Hi,
I've found something out quite interesting for me, and wanted to share.
I've been taking 60mg of prozac since January. I'd started on 20mg in July last year, wasn't working so docs upped it to 40mg, then a psychiatrist, put me on olanzepine for bipolar, they completely knocked me out, I was struggling getting normal everyday things done as it was, I certainly didn't need knocking out. I didn't have the strength or confidence to ask for help, so I just carried on with 40mg of prozac untill my next appointment with the psychiatrist.
I know drinking doesn't help depression and counteracts the anti d's, and believe me by this time I had cut back a lot. However, I felt so much emotional and mental anguish, I felt the only way to get some relief was to get drunk. And I did get some temporay relief in the first hour or two of drinking. I felt trapped on some sort of sick merrygoround. I saw the psychiatrist in January and told her about my drinking and that I hadn't been taking the olanzepine. She told me to stop drinking and upped the prozac to 60mg.
I cut back more on my drinking but I really was up and down bingeing. The 60mg of prozac did lift the depression enough for me to phone a Drug & Alcohol centre for an appointment. I was offered one on the 14th Feb, guess what I did on the 13th, drank 3 bottles of wine and never made it to the appointment cause I was too hungover, talk about insane self sabatage. I felt terrible not just from the hangover but for not getting to the appointment and not phoneing them up cause I felt so bad & guilty for wasting their time. I bucked up the courage 2days later and phoned to apologise and make another appointment. They were very nice with me but said that they were quite booked up and I'd have to wait a while, they would call me when they had a space for me.
In the meantime I received a letter from my docs surgery asking me to make an appointment for a thyroid test (I had borderline results a few years ago so they test me every year) I kept putting off making the appointment, I felt so low and only felt safe at home, anyway, I needed a repeat perscription for my anti d's so I thought I'd make the appointment same time I was on the phone. The receptionist told me they had a cancellation, could I be there in 20mins. Luckily I hadn't been drinking the night before so wasn't too shakey and didn't look like something out of the Rocky Horror Show so I went.
On leaving I made an appointment to see the doc for my results.
19th March went to see doc my thyroid results were fine. I hadn't seen this particular doctor for awhile, he knows my history of depression and was shocked a couple of years ago when I told him about my drinking. He was looking through my notes and could see what had been going on over the past 18mths and ask me how I was feeling, at this point I broke down crying. I told him my drinking was still a problem and that I was waiting for an appointment, the depression had got a bit better, I could get out of bed and wasn't having suicidal thoughts anymore, but I just felt so completely empty, like a shell of a person just going through the motions, and I'd felt like this since coming out of a manic high in July last year, f**king horrible. (sorry) I explained about the olanzepine for my bipolar and how it completely wiped me out. Then he gets out THE book of medications and suggested lithium carbonate and another med, can't remember the name, anyway we decided to go with the lithium because the other one was mainly for mainia, whereas lithium is for both mainia and depression, doc said it can boost the anti d's.
Boost em, my God after a week of taking them I felt a lot better. One day there I was happily washing up
and I thought I'm gonna phone that alcohol place and see how much longer my appointment will take to come through, about a minute later, no joke, the phone rang and it was the AL centre offering me an appointment:shocked: cool or what hey?
My first appointment, at the very end of March was about getting a history of my habits, I was told my next appointment I would see one of the counsellors and be assigned a key worker. When I got home from my first appointment the AL centre called with a cancellation for the next day. I saw a very nice lady who is also my key worker now. I was offered rehab but because I don't have anyone to look after my children I had to decline, otherwise I'd have jumped at the chance. I have to tell you that when I came home from that appointment I drank and got wasted, my thinking was one last blow out kinda thing, it wasn't, I drank again during that week but not as much as I would normaly. I told my key worker next visit and we added it up to about 36units not bad at all for me. After that appointment I went home and drank, doh!! Am I completely insane, this was the night my daughter videoed me on her phone.
This is the point I gave myself a really good talking to I was really angry with myself and with AL, the sick twisted bastard. I knew if I was to get anywhere I had to get a good run of AF time behind me My goal is 30days I'm at 23 today and I KNOW I'll make 30. Then it's on to the next 30. I think I'm at the stage where I can handle 30 days at a time, ODAT isn't a big enough commitment for me, my brain and AL trick me with that concept, yep, 30days is better for me.
Anyway, what I was initially trying to get to was about the lithium. I think had I not started that medication I'd still be struggling. Its help my depression so I have been able to think more positively, I feel so much stronger mentally, strong enough to put up a good fight. Because I've managed to get Al out of my system I'm now getting self esteem, self belief and trust in myself, and it's real it's not mania, drugs or alcohol. How cool is that?
I googled lithium carbonate the other night and found out that they have been doing research into using it to treat alcoholism. A number of double-blind placebo controlled trials have been done with very good results for the patients taking the lithium. I don't know if my doctor know this but I'll be telling him next week.
You really do need that mental strength to fight this, I've heard many times it's a disease of the mind, of your thinking and it is. A very insane disease.
Coming here every day has helped enormously. My pc broke last oct/nov, I only managed to get it fixed at the beginning of April and the first thing I did was log on here. It feels weird to me, like everything has come together, perfectly timed.
Do you know what? I'm feeling really blessed right now and all loved up :l
If you've managed to read to the end :clapclap: you've done very well. I never intended for this to be so long. I have a hard time condensing things and tend to go all the way round the houses before I get to my point, another affliction I inherited from my mum, bless her.
I don't even know what my point is
Everybody should get their mental health check out so and give themselves the best possible chance of beating AL with another tool for the bag, that all important power of the mind.
I hope lots of blessing rain down on you all and that your in the right place at the right time to recognise them and take full advantage.
want
xxxxx
I've found something out quite interesting for me, and wanted to share.
