update

[cowgal]

I have an update for any who care, thanks for all the loving and thoughtful advice about my situation............:thanks:

First off, I am NOT doing the dinner-thing anymore, have been told not to by many many people who know about my battle, and just was determined to be the "good wife, daughter in law, mother", etc. I have explained to the boys what is going on (like they can't tell!!!?? and I have told Mike straight out that I am not going to force myself to be around people who I don't enjoy being around, life is too short! I'd much rather go out to dinner w/ some friends, seriously...............

Mike got really trashed yesterday and was demanding the "D" word again, I told him I cannot talk about it while he is like that, and will find a marriage counselor AGAIN, so we can hopefully work it out........maybe he needs to hear from an outside professional how un-normal it is to drink to excess EVERY day. He doesn't hear me when I say it.

I am AF today, ended up breaking down and having 2 beers cuz I was really upset last night, but I am NOT going to let someone elses vices bring me down any more...............

Thanks again for listening, my DEAR friends, I love you lots!!!:l:h

Truly,

MA

[gabby1go]

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Good for you Cowgal. At this point, you need to think of yourself and your boys first. You are right to make a stand about not spending time with people that aren't good for you. What the hell is the point???? There are so many other great people in the world that care about you, are fun to be around, and don't make you feel like crap! Does hubby bring up D when he is sober? Gabby.

[LVT25]

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Hang in there. I can tell you are a strong person. I really feel for you, and I honestly wish there was more I could do. :l

[Beck]

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Cowgal,

You sound better. Think you've got it right. Yourself and your kids have to be priority. Your kids need you to be the sober parent. Hope your husband is smart enough to follow suit. Take care,

Beck

[greeneyes]

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Cowgal, Good for you. D word floated around my house yesterday. It honestly wears on you in so many ways. Blame, resentment and anger behind it. And when those words are taken back, they still linger in your head, regardless of who said them. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it" begins to loose it's credibility. Glad you stood up for yourself! :goodjob:

[cowgal]

update

usually

The D word is usually only brought up when he is stinking drunk (which is most days anymore!) This am he acted like nothing happened, so trying on my nerves!! Today he asked me if I want a divorce, I said no, I will call around for counselors, frustrating thing is I have called 8 of them in town, they either haven't called back, don't take any new patients, or my insurance........................GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! :upset::upset:This is frustrating!!!

Thanks for the votes of confidence, I am feeling stronger, today IS a new day,as is every one, I am going to enjoy it to the max, esp AF!!!

love :hand hugs!!:l:l
MA

[Ripple]

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dear, you must emotionally pull away from the B**tard..simple..Arms length nothing more. Push him to the bottle by staying away from it..he will come crawling for water soon. Mine is doing just that, he is out of control and totally insane because I am in controll of ME! and its gonna stay that way! Weather it out girls...stay tough, better days are coming..D word.. yea right, when they are in DETOX, then you celebrate and know there is life after suffering! :H

[betty boop]

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Cowgal you sound really strong and I am proud of you ......

Keep it up .........

Love & Hugs, BB xx

[hippie37]

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Hey Mary Anne!

It was my experience that when I used to 'leave' my partner and walk-out it was always done when I was drunk too. Of course the following day I would be full of remorse and apologies and tell her I really loved her and that it was just the drink talking last night. After about 3 or 4 times though I think we both new something was up with the relationship other than the drink. I think sometimes there can be a lot of truth in what is said 'drunk' (a cliche I know!!). I think I looked at what I had, and what I would have if I left and the future scared me; so I stayed put. It was the security that kept me with her more than anything towards the end. Our sex life was virtually non-existent due to me making excuses of being too tired and pissed, although I had many 'tricks' I could pull out of my sleeve as to why I could avoid the issue!!lol. It just wasn't healthy for either of us to be honest and I think eventually I had to give her a sober and honest answer. I was sober for about a month before we really talked properly and I think we both felt 'counseling' was not going to help us. Things had progressed way to far and it was only being sober that I had the courage to act upon the previous drunken outbursts that were, in effect, the truth as to how i was feeling. I had to give up everything almost in order to stay sober and live happily again.

I'm not suggesting your's and Mike's situation is anything near the same as mine but I can see a similarity with the drunken calls for divorce. He needs to be sober for a lengthy period I think if he is ever gonna sort out what he really wants. I hope with the help of counseling he can do this and this is what YOU want as well. i know a bit about your history so I know how difficult this is going to be for you both. Your last post doesn't sound too positive in that direction!!. I hope whatever decisions you make YOU put your sobriety first in all of this. YOU will be a much stronger person being sober and YOU will be able to cope better with the outcomes of future decisions good and bad.

Also at least you only had 2 beers last night and didn't get stinking rotten drunk. Oblivion is not the way to go, as you now, so although you had 2 beers you managed to stop yourself from going down that road that you have taken so many times in the past.

Love and Hugs to you my friend :h:l
Hippie
xx

[petpeeve]

update

Cowgal, you seem a little more positive and stronger......i am sure talking to your boys helped somewhat, they don't need to know all the details but being left in the dark not knowing is not good either. Keep calling around for counselors, for me it was way too late, but keep perservering and you will find someone......and don't worry about the 2 beers, you were able to stop after 2!! keep it up, and yes, keep us posted, we all do care...

[Croft]

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I have been staying on top of your posts. I really feel for your situation. Wish there was something I could do. I don't even know what to say. Well, I do, but I am pretty sure it is not the right thing. So I will just say hang in there!

[cowgal]

update

yeah!

Well, Mike and I have an appt for Wed, 5/7/08 at 4PM, I will let you all know how that goes, both in the room at the same time w/ a counselor, ought to be interesting..........huh??

Got David, my older (16years old) son in next Tues at 4PM, he has been doing very poorly at school and said it is because of his family life (us drinking, fighting etc) OH MAN!! Can you say dysfunctional??? My 14 year old is pretty ok right now,just in love, so that and school is all he thinks about, bless his soul!

I love and thank you all for being here.................I would literally DIE without this connection w/ my fellows!:l:h:l:h

love,
MA

[KateH1]

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Hi Maryanne,
I am so happy to hear that you have an appointment! Yes, and for your son as well. These are both such postitive steps. I hope that, with the help of this therapist, you are able to figure this relationship out. You deserve a happy life, as do your sons, and a happy life truly begins at home.

I know that I don't have to tell you that things will be more clear to you the more time AF you have under your belt. We do not even truly understand how muddled our thoughts were, until we have been sober for some weeks.

Wishing you all the best,
XX KateH

[cowgal]

update

AF last night

I am back on a roll, feel really good and confident that I am just going to rack up the AF days now...........

Mike didn't even seem drunk last night...............was not happy, but not mean, I almost drank because I was afraid what it was going to be like when I got home, but called my AA sponsor and she talked me through it, I am really glad I didn't drink, I feel really confident (like my mood!) today!:thumbs:

I appreciate all your caring thoughts and prayers, they are helping me tremendously..............you have all always been there through rough times, and this isn't the first case of this...........:thanks:ray:

Thanks again,

love and hugs!!!!!!:h:l

MA