Things to remind myself...

[out]

Ok, it is Cinco de Mayo and I truly want to get legless tonight...I won't but I will have some with friends over dinner.

I do have some L-Glut and can't find my MWO book right now, so first a question...how much should I take? Have taken 1000mg so far in two divided dosages.

If I drink, drink slowly and pay attention to how I feel.
Stop for a while after a drink and let it settle before deciding on more.
Drink a big glass of water for each drink.
Smell the wine before sipping it, and sip it.
Make it about the friends not the booze.
Remind myself how I want to feel tomorrow.
Pray before drinking and eating. The universe has already answered my prayers, I just may not know it yet.
Remebering that I often want to binge after being moderate for a while, because having what I want scares me.
Remebering that I don't really want to hurt myself and be extra careful.
A little personal, but I'll say it anyway...remebering that I often want to binge after let's say "a good sexual release"...don't know why, but I've noticed this.
After feeling really good in any way I want to binge. Don't know if it is anxiety or wanting the good feelings to continue.
Remeber how good and proud I feel the next day when I am moderate.
Come post on MWO when I feel weak, like now.
Have gratitude for my life and my body.
Do something kind for someone else, like telling you all I love you even though we haven't met.

Thanks for listening.

[tlrgs]

Things to remind myself...

and last but not least DONT DRINK AND DRIVE. think responable..good luck

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

Things to remind myself...

re the l-glut you can take pretty high dosages, I take 1/4 tsp of the powder under my tounge, HTH : )

[out]

Things to remind myself...

So much to say, so little time

Thanks. I never drink and drive..anymore. One of the harm reduction strategies that have been most important...except that I drink more, sometimes, when I don't have the need to drive.

Did some L-glut under the tongue and looked in the mirror...looked like a coke addict..i guess no worse than me.

Did Ok tonight will go to bed with a slight buzz, but no more.

I think about my issues and have so much compassion for those who struggle even more than I.


I am going on a tangent here, but as I always say, it is all related.

I have a very young friend who has been off and on of crystal meth for years. He is a young gay man who was pitched out of his house at age 19. Maybe age 19 doesn't seem do terrible, but he is from a rural area and a religious community where his only social life was that of a born again father who is the minister of a small faith community...his only community. When he confided that he thought he might be gay to another youth, that youth told the whole community and my young friend was pitched out, as to not be an embarrassment to his family. Someone from such a sheltered and closed world is really much younger than his 19 years. He is now in his early 20?s, doesn?t drink much, but does his drug and has unprotected sex with other men.

He found acceptance and a life beyond his formerly sheltered world in drugs and sex. He is a beautiful young man who struggles with his addiction and his past.

Harm reduction means using a condom, even if you still get high.

Harm reduction means not driving, even if you continue to drink.

Harm reduction means not judging others or each other for our pain or our backgrounds. No one has a right to judge.

If you have a person, and we all have a person, who is gay, trans, bi whatever. Please accept that it has nothing to do with you. That you can love them, even if you don?t like what they do. And you can tell them that without a but...really without a but. You can really love the sinner and hate the sin without saying so. No one needs more judgment in this world.

I had an experience years ago, when I was not smoking. I went outside of a dance that was smoke free, pretty common now, but not so much in my city then, and I though to myself as I witnessed the smokers toking away, ?oh, thank god I don?t have to do that anymore. No judgment on them just thankful to be in that place. We can be thankful for the addictions we don?t have.

If we are born into the body that we belong to, if we have parents despite our faults who love us, if we are in this world with community and love, count our blessings, because there are many who are not. I have been in both places.

In all sincerity, whatever one's belief I beseech you to recognize that addictions are rampant in the gay community because while we may say that tolerance is OK....at the end of one's life no one wants to think about themselves as having been "tolerated". We want to be loved and accepted, just like anyone else.

My heart tonight is with this young man. For whatever the pains we have our drug is legal and somewhat socially acceptable and cheap. We can live in the world...at least some of us. I feel for this young man..I feel for myself. I feel for people I can not begin to understand yet do on some level...like transsexuals.

I wish there were more places than bars where we can go to be ourselves.

I hope that that may happen yet. I cry for him and others like him.

And I thank my lucky stars for the people who love me and that I am capable of love. And I wish you all thanks and good night.

[hippie37]

Things to remind myself...

Alcohol and drugs will always be used as a from of escapism especially from one's true identity I think. It must be especially hard for a young gay person trying to come to terms with their sexuality in an unforgiving community and I can see how turning to drink and drugs can be the only way out for some.

I used to think the whole world was against me as I fought to find out who I was and where I fitted in in this world. I lived a lifestyle that was not a part of the 'norm' and so the sub-culture I found myself in was continually scrutinized by other's who saw my way of life as detrimental to their own. I was continually fighting with not just myself but everything and everyone that went against my ideals and principals. It was a vicious circle and the more I 'progressed' the more I got angry and the more I drank and took drugs until I lost sight of what being a 'traveler', hippie, squatter, raver, crusty, (all labels I identified with) really meant to ME.

You gotta be true to yourself in this life and this I'm finally learning by being sober. I'm not saying my life has been a waste of time as most of my ideals are still with me. I have learned to harness those with much more clarity and the strength behind them that was once there in my youth is much more focused than 'warped' due to my perceptions of how I wanted other's to perceive me. The long dreads, the army boots, the combat pants, the big stripey rainbow jumper, the drink, the drugs, the politics, free festivals, raves, squat parties etc etc. All bits and pieces that went to make up my identity but NOTHING to do with who I really am.

I've just embarked on a social sciences course and I'm about to start reading a really good book from the OU called "Questioning identity: gender, class, ethnicity." which I've browsed briefly. I know I'll be questioning my own identity when I read it properly in a week or two as to how I perceive myself, maybe as an addict, as a father or a son who knows but I'm looking forward to reading anyway.

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[out]

Things to remind myself...

Thanks for sharing...

your story Hippie. I am glad you are finding your way to a truer self and I really apprieciate your response and I will try to look the book up over the summer. I think who we really are is a compilation, I think our spirit doesn't really have an ego, but since we can't live in a body without one we have to accept that as part of us too. Take care