Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

[wonderworld]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Good morning!! I'll need to do some reading to see who's around here, but I wanted to say a general hello to all my friends on this thread ASAP. It's been a while, to say the least. I have been doing really well. An incredible short term job with travel followed by a house full of out- of- town family for a week-long visit kept me away from MWO, and, well, all my day to day routines, for, oh, like 2 months?!?!?!

Anyway, I am slowly easing back into my regular life. I have been AF this whole time and, well, it has been fascinating, gratifying, challenging here and there, but mostly an awesome freedom, to be honest. There have been maybe 3 times when I really felt an urge. This was usually when I was hungry, tired, anxious, and/or out of sorts in some other way. A good meal, a rest, a hot shower and change of clothes, a phone call to a friendly voice, making a little time to just have fun ...... those kinds of things helped me shift my perspective. And, as far as the drink and actually crossing the line and having one (as if there were such a thing as 'one'), well, I found I was "thinking it through" in a about 5 seconds flat. The trade-off was just so clear, it made the decision easy. I knew exactly where it would lead (AL's shackles and shame and depression), how I would feel the next day (YUK doesn't even come close), what I would lose. I knew that - bottom line - I would actually be risking my life, not to mention instantly throwing away whatever good health, peace of mind, self esteem, hope and happiness I have gained since January whatever. I just couldn't bullshit myself. I couldn't even try. With a lifetime of disastrous 'experiments' in the laboratory of AL, and now this wonderful new life, AF and happy once again thank God. I just know too much. I REFUSE to let that slimy AL run my life. REFUSE.

wow. That was a mouthful. I don't want to make anyone feel bad who's struggling, or for it to sound like I'm bragging. It's just that I hate what AL does to us so much. And when I got to MWO last October he was kicking my ass for the 90 billionth time and I was sure life would never feel good again. That's all I'm saying. F the beast.

Love you guys. Going to do my best to catch up around here this weekend.

WW xox

[LVT25]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

WW--I'm so glad you're back and doing so well. Thank you so much for posting. I'm just finishing up 30 days, and wondering what to do from here. Your words are very inspiring.
Looking forward to seeing you around more!:h

[Peanut]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Goodmorning Friends - and a big hello to Wonderworld!!!! Very, very nice to hear from you. Look at this thread you created back at the beginning of May! Still going!!! Thankyou! Sounds like you are still going strong and are happy with your new AF life!

Looks like several of us are struggling with the "what next" question. I know I am - have been thinking about it this whole past week. It is making me really nervous actually. I know I will make the 30 days, my goal numero uno, because I won't be very happy with myself if I don't. I think in May, once the first slip -up happened, I then allowed the others to happen because, well, I already messed up the month, but June I really put my mind to it, and given my OCD tendencies, and I can be pretty stubborn - well, that was that. But now, where do I go from here??? My brother quit drinking for 3 months, and basically went back to his old daily habits, and figures I will do just the same (fuckyou, I say, I'm gonna prove you wrong!!!)

SOOOOO, goal number two!!! Thou shalt not drink on work nights!!! If I can achieve that, which was what I really wanted to acheive when I started this whole thing - I will be very, very happy. I hated going to work all bleary and stinking of wine!!! Having to stand back from people, pretending to be on the ball and with it. It is great being there, being able to look people in the eye, a "non-twitching" eye, without feeling paranoid that they are thinking that I must be hungover! Also, being able to go running at lunch, swim well in the evenings, and smoke less, and feel good.

The final goal is the more difficult one and the one that scares me and makes me not want to take that first drink - the one that stems from my "one's too many, ten's not enough" problem. Hmmmm..... How does one stop that?? How the hell does one moderate?? How can you learn to moderate by abstaining? I know what Larisa means, 2 glasses of wine would just piss me off. I don't want 1 glass - I want the bottle, nay, more! Or noma'am, when she said in one thread that she just wants this AF things to be over with so she can get drunk again. This is my stupid mind set.

The day after day 30, is July 1 - that is Canada Day - of course celebrations everywhere, which in itself doesn't mean i have to drink, but we are having another hash run, and will end up in a rooftop bar downtown, and I will have completed the 30 days. I am supposed to work the next day, so I will not drink, but I just might NOT work the next day, so will I drink? I was not planning on it, so maybe I should just damn well go to work, and be done with it. I was planning on drinking that bottle of champagne with BF on friday July4 (celebrate with you Americans I guess), and just make sure there is no more wine in the house than that and see how it goes. hmmmm.... Oh, I don't know!!! It is all just too confusing for me!!

