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I BLEW IT!!

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    #1

    I BLEW IT!!

    I blew it last night. Totally.

    I had quit taking the Antabuse last Friday because I ran out and thought I could do it. Hubris.

    I bought a small bottle of vodka yesterday and thought I could drink it and have "fun." No excuses. Plain and simple. Period.

    Nope. I got drunk. Really drunk and stupid.

    Anyone who was on chat with me last night, I apologize profusely.

    I am sitting here this morning wondering what is wrong with me. Umm. Yep. I know. I am a drunk. I cannot drink. One would think I know this by now.

    I start over again today. I have a call in to the doctor to renew the Antabuse.

    Love,
    Cindi
    AF April 9, 2016
    Tags: None
    #2
    I BLEW IT!!

    Oh Cindy. That is so awful and I am really sad to hear it. You were doing so well. I guess you need to make sure that you always have that prescription filled. It has to be a priority.

    It can be such a battle and you succumbed to it but the good thing is that you know what works for you-- Antabuse.

    So get back with what you were doing and I hope you are feeling ok today.

    Comment

      #3
      I BLEW IT!!

      Nancy,

      Thank you.

      No, I am not hung over. I didn't drink that much. It was a small bottle of vodka. But it really hammered me.

      It was not fun.

      I have a slight headache that I will not treat with meds. I am going to make myself remember this stupid act.

      Call already in to doc to get script refilled.

      It makes me sad that I really need this crutch. I am so weak. I hate it.

      But, at least I know what works.

      Cindi
      AF April 9, 2016

      Comment

        #4
        I BLEW IT!!

        Cindi,

        Just get back on your medication and don't run out and you will be fine. You have accomplished so much :l

        Myheart
        Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
        - George Jackson

        Comment

          #5
          I BLEW IT!!

          The weakness comes when you KNOW you have a problem and do absolutely nothing to adjust your behavior. SO...antabuse works...if you had CHF would you not take Lasix???? It is what helps you live, ok!!!! NOT A WEAKNESS Cindi!!!! You would be WEAK if you continued drinking vodka instead of getting that med back in ya!!!!
          Forever loved, forever missed Papa Bear

          Comment

            #6
            I BLEW IT!!

            Cindi,
            You have come so far. You are not weak, and you are not starting over. When someone is riding a bike and falls off, do they walk their bike back to start and begin again? No, they jump back on their bike and go on their way. But they try to remember not to hit the big rocks and potholes next time.
            Take good care of yourself!!! Hugs
            Goal 1: Today
            Goal 2: Tomorrow

            Comment

              #7
              I BLEW IT!!

              Cindi

              Don't beat yourself up, and don't consider it a crutch, it is a TOOL, I use Campral, and AA AND whatever else I can to control this thing...............that HAD control over me for soooooooo long!!:argh:

              Glad you don't feel too bad, sorry you do feel badly, :bump:

              love you,:l:h

              MA
              :rays:My happiness is my greatest gift to others:rays:eace:

              Comment

                #8
                I BLEW IT!!

                Dear Cindi,

                Antabuse is not a crutch, it is a medicine to make you well! Please remember that!

                You are not weak! We have a horrible disease which we can not control I totally believe that because I am the same way. I can't tell you how many times I have promised myself and others I wouldn't drink only to turn around and find myself drinking and breaking there hearts. Why would I want to do that to the ones I love, I don't, but this disease makes us weak....we are not weak!

                Love & Hugs,
                Bambi
                "When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable." -- Walt Disney

                Comment

                  #9
                  I BLEW IT!!

                  Cindi,
                  It just goes to show NO ONE is immune from this beast! You are one of the strongest, wisest, most supportive members here. Thanks for having the "guts' to share your slip with us to show just how "human" we all are. It can happen to anybody. Look at it as another learning experience. Vodka=BAD!!

                  Maybe you had to go through this so someone else can learn from it. :l
                  _______________
                  NF since June 1, 2008
                  AF since September 28, 2008
                  DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
                  _____________
                  :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
                  5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
                  _______________
                  The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I BLEW IT!!

                    Hi cindi

                    Just like to say there is no way you are weak, you have done so well and come so far you can do this again...like others have said make sure you dont run out of medication next time.

                    Take lots of care.:l

                    Love
                    Teardrop.x
                    family is everything to me

                    Comment

                      #11
                      I BLEW IT!!

                      Absolutely -" not a crutch, a tool" We wouldn't dig a hole with our bare hands if there was a spade leaning against the tree, would we? Give me the spade! (meds) I'll take all the tools I can get. Better yet, give me a steam shovel!!! You'll do this. You have already shown how strong you are! You'll be right back at it!

                      Take care! Best
                      "It wasn't all I wanted, but all I could stand!":bigwink: Alcohol free since April 8, 2008

                      Comment

                        #12
                        I BLEW IT!!

                        Just catching this now Cindi. Sorry, I had asked you if you were still taking the antabuse in the daily thread in subs.

                        You will overcome last night - without a doubt.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          I BLEW IT!!

                          Cindi, using "being weak" is just an excuse, honey. I'm still taking topa to stay sober, and I also indulge in AF wine when I want to. Well, I'm one happy "weakling"--AF for a long time now.

                          This is just another way AL can seduce us, by making us feel like we're weak by using tools to combat his power, like he has something BETTER to offer?

                          I love Best's analogy about the spade, and also, the fact that you got hammered is a good sign that your tolerance to alcohol is way down.
                          Get up girl! I continue to admire you.
                          :l :l Kathy
                          AF as of August 5th, 2012

                          Comment

                            #14
                            I BLEW IT!!

                            Dearest Cindi,

                            I am sorry for how you feel today. I know the feeling well. Please know that as unfortunate as this is for you, there is a lesson. We tend to learn our best lessons from these types of slips. I know that is true for me, anyway. You now know that Anabuse works for you - like Kathy said, Topa works for her and Topa works for me. I have tested it many times and when I go off I drink. That may not be forever, but it is true for me now. And for now and the forseeable future I will take it. You need to do what works - that makes you STONG not weak, Cindi!! Please try not to think of it as a crutch, it is a tool that works. If there was something like spitting on a tree that would make you not drink you would do it - and not feel bad, right? Just because it is a medication don't let that make you feel like that is in control, it is you.. you are taking it - it is just a tool.

                            Be strong, my friend.

                            All my love,

                            MM
                            Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              I BLEW IT!!

                              Get right back with us, Cindi.....

                              And don't "allow" your prescription to run out again. I have a feeling The Beast has been orchestrating this slip for about 10 days....

                              Come on, girl....get your RX filled and get it in your system.....show your daughter that you, and she, can quit drinking....

                              Don

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