Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living
Hi all, I hope all moms out there are getting ready for tomorrow. Wakeupmom, I hope your 12-year-old gives you a hug, if for no other reason then you're with him in the moment. Kiri, Wooflet, Wonderworld (you're an inspiration), Peanut, and all others posting here, I hope you're enjoying a dry Saturday night tonight. Frogtzer, welcome. I wish you the very best.
Today is day 21 for me. I'm realizing that I'm not shooting for an end point, a "Day 30", or a "Day 60", a "Day 90", or even a year. I am at last admitting that moderation is not an option for me. There is no landmark date that I can start drinking again. I will never be able to have just one drink and then stop volluntarily with just that one. I am incapable of having one glass of wine, one glass of beer, one martini, one whatever. Whenever I have one jolt of alcohol, I will want another, and then another, and then another. Last night I watched intently as a woman drank a Cosmopolitan in the sports bar. She would raise her glass, take a small sip, then set the glass down and talk to someone. She would raise it again, someone would say something, and then she would set the glass down without even taking a sip, so she could respond or laugh. She was still sipping that same drink when the waitress came to call us to our table. I could not have done that. I could not have raised the glass without taking a sip. I could not have been more interested in someone's conversation than that Cosmopolitan. I could not have made that drink last almost half an hour. I would have downed it within minutes and then my brain would have immediately been calculating when and how I would get the next one. "Is it too soon to order another?", "Will my husband get annoyed?" "Will the bartender start keeping count?" etc, etc, etc. I would have felt agitated and pre-occupied. This is just one of a multitude of indicants which all point to the same inescapable conclusion. The gig is up, I can't partake any more. There's no reason for me to have this addiction. I am blessed (and I do realize that I am blessed) with a nice husband, two basically good kids, a job I like, a house, a pretty smile, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah. There is no deep-rooted reason why I have an addictive personality. I simply do. I come from a long line of drinkers so maybe that accounts for it. But no matter, there is no magic bulltet that will make me into something that I am not. Frogtzer, you asked what works for others....for me, it's going to have to be admission that I can't do this any more, that abstinance is my only alternative. Sigh.
I enaged in a little retail therapy today. I bought some nice face cream and tried on some clothes (nothing rang my bell today). Life does go on.
Cheers to all (is that a dangerous adieu?) NTC
Hi all, I hope all moms out there are getting ready for tomorrow. Wakeupmom, I hope your 12-year-old gives you a hug, if for no other reason then you're with him in the moment. Kiri, Wooflet, Wonderworld (you're an inspiration), Peanut, and all others posting here, I hope you're enjoying a dry Saturday night tonight. Frogtzer, welcome. I wish you the very best.
Today is day 21 for me. I'm realizing that I'm not shooting for an end point, a "Day 30", or a "Day 60", a "Day 90", or even a year. I am at last admitting that moderation is not an option for me. There is no landmark date that I can start drinking again. I will never be able to have just one drink and then stop volluntarily with just that one. I am incapable of having one glass of wine, one glass of beer, one martini, one whatever. Whenever I have one jolt of alcohol, I will want another, and then another, and then another. Last night I watched intently as a woman drank a Cosmopolitan in the sports bar. She would raise her glass, take a small sip, then set the glass down and talk to someone. She would raise it again, someone would say something, and then she would set the glass down without even taking a sip, so she could respond or laugh. She was still sipping that same drink when the waitress came to call us to our table. I could not have done that. I could not have raised the glass without taking a sip. I could not have been more interested in someone's conversation than that Cosmopolitan. I could not have made that drink last almost half an hour. I would have downed it within minutes and then my brain would have immediately been calculating when and how I would get the next one. "Is it too soon to order another?", "Will my husband get annoyed?" "Will the bartender start keeping count?" etc, etc, etc. I would have felt agitated and pre-occupied. This is just one of a multitude of indicants which all point to the same inescapable conclusion. The gig is up, I can't partake any more. There's no reason for me to have this addiction. I am blessed (and I do realize that I am blessed) with a nice husband, two basically good kids, a job I like, a house, a pretty smile, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah. There is no deep-rooted reason why I have an addictive personality. I simply do. I come from a long line of drinkers so maybe that accounts for it. But no matter, there is no magic bulltet that will make me into something that I am not. Frogtzer, you asked what works for others....for me, it's going to have to be admission that I can't do this any more, that abstinance is my only alternative. Sigh.
I enaged in a little retail therapy today. I bought some nice face cream and tried on some clothes (nothing rang my bell today). Life does go on.
Cheers to all (is that a dangerous adieu?) NTC
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