So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

[twinsmommy]

So last night I passed out and left e-mail open. DH read through 1 1/2 hours of it. I talk to exes, which are for the most part happily involved, yes I complain and say stupid things when I have been drinking. But through everything with the drinking... he told me tonight that he is leaving b/c I am cheating!

I cannot tell you when the last time I had human contact was. but I can say it was ONLY with him. I would not talk b/c what do you say about out of line e-mail?
I would never put him myself or my kids in that situation and he will never believe me!
Pretty stupid. I'll Stay here and watch you drink yourself to death but say something stupid to an ex on e-mil and I am gone!

[Guest]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

Oh my..I am so sorry honey..I truly am.
Please look after yourself, you really need to. I am here for you. Divorces are not fun by any means, I'm going through one now.. Try to get yourself somewhat together, you will need to once lawyers get involved.

[Ripple]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

Does DH mean dumb husband? God if my husband read my e-mails to a person he wants me to have nothing to do with...he would have an immediate STROKE! just tell him to keep his god damn NOSE out of your business! simple...put your foot down and say, i was upset and did not mean anything i said, okay...you want to read real sh*t you should see my other mail account..:l

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

Hi Twinsmommy,

I have a feeling you are a missunderstood person, please correct me if I'm wrong. I'm not sure why you are keeping in touch with exes at all???? I have never found it to be a healthy decision but also have always felt it was a personal one. Your predicament is one of the many reasons I made the decision to not keep in touch with my own exes. I will be sending good vibes your way and I wish you all the best. We are all here for you. :l

Luvya,



Myheart

[Kiri]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

In California you can do your own divorce without a lawyer and save a ton of money. I got divorced after 29 years just a year ago. Hurt like hell at first and I drank a LOT! Feeling better now and on the mend with the MWO program and other tools. We do stupid things when we drink and put our relationships in jeapordy. Good luck
Kiri

[jessie]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

Hi Twinsmommy, we do such stupid thingswhen we are drinking - but he had no business reading your e-mails. Try and make it right with him,if possible.
Thinking of you.
Jessie

[beatle]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

If you really didn't cheat, (and you don't want a divorce), then you MUST defend yourself! I think you should just tell him the truth-- that you drink too much, you know it, you are working on it, you really want to stop, you write e-mails you maybe shouldn't have written while drinking, but they are just e-mails, nothing more, and please, let's try to make this work.

[wimpey]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

Only my two penneth worth ........... but if someone looks hard enough they will find out whatever they want to, you can read into any situation what you want .......... if you dont want to deal with the aftermath ......... then dont look into the first place .........

I know that probably doesn't help ......... just from experience

W

[Frogzter]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

OMG!

So sorry to hear that Twins... reading ones email is in my opinion as bad as going through ones purse... it is uncalled for. None-the-less it is done and can't be taken back. I hope you will be able to work things out with you hubby if a divorce is not what you want. You will be in my thoughts! I do hope all works out!

[Guest]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

The biggest thing glaring out of this is that it shows how AL renders us completely unresponsible for our actions. I am not defending anyones behaviour but leaving something on the computer screen, especially if you are passed out could be temptation for the best of people. Staying sober gives such control over your life - things like this don't have to happen.

I also know I would send all sorts of rubbish in emails, texts or phone calls when I was drunk. I would check my phone/outbox/sent messages in the morning with dread. Last week on my slip I was reminded of just that - I was so scared again I had told someone something I shouldn't or called my ex (I have signed a legal document saying I will not approach or contact him for 6 months upon threat of arrest/being sued for damages).

First things first - get control by trying to avoid AL, then anything is acheiveable even reconciliation. AL puts relationships under a lot of strain, even for people without a 'problem'. Problems often become solveable in sobriety.

Take it easy.

[Guest]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

Mommy, can you spin this? I mean tell your husband that when you drink your lonely so you talk to an ex because you don't feel as if you can talk to your husband. That perhaps its a cry for attention from your husband. Tell him how important he is to you but he really hurt you when he violated your priavacy.. Do you want a divorce?..
Hugs
Mar

[Lila]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

Oh, TM, I agree with a lot of these posts. Are you sure you want a divorce? It seems to me that these angry I want a Divorce statements - well, anger tends to mean the person is still engaged. It might just be anger talking. I just went thru a divorce, lawyers, everything. Please PM me if you want. AND I have little ones!
And I know I would have read the emails, too. I used to search thru my ex's stuff, looking, looking.
You probably won't get a divorce if YOU don't want one. IMO men put up with a lot. (not my x but other men I know of)
Best,
Lila

[gabby1go]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

Well, there is so much I agree with in the previous posts. Obviously, he doesn't trust you. However, does your passing out from AL justify his outright violation of your privacy?? I think not! Take responsibility for what you did but defend yourself against his complete and blatant lack of respect.

Now, take AL out of the equation. If you hadn't been drinking at the time, would you have emailed these exes? Think about why you did it. Is it because you are so unhappy with DH that you are looking for something else? Or were you just curious to see where they were, what they were doing?

I also think you have to put yourself in his shoes. What if you read his email and found what he found? Maybe he has some real insecurities that he is dealing with and this just fueled the fire.

My mother told me when I was a teenager that "if you don't want it read by anyone other than the person for which is intended, don't write it down. I have remembered that to this day. (Also, password protect everything).

Let us know how you are doing. I know you are going through a tough time. We are here and are ready to help! Gabby.

[twinsmommy]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

Hi all. Thanks so much for all you've said. My problem is my drinking. I am not innocent here, I should not have written those e-mails but I feel more violated than when my wallet was stolen. I don't know if I want a divorce. I think he has been looking for an out and now he has one. We have had a crappy marriage the whole time. We dated for YEARS and broke up a lot. One of the biggest reasons was he kept flip flopping about wanting marriage and kids. We were barely back together when I got pregnant. So it was a bad start.
The reason for the e-mails is partly b/c I was just curious about what they were up to and b/c I AM VERY LONELY. Not that anything would ever come of it but it is an outlet. DH (yes dumb husband :H) and I have not had sex in God knows how long. I figured he cheated long ago. But I guess he just sits here and looks at porn. At least that is what he does when I am out. We never talk or do anything together, there is no relationship.
Last night I wouldn't talk to hime b/c I didn't know what to say and he always wins the argument. He actually stood in front of the door so I could not leave the room. So I ignored him. We are both acting like children.
This just sucks!!!!
Thanks for being there guys!
TM

[nancy]

So I am a drunk but DH is divorcing b/c of e-mail

I think Gabby's advice is interesting... in the age of the Internet, password protect! ...a new twist on old-fashioned advice.

I am in two minds on this one. I do believe in privacy of course, but if an email is left open, well I have a feeling I myself would be tempted to read something open.

What exactly did you say to the ex? I also agree that keeping in touch with exes can spell trouble for an existing relationship and must be done with caution.

I agree with the person who said that there can be enraged feelings after such an experience. And combined with the drinking, well perhaps a lot to piss your hubby off..

Maybe this reaction of divorce though is just a temporary one, an irrational reaction made in anger. Sure he is angry but does he really want a divorce? Maybe that idea will die down.

Oh I think Twinsmommy posted more info at the same time as me...

Sounds like a very distant marriage. Maybe marriage counseling? Deal with the drinking stuff first, get the Topa!