Knickers at Marks and Spensers. I guess you don't have them in the States.
The most unattractive underwear in the world but once on they really change your silhouette. You are no slimmer but there are no lumps and bumps. But!!! make sure you get undressed in the bathroom. Passion killers of the first order!

Refused the beta blockers from the docs for the panic attacks because I just don't need another addiction. My kid sister takes them and all I can see is arrested development. Nothing gets sorted. I think the panic attacks are for a reason and I need to work through my problems. Just slowly and carefully. The attacks make me think things through properly as they affect me rather than just thinking everyone else can do ....... whatever, so I shoud be able to as well. Well actually maybe I shouldn't. Maybe forcing myself to do thinks that were too difficult is what got me into this mess in the first place.

I see that everyone else has stresses in their lives too. I like that this is a safe place to come and vent. It shows that drinking isn't the answer to any of it, no matter how attractive an alcoholic fog seems at times. It doesn't fix whatever was wrong, broken or upsetting.

Congratulations to everyone on their alcohol free days.

Peanut where do you get all the energy? Can I have some please.

[Larisa]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Wow, Loppy, you're brave. I'll take a pill for anything if I think it'll help, seriously! But you do sound like you're doing better! I think you must be really strong underneath that layer of early sobriety worry. If I had magic knickers, I could do anything!

CS, sorry you're having a hard time. I'm just lucky I don't have a husband or I would be driving him nuts. This may be just as bad: I have a boyfriend (doesn't live with me) whom I met in AA who thinks I've been sober for over a year as opposed to 24 days. I know, I know...I'm an asshole. There's no way I can tell him now, and I don't see the point, especially since I really do love the boy but know it's not a forever thing.

Peanut, I'm so sorry for being an ignoramus. I would NEVER leave the house for any reason when it's under 70 degrees unless I had to. Sadly, I have to go to the gym to use the elliptical. I went once last week to do my hour and gave up after 15 minutes. I swear I thought I was going to fall asleep on the thing!

LVT, it's one thing to know this stuff in theory, but really weird when your body starts actually doing it, right? I'm a salty snacker - chips, cheese, that kind of stuff. Lately, I want cookies, candy bars - not me at all! But then again, I'm not getting the 1.5-2 bottles of red wine per day that my body is used to...weird.

FH...2 glasses per night??? Wow. That would be just enough to piss me off!

Have a great day!!

[Fresh Hope]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Today I WILL get back to AF. Feeling very sorry for myself and need to kick my ass into half full glass thinking.
Extremely sad, :upset: devastated really, about teenager in rehab school, although I know better I keep re-running a million different things in my head about her childhood that make me wonder if I have taken a different course, If I had made a different decision would she be healthy today....very pointless and destructive I know and I think I am over that period of grief......... really, until she left I think a large part of me felt that maybe she would grow-up, snap out of it, mature....

Enough! no more going backwards...Tally Ho! we charge ahead...

Thanks for all the comments, :h this thread keeps me honest if not AF, yet!
FH :thanks: :thanks:

[LVT25]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

ALRIGHT GUYS--HERE IS ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE FEEL GOOD SONGS----EVERYONE GET UP AND DANCE AND SING

[ame=

]YouTube - Walking On Sunshine - Katrina & The Waves[/ame]




Have a great weekend!:h

[Peanut]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

TGIF!!!!

Did't get to greet you all yesterday - working like a bugger here, and at home too. Getting that other room painted and actually painted the ceiling too, and got out for a drink with a group of "mums" (my son's friends' mums) wednesday evening for a little bit. I was a bit late, and i think they had already "discussed" my email comment about my intention of sipping soda and lime, having an "alcohol-free June" before I arrived, as they suspiciously made no comment when I did not order my usual half-carafe of wine!!! Hmmmm.... no wonder my ears were burning as I zoomed over to the pub to meet up with them.... It makes you wonder how other people actually viewed you or saw you as a "drinker"... know what I mean?? Maybe they always thought I had a problem ......

