Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

[ntcentral]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hi All,

Peanut, thanks for remembering me. It looks as if you've done really well the last while, even with the little wine the other night. I too love your analogy of the committee yammering in your head.

I did go to Canada and I fell off the wagon. I was there for five nights and two nights were marred by misbehavior (and that, my friends, is the understatement of the year). Since being home, I've had two big slips. This is indeed hard. Some nights seem so terribly easy and I think to myself that I'm way over any problem drinking. Then I'll go to a party and all of a sudden there will be a glass in my hand, one that never seems to empty.

I've been thinking about you all, and so glad to read this thread and catch up. Today is Fourth of July and I'm totally AF. Am off to see the fireworks but will check back more regularly. I send my very best to all of you (Loppy, where are you???) NTC

[Peanut]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hey - NTC - so good to hear from you!!!
Hope the Fourth of July holiday was fun for you. And not to worry - as long as you have been getting some AF nights i?? I had wine the other night and had absolutely no desire for anything last night - and I was scared that I would!!! Everyone seemed to say that one night would lead to a binge, but it didn't!!! Thank the heavens for that - not saying I'm over it all - but I will try stay AF for a few days until I feel like having some wine, maybe when my daughter arrives. Anyway, I hope you had fun on your 5 days away! At the end of the month, I will be going home - we will be interring my mother's ashes - my whole family (8 of us "kids") will be there - and that I am dreading - a whole whack of wine-o's, and my wine-o girlfriend who I stay with too. It really won't be easy. But I shan't worry about that yet!!! I have three weeks to prepare myself mentally until that adventure!!

It is a windy, blustery day out there today, which is nice after a roasting hot day yesterday, and i need to get to work straightening out my basement, but 4 extra 16-17yo kids slept over, and I don't think they came in until about 5am, and I'm sure my son is thinking that just because mom was asleep by midnight, doesn't mean everybody else has to get up early too!!! (I'm roaring around the house, singing of course!!)

I wish everybody a wonderful, productive, AF weekend - CS04, LVT, WW, Thankful, Loppy (wherever you are!) and Larisa, Rusty and the others who have "moved to the other thread!!!" (I suppose I shouldn't be here either?? But I like it here!!!)
xoxoxo Peanut

[Rusty-576]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

hey peanut I miss you in the new thread, I will be here too. Wow you have started modding please tell me how that is going, I don't think that I can do that.
I hope all of american friends have a happy long weekend

[CS04]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hi all,
NTC, I've been thinkng of you too. I also have been misbehabing -- no trips to Canada, but back to drinking too much. I know I shouldn't be but I don't want to try another 30 right now. So I probably shouldn't be posting here at all, but this is my place to connect, I suppose. I've felt confused for a week or so, now, but don't know what to do about it.

Jessie, how are you doing? Loppy? Since so many passed the 30 point, this thread is really quiet.

[Thankful]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hi, everyone!

I know I have missed so much going on with all of you. Shame on me, but I would need about 3 days just to try and get caught up so forgive me please.

I just wanted to let you know that I think about you all often. I hope you are all doing well.
Please stay strong!! This is a battle for your life! If someone or something (heaven forbid) were harming a family member what would you do??? You would knock yourself crazy trying to protect your love one from the harm. Same thing with you and your battle with AL. Start knocking yourselves crazy to protect yourselves from the harm!!! You are not worth any less than anyone else you would save!! Remember that!!!

Love to all ~ Peace

Love, Me
:l

[Thankful]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

I know I shouldn't be but I don't want to try another 30 right now. So I probably shouldn't be posting here at all, but this is my place to connect, I suppose. I've felt confused for a week or so, now, but don't know what to do about it.

CS ~ talk to us, girl. Don't even think about not being here. I am very concerned that you are not interested in going another 30 days. Not because I think you should. What I think does not matter. I am concerned because the tone sounds like you just don't care. And that scares me a little. If I am wrong, please let me know and I'll shut up.

The only things that is going to help you get out of this nasty rut is to abstain. But we can't make you. You have to want to. If you don't want to, then please try to figure out why you are unhappy and why you don't want to change it. You don't have to tell us why. Just journal all of these thoughts for yourself. I am only trying to help, hun. I hope I am not coming off as overbearing or pushy. I care about you. I truly do.

