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[twinsmommy]

Well I took the advice of not e-mailing DH. I did avoid him totally though. I couldn't face him. I was not AF but much better than usual and I went to bed very early so that kept me out of trouble. I woke up an 1am and could not sleep. My mind was racing with what I wanted to tell him. So I wrote it down and it turned into a three page letter. (BTW I was never one to write my thoughts not matter how many people told me to. I does get it out of your head, I was able to go to sleep after.) I basically told him that I was very sorry for hurting him, that I did not cheat on him and only said those stupid things on e-mail when I was drunk. I said that my drinking was my real problem and I knew that and own up to it. And admitted that it compounded any problems that may have been there anyway. I told him I was not asking for sympathy or forgiveness b/c I was certain he had no more to give. I let him know that I am going to Lenair in June (just said treatment) and only asked for help getting care for the kids. (and told him I am scared to death) I said I am sad, lonely, angry and resentful, and that I didn't know how to fix it but I was no longer going to try to blame him and that I pictured my life very different and this is a step in making it that way.
Anyway, that was the jist of it, so thanks all for all you help.
TM

[twinsmommy]

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Oh I forgot. He said he was going to try to e-mail me after lunch. I don't know what he thinks but his mood did seem lighter when he left ( a little)

[Guest]

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You probably feel better getting that off your shoulders..that took a lot of courage to write that. You should be proud of yourself. I hope things get easier for you..(hugs)

[bestlifeldms]

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TM,

Great first step! And it has to feel good to put "Your Truth" out there. I am sure he is concerned about your well being. You are the mother of his children and the two of you share so much. At this point it is one minute/hour at a time. Things will get better.

I know that you said you have never been one to write your thoughts down. This may be a good time to do some journaling. As thoughts come to you, jot them down. It may help you recall these, when the opportunity for a heart-felt conversation with your hub presents itself.

Love and support! Best

[out]

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Thank You for sharing that

with us. If you are anything like me, that couldn't have been easy to post. I hope putting it out there affords you some peace. Sleep with the angels and come back in the morning.

[AAthlete]

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That was the hardest thing of all for me - reaching out to my spouse and asking for help.

Congrats on taking the first step!

[Peanut]

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Hey TM
I know exactly how you are I think. I could never say what I needed to say to my ex, way back in the day. I think I always came across that I didn't care, or had no point of view, but I would just clam up when face to face, or we would shout instead. So I took to writing things in a letter to him, and it was really helpful. Same thing - couldn't sleep, thinking about it, so I would write and then finally, sleep would come. Then all that I was feeling was out there with him, and he could take it or leave it. Usually, it led to more open, honest conversations.
So good on you for doing that. Good luck with everything. We are all with you!
Peanut

[betty boop]

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WOW , you must feel really good, Well done for getting it all out .....

Good luck with this ..........

BB xx