I've been taking 60mg of prozac since January. I'd started on 20mg in July last year, wasn't working so docs upped it to 40mg, then a psychiatrist, put me on olanzepine for bipolar, they completely knocked me out, I was struggling getting normal everyday things done as it was, I certainly didn't need knocking out. I didn't have the strength or confidence to ask for help, so I just carried on with 40mg of prozac untill my next appointment with the psychiatrist.
I know drinking doesn't help depression and counteracts the anti d's, and believe me by this time I had cut back a lot. However, I felt so much emotional and mental anguish, I felt the only way to get some relief was to get drunk. And I did get some temporay relief in the first hour or two of drinking. I felt trapped on some sort of sick merrygoround. I saw the psychiatrist in January and told her about my drinking and that I hadn't been taking the olanzepine. She told me to stop drinking and upped the prozac to 60mg.
I cut back more on my drinking but I really was up and down bingeing. The 60mg of prozac did lift the depression enough for me to phone a Drug & Alcohol centre for an appointment. I was offered one on the 14th Feb, guess what I did on the 13th, drank 3 bottles of wine and never made it to the appointment cause I was too hungover, talk about insane self sabatage. I felt terrible not just from the hangover but for not getting to the appointment and not phoneing them up cause I felt so bad & guilty for wasting their time. I bucked up the courage 2days later and phoned to apologise and make another appointment. They were very nice with me but said that they were quite booked up and I'd have to wait a while, they would call me when they had a space for me.
In the meantime I received a letter from my docs surgery asking me to make an appointment for a thyroid test (I had borderline results a few years ago so they test me every year) I kept putting off making the appointment, I felt so low and only felt safe at home, anyway, I needed a repeat perscription for my anti d's so I thought I'd make the appointment same time I was on the phone. The receptionist told me they had a cancellation, could I be there in 20mins. Luckily I hadn't been drinking the night before so wasn't too shakey and didn't look like something out of the Rocky Horror Show so I went.
On leaving I made an appointment to see the doc for my results.
19th March went to see doc my thyroid results were fine. I hadn't seen this particular doctor for awhile, he knows my history of depression and was shocked a couple of years ago when I told him about my drinking. He was looking through my notes and could see what had been going on over the past 18mths and ask me how I was feeling, at this point I broke down crying. I told him my drinking was still a problem and that I was waiting for an appointment, the depression had got a bit better, I could get out of bed and wasn't having suicidal thoughts anymore, but I just felt so completely empty, like a shell of a person just going through the motions, and I'd felt like this since coming out of a manic high in July last year, f**king horrible. (sorry) I explained about the olanzepine for my bipolar and how it completely wiped me out. Then he gets out THE book of medications and suggested lithium carbonate and another med, can't remember the name, anyway we decided to go with the lithium because the other one was mainly for mainia, whereas lithium is for both mainia and depression, doc said it can boost the anti d's.
Boost em, my God after a week of taking them I felt a lot better. One day there I was happily washing up
and I thought I'm gonna phone that alcohol place and see how much longer my appointment will take to come through, about a minute later, no joke, the phone rang and it was the AL centre offering me an appointment:shocked: cool or what hey? My first appointment, at the very end of March was about getting a history of my habits, I was told my next appointment I would see one of the counsellors and be assigned a key worker. When I got home from my first appointment the AL centre called with a cancellation for the next day. I saw a very nice lady who is also my key worker now. I was offered rehab but because I don't have anyone to look after my children I had to decline, otherwise I'd have jumped at the chance. I have to tell you that when I came home from that appointment I drank and got wasted, my thinking was one last blow out kinda thing, it wasn't, I drank again during that week but not as much as I would normaly. I told my key worker next visit and we added it up to about 36units not bad at all for me. After that appointment I went home and drank, doh!!
Am I completely insane, this was the night my daughter videoed me on her phone. This is the point I gave myself a really good talking to I was really angry with myself and with AL, the sick twisted bastard. I knew if I was to get anywhere I had to get a good run of AF time behind me My goal is 30days I'm at 23 today and I KNOW I'll make 30. Then it's on to the next 30. I think I'm at the stage where I can handle 30 days at a time, ODAT isn't a big enough commitment for me, my brain and AL trick me with that concept, yep, 30days is better for me.
Anyway, what I was initially trying to get to was about the lithium. I think had I not started that medication I'd still be struggling. Its help my depression so I have been able to think more positively, I feel so much stronger mentally, strong enough to put up a good fight. Because I've managed to get Al out of my system I'm now getting self esteem, self belief and trust in myself, and it's real it's not mania, drugs or alcohol. How cool is that?
I googled lithium carbonate the other night and found out that they have been doing research into using it to treat alcoholism. A number of double-blind placebo controlled trials have been done with very good results for the patients taking the lithium. I don't know if my doctor know this but I'll be telling him next week.
You really do need that mental strength to fight this, I've heard many times it's a disease of the mind, of your thinking and it is. A very insane disease.
Coming here every day has helped enormously. My pc broke last oct/nov, I only managed to get it fixed at the beginning of April and the first thing I did was log on here. It feels weird to me, like everything has come together, perfectly timed.
Do you know what? I'm feeling really blessed right now and all loved up :l
If you've managed to read to the end :clapclap: you've done very well. I never intended for this to be so long. I have a hard time condensing things and tend to go all the way round the houses before I get to my point, another affliction I inherited from my mum, bless her.
I don't even know what my point is
Everybody should get their mental health check out so and give themselves the best possible chance of beating AL with another tool for the bag, that all important power of the mind.
I hope lots of blessing rain down on you all and that your in the right place at the right time to recognise them and take full advantage.
want
xxxxx
eace:
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