Ok the gay thing...

[out]

Ok the gay thing...

very moving...

thanks again. I have had a rough week and have been thankful that I have had the time to spend here. Drug and drink issues I think are multifactorial, sexuality or say the lack of acceptance of sexulaity is just a part. I hate seeing so many GLBT people myself included hurting or downright killing themselves with substance, I hate seeing anyone do that, but that is the world I move in so I see it a lot there. I think one of the things that I like so much about going into a gay bar is that I can relax and know that I have a community where my sexuality is known and embraced. That is mostly why I said the shout it out thing if you are gay. Since I can't see the rainbow flag that surely is flying above your head I just wanted to know if there were others of my ilk here who might like to talk about sobriety and use in our community and well to just blurt it out, so I never have to think twice about talking about it openly again. Thanks all you kind souls.

[Ripple]

Ok the gay thing...

SuperBernie;322404 wrote: Out - a couple of my best friends are gay and I love them to pieces. I'm trying to convince one of them to join MWO.

Love that litte dog.. and yes one of my best buddies at AA is gay and she wants Ripples to run with her, ya right! she is flat as a board and i have watermelons..:H

[1morechance]

Ok the gay thing...

big shout!

Hi out
just wanted to let you know you're not alone here. i'm a lesbian and i hear you. my gay bars day are long over, however, i remember how that was the focus of my week; waiting for the weekend so that i can be with people like me and not have to be "tolerated" but accepted. i didn't have a drinking problem then, but i met people struggling with a problem with addction. cocaine was a big one as well as alcohol. i don't think my drinking is related to my not being able to deal with my sexuality, but i have isolated myself from some family members and very close friends because i didn't think they would understand. i also was afraid of rejection. this makes it difficult because outside of my wonderful partner's support, i don't have those connections anymore.

take care out and know that i'm here!:whee:

[Popeye]

Ok the gay thing...

One of the great things about this community is the diversity of people here. It is a truely global melting pot of all kinds of people. We're all here for ourselves and for each other.
This is a great place.

[Ripple]

Ok the gay thing...

GAY people are wonderful and fun loving..i would like to see hateful man fall more often and placed in physical labor camps to suffer without release until the women they have abused say its okay to set them FREE.

[brittzak]

Ok the gay thing...

I have been here some time and "I" have never even read a discussion on our sexual orientations. I have no idea who is or isn't, nor does it matter. What matters to me is that we all find that happy place in our lives where we can function and love!!!!! Whomever it may be.....that is lucky enough to get one of us...

[out]

Ok the gay thing...

There is a first for everything

brittzak, in a near perfect world like MWO it doesnn't matter, but in the world it does effect how you are treated, whether you are accepted, rejected or tolerated by your family and where you can go that is safe to be, and it has definitley played a role in my own use, so for me it is worth talking about... and you're so right whoever gets one of us is a super duper lucky ducky!

Thanks 1morechance, your understanding and relating of your own experiences means a lot to me. I am single/dating someone right now and am finding it tough not to make the bars the centerpiece of my social life...just try to find somewhere else where there are so many of us in one place...geez, maybe p-town.

As a sidenote, I just signed up for David Allen's get control of your drinking program...he uses hypno, eft and a series of e-mail "therapy" exercises. Also ordered the kudzo from here, I think the brand I had was bunk. I am excited to start and I will let y'all know what I think.

[brittzak]

Ok the gay thing...

You are right OUT....I did not think of it that way. I do not face this issue head-on myself so I apologize if I seemed complacent. I did not mean too...much love!

[greeneyes]

Ok the gay thing...

I have a friend who is gay, a girl, and have told her some deep dark secrets. I trust her, respect her, appreciate her. She had to leave her partner because the lifestyle (bar scene) was no longer healthy for her. I paid close attention as she talked about having to change her lifestyle for her health and it cost her the relationship. I think one door closes, another one opens. She noved on and is with someone new. I don't know how she met the new person but I aree with the law of attraction. Keep your chin up and your eyes open! Thoughts become things - choose the good ones.

[out]

Ok the gay thing...

brittzac, thanks so much for your response. you didn't seem complacent. If it's not something in your life you don't have to think about it. It is one of the reasons I personally think it is so important to be out and open to discussing it. Peace dearest.


greeneyes, thank you for that story, i believe what you say is true. A few years ago I had a very good friend, spent almost some time with her almost everyday for about 5 years. She was also a drinking buddy. For the longest part of our relationship we partied, but we also went to lunch, movies, shopping, talked, went for bike rides etc. Over time ALL she ever wanted to do was go to the bars, when that wasn't all I wanted to do we went seperate ways. I was very sad and hurt about it for a while, but it is better. Most of my friends now are drinkers, but not to the extent that she was...so things and relationships are better.

[KateH1]

Ok the gay thing...

Hey out, I can understand wanting to discuss your life issues with others that you think that you can relate to. But, I want to give you something to think about. Many, perhaps even most of us have been rejected or abused by family, rejected by peers and those that we were in relationships with. Many have known true fear. Many of us have felt fear and extreme anxiety. Many here have, at one time, had their social lives revolve around bars and the bar crowd. The fact is, that bars are not healthy places for most people. When we decide that this life is not for us any longer, things do change, some people we thought were friends, would prefer the bar and party scene to our friendship. Like is attracted to like.