Please take care of yourself. And please always remember that you matter to us. You are worth fighting for CS. :huggy

Love, Me
:l:h:l

[alioop]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

6th day and feeling hope

I got REALLY sick last Weds and decided enough is enough. I had read the book and was pretty much ready to go. I've started on Topo and the All-One and am waiting for my cd's. I'm having a lot of trouble with insomnia though and horrible muscle pain in lower and upper back muscles. have been working out (got back into that slowly). Used to drink at least a bottle and a half of wine (usually sparkling) a night. I was losing my memory--frequent blackouts and having a horrible time getting up and functioning in the a.m. I am feeling gradually better. I haven't been to a dr. and know that I should. I am feeling positive about my progress though, and am really looking forward to the cd's, and am hoping that they will help with my sleep. This program is so very exciting and hopeful!

alioop:new:

[Fresh Hope]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hi All
Haven?t been here for a while. Moding very well 2 or 1 or no glasses of wine, Was away and that was quite good, my friend is a mod or none so that made it easier.. I will catch up on my reading now and see what everyone has been doing. It?s good to be back here
FH

[CS04]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Still lost

Well, I keep letting more cats out of the bag. I had lunch with a girlfriend on Tues. and we really talked about the AL problem. I cried at the table. I also talked to another friend today -- both of these friends had alcoholic fathers who got sober thru AA, and all our hubbies are best friends. So now I feel like it's OUT THERE. I had my 14+7 days last month, but have been drinking a lot over the past coulpe weeks. When I got to contemplating life after a 30, I didn't know what to do, who to be or how to think...so I went back to the same old same old. Hubby is suportive of my wanting to "do something" but know if I ask him to get AL out of the house, he won't. I feel likeI have said all these things here before, and didn't want to tackle another 30 right now, now that I have admitted to friends, I have to do something. I have shared many of these thoughts in chat, and stayin up late too which is not good. My sleeping is still a wreck. I guess I thought that I would do a 30 and then stick my tongue out and go "There! Ha ha" but I didn't get past a couple of weeks, so now I haven't tried. I know this sounds fatalistic. I took Topa for about 2 months and am still taking some supps; some of it worked and some didn't. I know they are not magic pills but I kept saying earliier I am missing a piece. Maybe I need some different tools (the 1st friend is a big proponent of AA) and just have been floundering for what to do now. I probably also should post this on another thread, cause this one doesn't seem to get much notice anymore. I feel like I need to get my shit together this summer, because that is the "time" I set aside for myself. Been very upset the last couple days ahd haven't talked to hubby. This weekend we are going out of town -- lots of beer involved, adn a fancy cocktail party on Sat. sO I don't want to tackle this over the weekend. Sorry if I am repeating myself but I just can't get my head together, and I wasn't getting the clarity I had hoped for during those AF days either. Blah.

[CS04]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Please help me get back on track

I am posting here on this thread because I don't know where else to go. As I type this I'm crying. I should start another 30, I should ODAT, I should, I shouyld, I should..... I think my friends are upset with me. Why can't I commit to this. I just wanted to drink with reckless abandon this weekend...and did (well, not Friday). I feel even worse for not being successful at my 30. I am waiting for the lightbulb to go on over my head, and I thought this would work, and I am obviously not doing something right. I don't know what to do or who to be.

[Fresh Hope]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

CS, Sorry you are having such a hard time. I have so many ideas and things to offer but I am sure you have heard them all....so I will just say Keep going.
You say you don?t know who you are or want to be...well I see someone who wants to be healthy and has had success in the past and will have success in the future. You stumbled and want to give up, we all do!! But here you are writing and thinking and thinking and writing....these are very healthy self caring steps that you are taking... you are moving forward and improving.
You tripped up ....it happens to all of us... you today, me tomorrow and that is why we all come here. Keep writing and look to all of us for support.

