It is sat. I had a big binge on Thurs and have at least resolved myself to stay sober this weekend...actually I don't even want to drink. I have done this many times before and it hasn't lasted, but there are some things shifting for me that are subtly different. I long ago stopped being a daily smoker, but when binge drinking, i am binge smoking...double the dopamine I suppose. I have just accepted this for a long time and still do and actually refused to even think about quiting, not wanting to fail, but lately I have found myself actually wanting to quit. I almost think the drinking is as much about the smoking as the drinking. Obviously a bigger part of me doesn't want to stop or else I would, but the part of me that wants to is getting bigger and I am hopeful it will get bigger yet.
If Anthony Bordain can do it, so can I! He gave it up (smoking, not drinking) becaue he became a new dad. I sometimes think I need something that big to stop me..but I ain't having a baby anytime soon, unless the immaculate conception happens again
I don't as of now follow the MWO program. I think it is only fair to tell folks that, so they can choose to read or not. I focus on harm reduction as I haven't been able to stop the binging and I decided that if I couldn't stop the binging, at least I could try to be safer and stop the self loathing. I am sometimes successful and sometimes not.
You see I believe for me anyway that I have a compusivity problem, not a drink problem, although drink is a problem for sure. I know this based on long histories of both sobriety and use. I had some anxiety about my Thurs binge today and was just recently able to let it go for now. I check in here sometimes because there aren't many places where someone can be honest about their use and not be told to go to AA, sometimes I need support and sometimes I am in a place where I think I can help others, even when I am less than perfect.
For today anyway I am smoke and alcohol free. Have a good weekend. Love to all.
If Anthony Bordain can do it, so can I! He gave it up (smoking, not drinking) becaue he became a new dad. I sometimes think I need something that big to stop me..but I ain't having a baby anytime soon, unless the immaculate conception happens again
I don't as of now follow the MWO program. I think it is only fair to tell folks that, so they can choose to read or not. I focus on harm reduction as I haven't been able to stop the binging and I decided that if I couldn't stop the binging, at least I could try to be safer and stop the self loathing. I am sometimes successful and sometimes not.
You see I believe for me anyway that I have a compusivity problem, not a drink problem, although drink is a problem for sure. I know this based on long histories of both sobriety and use. I had some anxiety about my Thurs binge today and was just recently able to let it go for now. I check in here sometimes because there aren't many places where someone can be honest about their use and not be told to go to AA, sometimes I need support and sometimes I am in a place where I think I can help others, even when I am less than perfect.
For today anyway I am smoke and alcohol free. Have a good weekend. Love to all.
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