Another thing, many people feel "different" and isolate, believing that others have formed judgments regarding them, so often this is simply a projection of our own negative feelings towards ourselves and not what others are truly thinking. I think, if you give us a chance, you just might find, that this strugle is much the same for all of us, male, female and gay. We are all in this together.

Best to you,
Kate

[out]

Ok the gay thing...

KateH1

I agree, we can all relate to each other regardless, I think about that a lot. We are human and we can all understand pain, joy and have connections to each others life experience. I most often in my life look for the points of connection with others rather than focus on the differences.

I am assuming that you are female from your user name, so I'm gonna go with that for a minute. Like me you probably like, love and relate to many men in your life..we are more alike than different...but do you never observe the differences? do you ever sometimes want to just hang with the girls because there is a comfort in the way you can be and how you can communicate at those times? does that mean you are isolating or that you don't want to relate to men? sometimes it is nice to be around folks where there is a common culture, they get your jokes, speak the same language etc. isn't it Ok to talk about that and to want that sometimes?

what i'm saying isn't that different.

and I can truly apprieciate that many of us have had much of our social life revolve around bars...rebuilding our social live is a tough task for everyone...or what if you have been drinking with a partner and one decides to stop, that's gotta be crazy hard...but if you are hetero 90% of the world outside of the bars is safe for you. I am sorry, but it is different when the bars are the nearly only place that you can kiss or dance or hold hands without threat. I do these things anywhere, because I refuse to be cowled, but I have been assalted, threatened, insulted and harrassed. I don't need to harp on this, but the "safety" of the bars is not just an emotional safety. In a lot of my other posts and threads I have and will continue to focus on our more global points of connection...I actually think this has been a topic where there has been a lot of bonding rather than isolation. I guess I partially started the thread beacuse I didn't want to isolate myself, to invite others to participate in discussion about issues that do have a cultural basis, I think things have gotten so much better for gay people, because they have been willing to risk being visible...I think it is important to be out, although I respect anyone's choice not to be.

[lukalee]

Ok the gay thing...

At first I wasn't going to respond here because it is a really "deep" topic, and last week was pretty hectic for my brain and sobriety, but I felt I would like to share; I'll try not to ramble; I have many thoughts right now.

I do understand that there are issues that LGB and T persons have to deal with that I do not because I am a straight, white woman. I say white woman, because I also realize that in certain communities, women of different color have to deal with things I do not have to deal with as well. I also understand that what one faces depends a lot on where they reside. My community (not necessarily the entire city, but the "community" I chose as my own) is very open about being LGBT. I've never shared this here, but I am a high school teacher, and I happen to have numerous students who are gay or lesbian. They are very open and honest, which I am hoping indicates a difference in the way society treats and respects those who are LGB or T.

With that said, I also have quite a few friends who are lesbian. Maybe it is a guy/girl thing, but they are a part of a larger gay community that has nothing to do with bars. I really do not want to sound presumptuous, but I feel offended in a way that you would blame being gay for going to bars and drinking. Like I said, I do understand when you are dealing with sexuality issues, this may cause a person to want to "hide" just like the rest of us drinkers are "hiding" from something, but I feel that one can be gay and proud of it and find something other than going to bars.

As far as statistics go, I don't like those to begin with. I am sure one could find "statistics" to say that gay men have more sexual partners and have a higher probability of carrying AIDS. As a daughter of a straight woman who died of AIDS, I feel that using these types of statistics, first, puts a bad light on a group of people who do not deserve it; second, it takes away from different people who have the same problem. Hence, we are all alcoholics, regardless of who we are screwing.

This leads me into my own personal dilemma. Much like you, most of my friends are drinkers; I feel most comfortable in a bar with people like myself. And I do not mean straight like myself, but drinking like myself. I married my high school sweetheart. We were together for 15 years and divorced 5 years ago. I missed out on what dating is, and how it happens; therefore, I meet most men I have dated at a bar. Great place? Not really, but I don't know where else to go. (I really do, just don't).

I guess my point is that we are not all that different. You may be a guy who finds a guy attractive; I may be a woman who finds that same guy attractive , We may all be here for different reasons, but we are all here for the same reason.

[out]

Ok the gay thing...

wow

lukalee, I am heartened that your school is so accepting and am glad that things are changing. I am sorry to hear about your daughter, having known many people with AIDS..well that must have been..more than I have words for.

You have a lot of wisdom and I am taking in what you have said, best line, "Hence, we are all alcoholics, regardless of who we are screwing." Thank you for the perspective, that made me laugh.

"I just want to clarify one thing, I never blamed being gay for going to bars and drinking, I think I pointed out that there is a whole lotta use in our community, that I am thinking about issues of identity that have had to do with lots of things including sexuality and drinking and what contributes to what.

[out]

Ok the gay thing...

just a goodnight

I want to thank everyone who has responded to this thread, I feel supported and glad to have participated in such a lively and real talk. If you want to keep it going I would be pleased, but I am going to say goodbye to this thread as I have taken in all I can. Thanks and love to all.