So, I best get. We have a big run out of town today, and I have to make a big batch of Sangria. I was standing in the wine aisle at the liquor store yesterday, talking out loud to myself as per usual these days, groaning, 'what am I doing here!!! Oh, that one would look just lovely in my fridge. Oh, why me!!!" Anyway, I bought a huge, cheap bottle of Italian red wine and will add some triple sec and scotch - get those runner all tipsy on top of all the beer after the run - good thing I can drive most of them home in my big Chevy Astro van!!! See? They need a designated driver! Especially the one who is going to get them drunk in the first place. I am responsible for getting all the beer for after the runs! ha! the alcoholic of the group! quite laughable!!!

CS04 - you are not a disappointment!!! (waggle, waggle) - some food items just need redwine, and those bottles just can't sit there. We all understand. Look at the big picture - the whole month of June - you have done very well!!

Hey Larisa - I think you have a point with the Topa and sleepiness - everyday about 3pm, I need a coffee and one Timbit (doughnut hole) and then a power nap when I get home - just soooo sleepy!!!

Loppy - the Ball???? Updates please??

Rusty - you just be busy - highschool grad?? Hang in there - we are almost there!
LVT - yes - 30 days, just around the corner!
FH - no self blame for the kids, right! And don't worry about the low carb - concentrate on AF and the pounds will eventually come off. One thing at a time

OK - time to go make Sangria and a salad and get ready for the big run. It will be swamp out there as it has been raining for a couple days, and we will be in bush trails. Yuck. Best bring a change of clothes!
Have a great weekend everybody!
xoxoxo Peanut

[Fresh Hope]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

What is a hash run?? SOunds like something my 22yro would like.
FH

[Rusty-576]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hi
Peanut; yes what to do after 30 days. I know I can make 30 days that isn't even a reach now, but what is next. I never thought to much ahead of my goal, but now is the time to think about it. It sure feel good to wake up alert and ready to start the day, June has been a bad month for me with a lot of problems and a lot of soul searching. I think for me is just to do another 30 days untill I have a idea what it is I want.
thanks for everything and I will keep posting

[CS04]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hi Rusty, Peanut, LVT, Loppy, Fresh Hope and everyone.
I understand soul searching. June has been a rough month -- well, April and May were rough too I guess. Like I said in my post last night == Now what? I know I would have felt this conundrum had I made my 30 (or at least what would have been my 30, which would have been July 4). In a way I feel a sense of relief. Peanut, I loved your comment relayed by Noma'am, getting this AF thing over with so can get drunk again.But I just don't know where I'm going from here. Did I really think magic was going to kick in and turn me into a "I'll only have 1 or 2" a night? I felt kind of lazy and crappy today and I didn't like that much at all. I am wondering if because I have been feeling better emotionally (ADs kicking in, or enough AF time) it was just easy to slip back into drinking. I need to have another hart to heart with hubby, although I know he does not really understand howI feel about all of these drinking issues. I almost want to drink even more now -- isn't that crazy? I shouldn't say that but there is an itch there. Iknow these thoughts are stupid but I am sharing them in case anyone else feels as trepidatious. I do feel like I put in some long hard time, thoughts and reading (and soul searching) during AF June so i need to consider what that has taught me.

Stay in touch, guys; I have a feeling tomorrow could be weird.

[Ripple]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Tomorrow is day 14 Again for Ripples...:h

[jessie]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hallo everyone,
Wonderworld, you I such an inspiration. I would like to know what happened to make you realize that you've hit bottom? Peanut, Rusty, CS04 - I made it to 17 days AF in June and 2 mod. Gues what? The mod evenings continued the next 3-4 days in binges that left me with panic attacks and the knowledge that I dropped clients and kids. I am teaching myself to hate AL. I'll be glad for you who can moderate, but for me it is not an option. I am a full blown alcoholic and must stay away from that first glass.Please think of me, pray for me because I'll be so proud if I could reach 30 days - and then I will know it will have to be forever!
Enjoy your day.
Jessie

[Ripple]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

I did it...today is Sunday and I didn't pee my pants or fall! :H

[Fresh Hope]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Starting day 3AF and reading lots about sugar, low carb and the AF connection, trying to obtain an old book, Sugar Blues, by William Duffy ( and Gloria Swanson)..... read this in my early twenties; it left quite an impression and for many years I stayed away from all obvious sugars, dropped all soda pop and juice and still never drink it, stayed away from anything overtly white, such as Wonder bread, baguettes, rice, etc. Interestingly, I was a very light drinker, almost abstemious really, until ten years ago, about the same time I let white stuff back in, when I could not battle teenagers any more about what they liked to eat etc.