Anyway - some comments:

Larisa - I think you need some toughening up!!!! Must get you out in some REAL weather!!! Get you out running in the cool (ahem..... -25C at least!!) air, get those lungs in shape! That'll wake you up and get the blood flowing!

Rusty- where are you??? On day 27??
Sill waiting to hear how NTC did on her trip up to Canada last weekend. I wonder - are you back home yet NTC???

LVT - day 27AF?? Guess what tune I've been whistling here at work?!?!?! Ha!! So your boys are driving you a bit nutty?? I think that is what they are supposed to do!!!

Loppy - tonight is the big ball. I can't imagine going to a big, formal ball!!! I hope you enjoy it! You sounded much better your last posting. Try to have some fun, OK? Who are you going with? You have a date or a friend going with you?? And I do love the magic knicker discussions. There is something so Bridget Jone-ish about the whole thing! Makes me laugh!

So, CS04 - did the washing machine repair man come??? What a big stinky drag!!! I would die if anything happened to mine. My parents bought me mine about 20 years ago, when my first baby was just a couple months old - a used (5 years old) large-load capacity Maytag - so it is now 25 years old, and I've never had one problem with it. Still in perfect running shape, and I can really jam it full. When that thing goes, i don't know what I will do!

FreshHope - stopping at 2 glasses of wine, that's pretty darn good - isn't that modding???? And, I know how hard it is with your daughter. I'm not sure what happens at Rehab high school, especially during the summer months. And going over what you could have done differently, it is hard to stop that behaviour. I have an 18yo who has had a very difficult teen life - very difficult life in general actually. Had OCD, and it got really bad when the Psych put her on prozac at 15yo!!!! Things went really bad then, as she lost all her inhibition, started doing all sorts of very dangerous things, cutting herself, etc. dropped out of school. My biggest regret in all the horrific things that were happening? That I kept drinking through it all. I now think back and wish that I was sober through all those weekends so that I could have dealt with it all better. And, to top it off, before I knew I was pregnant with her, I did some magic mushrooms, found out 2 days later I was pregnant, and so all through her life (she was difficult ever since she could snatch a toy out of her sister's hand), I always wondered if her troubles were due to what I did, were my fault, even though I talked to my doctor and was reasuured time and again that it wasn't, or if I could have guided her differently if I hadn't been drunk and so permissive as a parent after my marriage broke up, or if I had stayed with my husband.....Oh, the IF's go on and on and on....

I think at some point we have to stop looking back at what we could have done differently to prevent and just hope for the best in the future for them. I have just been hit with another huge hurdle for my daughter - not wholely unexpected - we are just trying to make sure she is going to graduate grade 12, and now this huge crisis (man! it's enough to drive me to drink!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!) -it is hard to deal with and help her with it as she is in a different city, but we will get through it as best we can. It is just always so hard.

So chin up - as you said, Tally ho, charge ahead, full steam!!!! One day, they will be all grown up!!!

I really have to get back to work here! Data to enter and analyze - too many numbers, my brain just may go numb!!!
Have a fabulous friday!
Love to you all!
xoxoxo Peanut

[Peanut]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

By the way, I'm lovin' the Drink Tracker, all those zeros, all lines up in a neat little row!!! It gives me the resolve to complete the line!!!

[Larisa]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Me too, P! It's the highlight of my day, that .00000000043 of a second!

[Fresh Hope]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hey Peanut= love your spinning leaf! O Canada ...
At Therapeutic high school Kids go in and out as needed so it runs all the time, independent study for credits and lots of therapy for addictions of all sorts. Strict but very nice and supportive, she is very lucky and I am trying to only look forward. I was trying to do low carb and AF and I think I will stick to AF and try to just take some pressure off. Have a few days away next week but should be OK these friends are almost non-drinkers.
Yeah I can moderate, but only for a few days then it builds again. IMO I doubt your daughter?s behaviour is attributable to any thing you consumed especially OTO.

CS04 Having washing machine issues here too. Not draining, last time this happened they found 35!!! coins hair pins and assorted crap clogging the drain line... if this keeps up it would be cheaper to but a new machine.

