So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

[twinsmommy]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

I said a lot to more than one. Things like wishing I was divorced and that I wished the kids were his (my ex) it is horrible and I would have been tempted too. Aything said was said in a drunken state. I think he has been looking for an out for a long time. It is a very distant marriage one of my reasons for turning to the bottle. the marriage counselor agreed. We tried wnet 3 times or so. Can't remember why we didn't go back. We had a fight about it and I drank too much an forgot.
We have talked about divorce several times.

[Bambi]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

Dear Twinsmommy,

Well, now would be a good time to sit down and have a real good heart to heart talk with your Husband. Bring everything out in the open, the drinking, lonely....everything and decide together what you both want out of life, ext. Living that way can't be fun or good for either one of you and I am sure it is affecting your wonderful kids also.

Best Wishes.
Hugs, Bambi

[Ollie]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

TM, I agree with many people here. You must stop drinking for a while and clear your head. I know it can be daunting but you have to do something. I hope you can get this worked out. I know only too well about communicating while drinking. Said lots of things I would have never said sober.

Ollie

[twinsmommy]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

We have a really hard time talking. We always did. Plus I get so emotional I shut down. I want to e-mail him or write a letter but I am afraid he could use it against me to take the kids if we do get a divorce and he has it written down that I admit to my drinking problem.

[cowgal]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

OMG

I can sooooooooooo relate!! he wants me drinking all the time, but GOD forbid I call or email a friend in the program or AA, (guy friend at that!!) He goes off the deep end!!!!

I hate it, am right now battling to save the marriage, but w/ this jealousy, I can't stand it!!:upset::upset:

Don't have good advice, but to let him know it is WRONG for him to nose through your business............................BUT I haven't been too successful w/ it yet, I'll let you know when I find the answer!!

love,:h

MA

[Cinders]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

Twinsmommy,

As someone who has been married for almost 33 years, I only have one thing to say.

Marriage is tough, in life there will be ups, downs, love, hurt, pain and joy.

While my marriage has been much less than perfect and at times downright painful, it has also been a wonderful and joyful journey with my best friend and lover.

Work on your sobriety first, because without it nothing matters. Then work on your family life.

Life is short. Spend it wisely.

Love,
Cindi

[KateH1]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

Twinsmommy,
You have a lot going on in your life..........alcohol is certainly making matters worse. I am thinking of the incident that happened to you less than a week ago, when you passed out in your car and your care was broken in to. You could have been really hurt, or worse. How do you think that incident affected your husband? I honestly think that the emails are only the tip of the iceberg here.

Honestly, I feel for the place that you are in. But, please do whatever you can to get a grip on your alcohol problem. Then, you can figure out what needs to happen with your marriage. Your children do not deserve to live in this sort of chaos. They deserve to feel safe. I believe that you want to give them a good life. This will never happen as long as you continue on this way.

Try looking at all of these recent incidents as a wake up call to you. The Universe giving you an opportunity to help yourself. Honestly, with some non-drinking time under your belt, the helplessness and depression will fade, your mind will become clear and you will have the clarity to resolve your life issues.

Best Wishes to You
Kate

[greeneyes]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

The two things that stand out the most for me are Cindi's remark that life is short, spend it wisely, and Kate's remark about the universe giving you an opportunity. And my own tag line - thoughts become things, choose the good ones. I believe in the law of attraction. I believe that people are souls and that our soul attracts other souls that will help us learn a lesson in a helpful way and heal old wounds so that we can move onward and upward. I think that is hard to do with a fuzzy head. You may benefit from a book by Louise Hay, and some of Collin Tipping's books. I myself am very close to my former husband. My current one knows that and all is well in that area. I admit that I have consulted a divorce attorney but alcohol and withdrawal and all the shit that goes with it distorts things. I do those things when I am absorbed in self pity and loathing and anger. You must find a way to ground yourself. Take care of yourself. And you cannot do that while drinking.

"my current one" :H Like there is a line of men waiting with tickets in hand.:H

[twinsmommy]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

This is what I am thinking.

I just talked to Buckledown and I called Lenair. They penciled me in for June. (I have to get my CC back) I am going to tell DH that I am sorry for what happened but we know my problem is not cheating it's drinking. I said things on e-mail that i would never mean if I were not drinking. I am going to tell him I am going for treatmernt in June if he wants a divorce after that then so be it but at least give me until then.
Sound good?
Can I e-mail him? I hate confrontation.

[Ollie]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

Please don't email him. He may need a little time to cool off, but you need to talk about this one to one. You are both in this. I know it is hard, but speaking face to face can really help you both be more honest.
Ollie

[twinsmommy]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

ugh you are right. but he gets nasty and i cry. And actually when confrnted I lie!

[Bambi]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

Twinsmommy,

He is your husband. You both loved each other at one point. Talk to him face to face. I know it is hard, I shut down too. Maybe you can write the letter but have him read it when you are in the room if that makes you feel better and that will open up the lines of communication. But yes I do agree, get yourself healed first and the rest will take care of it self as ment to be....

May God Bless you on your journery,
Much love and hugs,
Bambi

[Bambi]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

Greenie,

I love your post! Thank you so much for sharing. You are sounding so much happier & healthier. You are a great asset to this community.

Keep it up, you are doing awesome!
Hugs, Bambi

[KateH1]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

TM, Going to Lenair sounds like a great plan for you. Lenair has helped so many here. I agree about not sending your husband an email. You need to be able to speak to him honestly and sober. You need to also realize that no doubt, this has all been very hard on him. He will need time to trust you again, (Trust that you will stay sober!!). This will take "Action" on your part and not just words on your part.

Please order some Kudzu and L-Glut and work (not try) to not drink until you go to Lenair. Sobriety is not scary, blackouts and events that have happened due to drinking are scary! If you suffer from anxiety that you cannot control, call your Dr. and get some help to get you through the next few weeks until you go to Lenair. Believe me, the longer you can stay AF, the better things will be for you. Let your ACTIONS speak for you!!
Kate

[beatle]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

I have also always been averse to confrontation-- I'd clam up in any argument and never get to say what I meant. So my parents taught me to write things down-- whether or not you send/give it to the person, it will help you organize your thoughts and prepare you for any eventual face-to-face situation. I personally think it is ok to give someone something in writing, but in this case, to protect yourself, I agree with Ollie that you shouldn't e-mail, as it could be used against you later.

Otherwise, sounds like a good plan. As Kate says, you need to tackle the alcohol problem before you can move on to the other problems.

Brave you-- good luck!