Well, I seem to have lost that knowledge and I will post what I re-discover...I know this is not ?news? but worth re-visiting as I go AF. Also, Potatoes, not Prozac is supposed to be a good book for info re: dropping sugar and the AL connection.

I try to visualize nasty sugar molecules and see them as warrior invaders destroying my body and brain...getting a little graphic and slightly off kilter here, but whatever works.

Stay strong friends, I think about all of you all the time :l :h , Loppy you are always in a ball gown

FH
__________________
I would love to live / Like a river flows / Carried by the surprise / Of its own unfolding.

[1967]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

i'm right there w/ya... day 2 for me. i fear the same...dealing w/all the things i've been numbing w/vino for so long. how are you doing?

[LVT25]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Good morning! CS--how's it going today? Loppy, we're waiting to hear about the ball!
Hi Jessie, ripple and welcome 1967!

Yes, a few of us regulars here are coming right up on 30 days, and I for one feel pretty good--(she says with caution). I'm still not sure what is next--but I DO know it's really, really, important to take ODAT!!

Worked my butt off yesterday--got a sunburn--stupid! I think today I'll take the day off and take the camper (and the family) to the lake. Have a great day all!:h

[ame=

]YouTube - Louis Armstrong - What A Wonderful World[/ame]

[wonderworld]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Good morning friends!

So good to see everyone. And how totally awesome that a group is about to hit 30 days. This is such a MAJOR accomplishment. HUGE. Congratulations to each and everyone of you. It's so thrilling to me when AL gets a kick in the nads (sorry to any boys) from the likes of us. It's the BEST !!

As far as next steps LVT and anyone else, I can only share my experience (okay and a couple of suggestions). But first, I want to also commend you guys on considering your next steps so openly. I think that shows that your motivation is sound, that you've gained the mental clarity that is the reason for the 30 days AF suggested by MWO and that you are truly looking for YOUR best answer. Way to go.

For myself, I never really considered trying to moderate, so my goal was to go from day 30 to day 31, 32, 33, and so on. When I first joined MWO, it was after a lifetime struggle with alcohol (which included some long stretches of AF - with the help of AA early on), and I knew in my heart of hearts that AF was best for me. So for me, the issue was not "What", but "How".

Like you, we also had a small group hitting 30 days at about the same time, and we decided to go forward to 60 days together. While some of the ups and downs continued, the baseline situation seemed to improve for all of us as the days between 30 and 60 passed. I mean improvement to the basic sense of well being, security in AF, clarity in relationships and life siutations in general, increased self esteem, hope........ so many things. What I mean to say, is that the positive changes kept coming, so the momentum toward sober living kept flowing and it got easier. (And p.s. - some of those people were not sure of their next steps at 30 days either. Some just went for the 60 days anyway.)

We were also aware of how much our brains were still healing! Literature about the brain recovering from the effects of alcohol says that the brain is not only capabale of amazing healing over years, but that in those early weeks, leading up to 90 days, there was significant PHYSICAL healing to the brain going on. For myself, this led to alot of curiosity about how I would 'be', when my brain was better! I could feel the vice grip of the alcohol loosening in general and I wanted to see what was next.

And having the peer support - continuing to share what was happening with people at the same stage of AF - was REALLY important, to say the least.

So...... I guess the big question is..... do you want to try to moderate, or do you want to keep going AF? If it's moderating, then hooking up with other MWO moderators and finding out what works for them would be next, no? And of course, the MWO book has lots about the moderating meds and other moderating stuff too. If you want to commit to 30-60 days AF.......... then just keep going!!! That was when we started the "30 and beyond" thread (Though it started as "30-60 days"). If you guys want to hop on over there, that would be awesome, or you could always start another "30-60" thread of your own.


So.... in case you couldn't tell...... I think you should go for it!!!! I mean, think of how much it has taken to get these 30 days. How much pain and heartache and disappointment it took, over many years maybe, to get to this point. Would you rather take a chance and drink............. or find out what's next ? For me, the drinking life is like a painting with only one color. But I couldn't really see, or KNOW that, until I was AF long enough for the rainbow to come back.

Love to all and Happy Sunday!

WW xx

[Ripple]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Oh Wonder, so happy to see you back! Will there be a pool party anytime soon? The last one was so much fun. :H

[wonderworld]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hey Rippy - I would love to have a pool party! HOWEVER, I'm on a totally new computer and my picture skills are zero as yet. I'm working on it........ stay tuned!

And good morning to everyone! Did I scare everyone away ? Hope not. I guess my, um, enthusiasm is hard to hide......

How is everybody?