Loppy I hope you and your knickers are dancing and whooping it up at the ball. Maybe AF will be like magic knickers and I will lose the ugly thirty lbs that is all on my gut.

Larisa , 2 glasses might piss me off too especially if I couldn?t have more, if I ran out or was in public, but I can sometimes mod, but not for long and it increases after a few days...I think I said that already ...honest I haven?t been drinking, :H

So a few of us here are on the computer hours a day. Anybody have good ideas about an ergo mouse? I have wicked RSI in my hand.

Have great weekend all... I am tired and AF day 1!
Gonna eat a peanut butter sandwich and go to bed...Hubby is watching 10,000 BC not my kinda movie

Love all of you
FH :h

[Rusty-576]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hey peanut; I am sorry being busy with grad and everything here congrad on day 27, can you believe it.. I too made day 27 and am just finding out who I am, finally getting over being tired and looking forward to the weekend. that hasn't happened for a long time.
I hope I will be here more and am looking forward to meeting more people have a great weekend all.
:goodjob:Peanut

[CS04]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

NOW WHAT?

Well guys, I have to confess. I did not make my 30, You know I crashed about halfway thru, but then did another week after that AF. Then, I was cooking dinner Wed. night, and my stepston (yeah, the 17 yo, who does not drink but knows as much as I do about food and cooking) suggested that the beef w/peppers needed some red wine, and well, once it was open...Sorry to be a disappointment. But, I made it 20 or 21 days throughout June.

But here is my dilemma, and maybe Peanut, LVT, Larisa -- you may be faced with this too, once you reach the end of your 30 -- if there is to be an end to your 30, or whatever you are choosing. NOW WHAT? What kind of a drinker am I? What kind of a drinker am I now, after (almost) 30 days of nondrinking? I had too much wine that 1st night, but had a couple beers last night, and went out with girlfriends for Mexican dinner tonight (left baby home with daddy! nice night out for me!)

Anyway, so here I am. I don't want to go back to square one. But I feel weird. Do I have AF nights during the week (while hubby still drinks during dinner and thru the rest of the evening)? Do I have just one glass of wine at dinner -- ha ha, who are we kidding, and have I really changed any habits (which also scares me) (tolerance has not changed in a month) Where do I go from here?? Hubby has not said anything.

I did not want to confess all this to you all; maybe you saw it coming with my slip earlier in the month, and maybe I'm weak or shallow. I just feel confused, because I don't even know who I am right now.

Thanks, dear friends. I appreciate everything.

[Fresh Hope]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

HI CS
Well I haven’t made it very far into AF but I too wonder what is life like after AF 30 days...assuming I get there. Somewhere on this board there must be members that can answer your question. Maybe start a thread with that question?
Also I skim read Day 31 and Beyond: "Hello, I'm a non-drinker" maybe something there for this dilemma.
FH

[LVT25]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hi guys,

CS--good question. And no one is disappointed in you! I think we get so used to letting ourselves down, that when we have a couple of drinks it seems like we have been really bad--not the case, is it really??

I'm coming up on 30 days REAL soon. Thinking about taking the camper out to the lake today, ran into a drinking friend yesterday, and the wheels started turning "what it I make it to 28 days--is that close enough? Will I hate myself?" Or worse yet--will I want to smoke so bad that I'll cave like I ALWAYS have in the past?" So I decided, I need to get through this weekend and do the 30 days--I bought some AF beer, and will mix with tomato juice if I feel the need. Friends from out of town called, wanted us to go to the bar last night--luckily hubby didn't want to! Sorry, kind of got off track here....

I think after 30 days, I'll stay AF unless I really want a beer, or there is a social event. I need to try it again so I don't become a total recluse! But for the most part, the hangovers scare the hell out of me---to think I was having them almost daily. I hate to put any toxins in me--I've worked so hard to clean myself out!!:H
Does any of this make sense? I think we need to decide for ourselves what we can and want to do. I'm never going to drink and drive again--that should help a great deal, I think I'm over drinking by myself at home--it's the socializing that kills my program!

Wishing everyone a great weekend!:h