I BLEW IT!!

[trixietrack]

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hi cindi just wanted to say that you are ok. I mean one little bottle hammered you, that means your tolerance is down, and you are becoming more aware of how awful it is to get wasted.

you are not weak, weak people would not be able to admit what you did on your post.

much love to you

[KateH1]

I BLEW IT!!

Cindi,
You hit a bump......you are back on track and that is what really counts! Your growth over these past weeks has been amazing! I do not think that using any and all resources that help one to stop drinking is
cheating, Nope! Nope! As of today, I want you to stop saying that you are cheating! OK!

Love,
XX Kate

[buckledown]

I BLEW IT!!

Hi cindi...you will be OK ...i soooo know how you feel and now I know it is all part of the journey...all your hard work is worth it...and one day and one choice does not change that...i am proud of how far you have come...i know you are strong..i am here for you...my prayers and good vibes are with you...xx BIG hugs, buckle

[cowgal]

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strong

See Cindi, you are SOOOOOOOO strong, definitely NOT weak, weak would have been hiding out and not admitting you messed up like you did!!

Love you,

MA

[bootcampbarbie]

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cindi i'm so so so sorry. the mind is so fucking tricky and cruel. you are such a good soul it hasn't a thing to do with the good soul you are. remember that. i'm headed back to lenair to heal myself in other arenas. i love you

[SuperBernie]

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cindi;323319 wrote: I blew it last night. Totally.

I had quit taking the Antabuse last Friday because I ran out and thought I could do it. Hubris.

I bought a small bottle of vodka yesterday and thought I could drink it and have "fun." No excuses. Plain and simple. Period.

Nope. I got drunk. Really drunk and stupid.

Anyone who was on chat with me last night, I apologize profusely.

I am sitting here this morning wondering what is wrong with me. Umm. Yep. I know. I am a drunk. I cannot drink. One would think I know this by now.

I start over again today. I have a call in to the doctor to renew the Antabuse.

Love,
Cindi

I've been blowing it too. In the words of Dory from Finding Nemo.....Just keep swimming...

[Janice]

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Oh Cindi, just logged on today and read your news........I know you can get right back on track, you've proved to yourself and to Al that you CAN do this Cindi!!!

sending you lots of love and a big hug,


Janicexxx

[southernbelle47]

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Cindi
What would you say to me if I were diabetic and decided not to take my meds?
All that plus..........................We all love you so much...please take them.
We are not going to get to the place where we can drink and just have fun.
Love
Nancy

[FinallyRN]

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Cindi, do you have any idea how strong you really are??? I would do anything for half your strength. You have realized you have a problem, informed yourself and tackled it.........do you know how awesome that is. You'll always be an amazing being to me.

[YoungAtHeart]

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Cindi, you are already sounding much better. How terrific that you can joke with the pharmacist!

I'm sending you lots of love.....:heart::heart::heart::heart:

[Hannah]

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Cindi, you, whether you realize it or not, are a leader. We have watched you make the decision to take the Antabuse, and we have seen your amazing transformation - you have inspired me, and I am sure many others, to make the decision to try harder, to take Antibuse if I need to, to make it work.

Did you expect perfection? We aren't perfect, none of us, nope. The only failure is in giving up. And you aren't, you are already filling that script - and making the decision that you must keep taking it.
Please promise yourself you will stick with your hubby 24/7 so that you are able to start taking it again - and then just carry on.:l

[maasai]

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hie love cindi
you have not commited any crime by drinking, sometimes slips are "good" since they prove to us that we cant defeat al and am sure your mind told you that you could do without your medication, but were you sure you could? while you were on your way to buy the vodka, what was on your mind? one thing i know and surely was in you was confusion, the coaltion of your mind and sub-consience mind, you followed your mind not the real you"
if you think you are weak cindi, take back all the support you have supported us in MWO and the progress you made before your slip, if you cant take it away then its a definate prove that you are such a strong wonderful individual.
wake up cindi ones again and work your recovery again you are ment to do it
lots of love

[lookingforhope22]

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Hey Cindi,
Wow you certainly are loved it took me a while to get through all the posts. Just shows what a wonderful, warm and giving person you are :l
I agree with all the post dont beat yourself up just do it again its ok that is human nature sometimes it takes a few slips before we can make a revelation for ourselves. Without slipping how can we learn?
I heard a saying the other day that made me smile ""Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town". I think that is true for all of us in some cases the circus stays a little longer but thats ok soon all of them will pack up and leave.
Stay strong and focussed i know you can do it!!!
You're an amazing person please dont let this make you feel down just dust yourself off and start again.
Lots of love and support :h

[lausibel]

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Hi Cindi

Do not beat yourself up. This is our disease, i have been like it for 10 years..............after every binge, swear that i will never drink again and hate myself............but the only way to make ourselves stong is to try and cope without the drink. I went out last nite with a friend who was drinking and managed to stay off it, it was only when i bumped into people i hadn't seen for a while wherei had that whole social anxiety and started shaking, i don't think they realised and i was desperate for a drink to make the nerves go away, but managed to resist and the nerves subsided. I am 7 days AF, but need to keep going!! We all need to keep going and build our confidence, self esteem and strenght up then we can conquer the world!!

Good luck!! We will conquer it!!

[cedar]

I BLEW IT!!

hi Cindi
you sent me such a great welcome message the other day and i think you are FABULOUS... the fact that you have already done sober days and can count AF is awesome... i have yet to get there...
Thank you for being on the site and making life a lot more optimistic...you are LOVED
x