Lots of warm hugs :h :h
FH

[LVT25]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hi CS

I wish I had some really great advice for you, but I really don't. I do however care very much, and I hope you find the motivation you need to do this. Once in awhile I get this feeling that it just isn't as exciting (the honeymoon period some call it) as it was. Hubby is grouchy with me, He says it's me. I think he wants to think that being AF is making me bitchy or "short".
Frankly I feel really good and then he says or does something that I really take offense to, and then I am bitchy. I'm going to get my journal back out and see if I can see a pattern. I'm almost certain my moods are hormone related--I am trying all of the "mood" supplements. I had a "thought" last night walking as I was thinking about this funeral. Funerals around here tend to turn into a drunkfest. My thought was it would sure be nice to cut loose and have a few beers and ciggies---dammit!! Luckily those thoughts don't come often, but I think for some they must. Mine seem to hit out of the blue.
Anyway--kinda got off track there, sorry. I want to cheer you up, so pm me your address and I will send you some zucchini!!! Sorry, that's all that's ready right now.
Take care, and pm me anytime ok?:h

[Peanut]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Hi guys!

Oh CS - not an easy time, is it!!! I guess you have to decide what you really want to do. I know you say you "should" do a 30day AF stint - but why should you?? Who says you should??? Do you want to?? Do you think it will help you??? Do you think that maybe trying to do 30 days and not succeeding is making you feel worse than just taking it ODAT??? Maybe you have to just take a step back and not be so hard on yourself. Take a couple weeks off here, and just try every day to get through just that day, just that one single day, and don't think about 30 days any more. If, in the future you want to try again, then you can do it. Maybe try in August or something, have a bit of time to prepare and rev yourself up to a start date, get prepared. I find that works for me! Or say do 2 weeks AF at a time - maybe that is more manageable for you, and when you get 2 weeks done, then try for another. Change tactics, eh??? Why are your friends upset with you? Are they? Or do you just think they are? A big hug to you from me, ok? We are all here with you, and although we all don't know exactly how we can help you, we are standing behind you and will support you in anyway we can!!!

LVT - good luck with your dilemma too - funerals and drinking.... hmmmm.... they do seem to happen together! That is just so sad what has happened!!!

I have - of course - given in to my drinking urges just a bit. We had a small celebration last night for my 18yo daughter for finishing up high school. Quite a decadent dinner. and had wine and then some friends came over and I was up VERY late and had to finish off the wine and my kids all came home and I had some words with my older daughter, etc. Hmmm...... I really shouldn't drink!!! So, AF again for a few more days. I really should go through another weekend AF I think. My older girl leaves very early tomorrow morning - her dad will take her to the airport. I will miss her - it was a short visit, but well worth the cost in airmiles!! Ha!!

OK - talk to you all soon!
oxoxo Peanut

[CS04]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

Gonna try again - I think

Hi Peanut, LVT, FreshHope and anyone else who may still be lurking around this thread.

Things have still been rough. Drinking too much, and not talking to hubby (not that we are fighting, but we aren't really communicating like we should be). I think I 'fessed up here a couple weeks ago that I had shared my thoughts/problems with AL with a couple of close girlfriends, both of whose fathers were alcoholics. They are both advocates of AA, which I don't like, but I realize I need some different tools to help me go forward. So...I went to a meeting today, biut had to leave early, so while the meeting was going on, I went up to the person leading it and told her I needed a phone #, so I called her this afternoon and she was very supportive. I don't know wher I will go with it, and will have to share this with hubby, but I have to rein myself back in.

I also really liked Bessie's comments approach about ODAT. I feel thatI "should" try again for a 30, but Peanut said similar things too. So I am not sure what to do, still; maybe the ODAT way is best right now. Before, though, I felt that gave me too much leeway (oops! drank tonight! Guess I'll try again tomorrow) = no plan. Anyway, my 17 yo stepson is at his aunt's for a few days, soI want to talk to hubby while he is gone. Wish me luck tonight. I miss you guys and hope you're doing well: AF or modding, or still just searching.

[KateH1]

Days 1-30: Hello Sober Living

I agree with the others CS, whether it is easier for you to do ODAT working towards 30 Days, or just set your goal at 30, sounds like you need to comitt to not drinking. On this thread, you will find that most of us have way over 30 Days AF. We all started with one day......now, most of us are AF for over six months! We are no different from you or anyone else here. It was not easy, especially at first. But the outcome is so worthwhile!

Good Luck!
Kate